The Brightonomicon Trivia Quiz

Answer: Rizla

When Rizla was supposed to take his girlfriend, Enid Earles, to Brighton, he wound up being thrown from a pier into a lake. Hugo Rune found Rizla, who had lost all memory, renamed him, and offered him a deal he couldn't refuse. Rizla was assigned the task of being Hugo Rune's apprentice in order to solve twelve cases in the city of Brighton which are based on Rune's Brightonomicon; twelve zodiac signs found on a map of Brighton's streets.

After signing a contract in blood, Rizla had no choice but to join in the adventure.

This book takes place in the 1960s.

Answer: The ocarina

Hugo Rune has been known to do many things, and he goes by many names like Perfect Master, Logos of the Aeon, and Hokus Bloke. Rune saved Rizla from drowning off the shores of Brighton and with Rizla's help, he solves twelve conundrums based upon his Brightonomicon in order to retrieve the Chronovision, a television created by a Benedictine monk which allows its viewers to view scenes from the past.

There're a few things though. The Chronovision is stored somewhere in Brighton, and the people that placed it there are long dead.

In addition to this, the evil Count Otto Black, Rune's arch-nemesis, is also searching for the Chronovision.

Answer: Mr. Orion

For their first mystery, Rizla and Rune went to Hangleton in order to search for Mr. Orion's (and his wife Aimee's) lost dog. Rizla felt that searching for a lost dog wasn't much of a case, but Rune assured him that it was necessary for their journey. When they arrive in Hangleton, they find their destination, Dogs 'R Us. You may say, 'Hey! There were no places called Something or Other 'R Us back in the sixties', but Rune's got that covered too. He mentions the Chevalier Effect.
Basically, the Chevalier Effect occurs when facts brought up in the book are historically inaccurate, but appear later in life. For example, Rizla asks if the Chevalier Effect is like the Greenhouse Effect (which it definitely isn't), and although the Greenhouse Effect wasn't a term coined until later in the twentieth century, it was because of the Chevalier Effect (which was named after a Maurice Chevalier song in which two characters contradict everything the other says). Despite the things that seem like anachronisms, everything was certainly there at the time, I assure you.
Anyway, after asking Mr. and Mrs. Orion about the dog, Rizla decided to leave Mr. Rune, and Rune said that Rizla would come back later in the day and the mystery would be solved. When Rizla goes to the local pub and speaks with his friend, Fangio (who appears throughout the novel in different places), a young boy walks into the pub and talks about the stolen Hangleton Hound. It turns out that Mr. Rune stole the dog in order to return it later, and Rizla returned to Rune's house, thus proving Mr. Rune to be right.
Throughout the novel, people begin to discover that the prize-winning dog that was stolen not only grew to the size of a Shetland Pony, but it was also like a Russian Doll. Every once in a while, people would start finding increasingly smaller dogs within the Hangleton Hounds that were being produced, and the city would start to have a large population of these dogs.

Answer: Nurse Hearse

In the beginning of this case, Rizla and Rune decided to go to a lecture by the popular paranormal investigator and psychic youth, Danbury Collins. Although Rizla thought that Mr. Collins just spouted a bunch of new age mumbo-jumbo, Rune had full confidence in Danbury, so they went to The Rampant Squire.

When they arrived, they talked to Fangio at the bar (he works there too because after all, everyone needs a hobby), and during the lecture, Rizla was knocked unconscious. At the hospital, the odd Doctor Proctor and Nurse Hearse planned to take Rizla into their ambulance, remove his organs and extremities (while he was still alive), stuff them into wrapped boxes, and sell them to organ donor clinics. Luckily, Rizla woke up in the ambulance and with the help of Hugo Rune (and a mysterious centaur), he was able to prevent himself from becoming an involuntary organ donor.

