We're Off Like a Herd of Turtles Quiz

Answer: Your plan won't work

This expression seems to have originated in the 17th and 18th centuries, when a rooster brought to a cockfight simply wouldn't fight. "That cock won't fight" became a metaphor for a plan or theory that simply wouldn't work. It seems to have naturally evolved into "that dog won't hunt" as the wilds of America were being settled by frontiersmen.

Answer: Cute as a bug's ear!

While I've never seen a bug's ear firsthand, I figure they must be awfully cute to have spawned this phrase.
Others along the same vein include "as purty as a speckled pup under a red wagon", "as purty as a spotted horse in a daisy pasture" and "cute as a sack full of puppies".

Answer: Fried chicken eaten for Sunday dinner

We'd have "gospel bird" for Sunday dinner, thus named since the preacher usually showed up for dinner after services.
Fried chicken could be made up on Saturday night, since no cooking was done on Sunday.

Answer: You have a low moral character

Someone who is lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut is a bad character, indeed. A snake's belly is low down, and if it's down in a wagon rut, it's really low. You do not want this said about you!

Answer: There's no such thing

Thought to have originated in the 1800s, this phrase means that something is nonexistent. Things that are as scarce as hen's teeth include: cheap apartments in a big city, finding a taxi in the rain or finding a parking space at the mall on Black Friday.

Answer: I'm as fine as frog's hair

Fine as frog's hair split four ways is they way I usually heard it. While any of those answers would work, in keeping with this particular quiz, you'd say you were as fine as frog's hair. Have you ever seen hair on a frog? Of course not. It's that fine.

Answer: Madder 'n a wet hen

If you are madder 'n a wet hen, people will surely be walking on eggshells around you!
If someone is stirring your stew, they are trying to get you all riled up over something.
Someone who is all hat and no cattle talks big but can't back up his words.
If you are going at it like killing snakes, you are enthusiastically working at a task.

Answer: In two shakes of a lamb's tail

In a coon's age means a long time, such as "I ain't seen you in a coon's age".
If something is like duck soup, it is very easy. Having never made duck soup, I don't know exactly how easy it is.
A long tailed cat in a room full of rockers is pretty self-explanatory.

Answer: Snakebit

If your house burned down, your wife done left you, your best huntin' dog knocked over your shotgun and then ran off like a scalded cat while you're bleedin' from the gunshot wound, then you're snakebit.

Answer: I'm as full as a tick on a hound dog

Full as a tick on a hound dog is what you are if you have to undo a button on your pants at the end of a meal. A tick will latch onto a dog and eat until it can't hold anymore before falling off.
If you can eat the north end of a southbound polecat, then you are very hungry, and obviously haven't eaten yet.
Shut my mouth is what you'd say if you were shocked and surprised at something.
Someone who just fell off the turnip truck is very naive.