The Big Wahoonie Trivia Quiz

Answer: Short Street

The naming of the longest street in the city gives you an insight into the minds of the city founders. Totally screwed up. As we tread the length of Short Street we pass The Street of Cunning Artificers, home to many of the city workshops.

Answer: The Mended Drum

The Mended, or Broken, Drum, depending on when you go in and what's happened over the previous few weeks. What can we say about The Drum, apart from 'Why does the beer taste like cats pee, why is it still standing and is the Librarian coming in tonight to eat all the peanuts?'

Answer: Thieves

The Thieves Guild is close to the Brass Bridge and almost directly opposite the gates to the Patrician's Palace. If we go down Fog Alley we will pass between the Assassins and Teachers Guilds, glimpse the Merchant's Guild (publishers of 'Wellcome to Ankh-Morporke, Citie of One Thousand Surprises' (and if you buy that, you'll buy anything)), and arrive on God Street at the Guild of Bakers. If you look to your left you will see the Post Office. If your very unlucky you may even catch a fleeting glimpse of the Postmaster General in his shiny, but totally impractical, gold suit.

Answer: The Patrician's Palace

The Patrician's Palace was once the old Winter Palace of the Kings of Ankh, until one 'Stoneface' Vimes decided to sever the link between royalty and city by cutting off the head of the last king, Lorenzo The Kind. If you get the opportunity, try and visit the Palace gardens which were laid out by Bloody Stupid Johnson, but be careful not to trip over the trout lake as you step across it. Make sure you keep talking in case you get mistaken for a mime artist and get a really close up view, albeit upside down, of the scorpion pit.

Answer: Moving Pictures

Moving pictures were produced by various studios which were located at Holy Wood, an area not far outside of the city. They didn't last very long due to attracting creatures from the Dungeon Dimensions and, possibly, the involvement of one C.M.O.T. Dibbler. Street theatre tends to be a very quick performance due to the fact that it could lead to a very long stay in the scorpion pit. If you wish to see the Witch Trials you will need to book a separate tour of the Ramtops (prices and itinerary on request). If you are approached by a young lady who announces herself as a seamstress, please do not offer her a garment for repair.

A smack around the back of the head with a heavy handbag can often lead to a visit to a city doctor, and possibly the morgue.

Answer: Market

Sator market was set up, originally, on what was a piece of open ground just outside of Unseen University and provided the wizards with an alternative place to purchase their requirements. The other shopping area was in what is now The Shades. A shopping trip there, even then, was a once in a lifetime experience, and that could turn out to be a very short lifetime.

This tour does not include a trip to The Shades due to most city guides preferring to remain in one piece. The University is a separate tour undertaken on the understanding that the city will not accept any liability for you emerging as a different species from the one that you are when you enter the grounds.

Answer: Alchemists

The Guild of Alchemists is one of the smaller guilds of Ankh Morpork, hardly surprising as they tend to keep blowing themselves up, along with the building. Notable discoveries to have emerged from the guild are octo-cellulose and banged grains, both of which were part of the moving picture industry.As we move along please try and hold your breath so as not to inhale any of the fumes.

Answer: Brass Bridge

The Brass Bridge is the major crossing of the river between the old, separate, cities of Ankh and Morpork. It is guarded, from theft, by some denizens of the city; 'Afternoon Fred, afternoon Nobby'.It also carries eight wooden Hippos, one of the symbols of the city.

The bridge can be a major bottleneck, especially when Fred Colon gets a little over enthusiastic with the wheel clamps. Keep moving please, he'll clamp anything.

Answer: The Dysk

The Dysk is the place where you can watch a play performed by Olwyn Vittoler and his players. If your luck is in, they'll be out of town and you'll miss it. If you are unfortunate enough to catch a production, watch out for the ape in the front row throwing peanuts.

Answer: The Tanty

Once the ancestral home of the Duc de Tintement it is now a place that nobody wants to enter, but everyone wants to leave. It contains a huge communal cell called the Sallydancy where most prisoners have the opportunity to enroll in an extensive range of educational courses run by the Guild of Thieves. If prisoners want to eat food that, probably, won't make them ill, they had better have plenty of money. Unfortunately they won't have any left when they come out.