Answer: The Mound and Merkin

In their third mystery, Rizla and Rune went to The Mound and Merkin where they met Bartholomew Moulsecoomb, a descendant of Black Jack Moulsecoomb who had lost his brother. Rizla and Rune discover something odd at the Moulsecoomb household and manage to take a gun and encounter a UFO. Rizla then saw Doctor Proctor and Nurse Hearse taking Bartholomew's brother (which is actually his brother's clone) towards a space crab (named Ahab), and they were knocked unconscious.

When they came to, they were forced to fight everyone alongside the Moulsecoomb Militia, who Rizla and Rune found out about at the house, and Rizla save Rune's life (as Rune predicted). Things got pretty chaotic and Rizla was knocked out again.

In the end, pretty much all that was good was saved, Doctor Proctor had died (which I guess is a good thing), and the Space Crab had left the planet.

Answer: Earl Grey Tea

When Rune and Rizla investigated this strange phenomenon, they decided to take samples of the tears to prove it was actually real Earl Grey tea. In order to create a distraction, Rune punched a woman wearing a straw hat while Rizla took the tears to Professor Nessor who lived in the apartment above theirs (actually, the apartment was also above their own). Professor Nessor likes to walk on wires suspended nine inches above the ground because he feels that the Earth is sucking the life out of his feet.

When he proves that the tea is in fact Earl Grey tea, Rune reveals that he placed the tea on the statue in that exact location in Victorian Times. The statue had magically appeared there overnight as if in a time warp. Rizla and Rune decide to go back to the statue and it bursts open revealing Count Otto Black.

They are chased to the West Pier and Rune pushes Rizla over the end of the path. Luckily, Rizla didn't fall into the water. He fell onto The Saucy Spaniel, Bartholomew Moulsecoomb's ship. Rune fell into the water, but was pulled aboard. Luckily, they escaped with their lives, but the West Pier was ruined.

Answer: Lazlo Woodbine

In this chapter of the book, Rune has to leave Brighton for some work, so he leaves Rizla alone to do a case. He chooses the sign of the Woodingdean Chameleon and decides to be like his favourite mystery writer, Lazlo Woodbine. He heads off to talk to Fangio at the bar, but the whole bar is watching a croquet match on TV. Croquet is a popular contact sport now, didn't you know? Anyway, Rizla takes Fangio's tickets to the local croquet match and he spots a sniper up near the scoreboard.

He heads up and realizes it's none other than Count Otto Black's henchman, Colonel Mortimer.

They talk and Rizla learns that the man simply wants to shoot a referee because the man was sleeping with the Colonel's wife. Rizla leaves him to his task and the Colonel ends up missing completely and falling off of the scoreboard.

When Rune returns, he reveals that he was the one who was spending time with the Colonel's wife and that everything had gone according to plan. Rizla had (seemingly) solved the case and become the Woodingdean Chameleon himself.

Answer: Robert Johnson

In the beginning of this mystery, Rizla and Rune discover that a new restaurant called Eat Your Food Nude is opening in Brighton. They go to Fangio's latest bar, The Merry Terrorist, where Fangio announces that he has two tickets to the opening. As suspected, Rune managed to take the tickets and they dress up in their finest clothes for the opening.

When they arrive, they are forced to leave their clothes behind in order to be seated. When they sit, they find that there are many rock musicians attending the opening, and as discussed in the Hangleton Hound portion of the novel, all of them died at the age of 27 (including Kurt Cobain who hadn't even been born yet).

When Rune introduces Robert Johnson to Rizla, Rizla is shocked to find that Robert Johnson actually does have six fingers and he assumes that the rumors are true that Johnson sold his soul to the devil. Rizla then assumes that the case that they must solve involves saving all of the rock stars who are destined to die at the age of twenty-seven. Rune lets Rizla see into the future in order to view what Jimi Hendrix' life would be like had he lived to twenty-eight and Rizla is surprised to find that Jimi Hendrix would be voted into office and he would nuke all of the Communist countries of the world because at the age of twenty-eight he would decide to change his life. Rizla ultimately decides that he shouldn't save the musicians in order to save mankind.

In the end of this case, Rune somehow manages to choke on a rat bone in his pudding and he gets out of paying for dinner. Their clothes get stolen from the coatroom and the chef of Eat Your Food Nude decides to be Rune's personal chef as compensation.

Answer: Colonel Mustard

In the case involving the Foredown Man, Rizla and Rune traveled to a garden party hosted by the rich and famous of Brighton. While there, Rizla met Kelly Anna Sirjan (who performed in a human pyramid with her sisters). Rizla was pulled into the library by Lord Jeffrey, but was shocked when the man turned to ice and was smashed by Colonel Mustard with a lead pipe.

When Rune finds Rizla in the library, he obviously knows what's going on and he traps everyone in the room in order to protect them.

It turns out that Lord Jeffrey has been dead for many years. When one man decides to go to the washroom, he gets brutally murdered, and soon, rich men are being killed left and right. It turns out that Lord Jeffrey's body was frozen back in the eighteenth century, and it was placed somewhere under Brighton.

In recent times, his descendants smashed his frozen body, so he has sought revenge. Rizla, Rune, Fangio, and Kelly escape with their lives, but the rest of the party guests meet their fates at the hands of the foredown man.

Answer: Cats

In October, Inspector Hector visited Rune and Rizla just in time for the next case. He informed them that all of the cats in the Bevendean area have mysteriously disappeared (despite the fact that many are run over by men in white vans or picked up by mutant doves). Rune finds the case interesting and decides to pursue it.

They head to the Bevendean bar, The Really Small Atlantean, and talk to Fangio about the bar's closing (which is oddly happening the following day), but they are interrupted by the sounds of millions of animals all making noise at once.

A man with a peg leg then runs into the bar and spontaneously combusts. After all of this, Fangio gets lost in a labyrinth of rooms in the basement while searching for a bathroom and Rune solves the case. Rizla and Rune make a deal that if Rizla can solve the case, Rune will get his new suit dry cleaned (after all, a man with a peg leg just exploded in front of him). Rizla manages to figure it out and suggests to Rune that they call Bartholomew Moulsecoomb and his band of pirates.

When they arrive the animals scream again and the pirates fear that they are in danger, but they decide to stay since Rune promises them money and safety. He then reveals that The Really Small Atlantean is really a new version of Noah's Ark powered by a nuclear reactor. The animals are in the various rooms under the building (that Fangio was lost in) and they make noise at feeding time every four hours. The nuclear reactor explains the mutant doves that were previously mentioned, and it also explains the exploding peg-legged man (because of a variation and shifting of temperature). After this, Count Otto Black arrives and reveals that he planned to start his new 'Ark', called 'The Bevendean Bathyscape (Bat)' the following day (which explains why the bar was closing). Just as he starts the ship, Rizla whacks Otto in the head with the peg leg and he escapes with Rune and Fangio. The pirates stay with the Count to claim their fortune and Rizla gets a dry cleaned suit for solving the mystery.

Answer: Lewes

Lewes is a beautiful part of Brighton, but the area is virtually a maze. When Rune and Rizla arrive to celebrate at the Lewes bonfires, they stay at the Hotel California. Before a large parade, Rune tells Rizla about an urban myth featuring a man named Norris Styner who simply could not navigate the streets of Lewes. During the parade, the two spot the Chiswick Townswomen Guild and they follow them through the streets to the castle ruins.

When they arrive, the women are dancing naked around a bonfire in preparation for an effigy and Kelly Anna Sirjan is among them. Soon, Rizla and Rune find that they are in a trap. Count Otto Black and the pirates reveal themselves and prepare to toss Rune into the fire as a sacrifice in order to determine the location of the Chronovision. Just before the townswomen can throw Rune into the fire, he collapses, dead. Lightning still strikes the map and reveals the location and Rizla manages to knock Black out with Rune's walking stick.

He threatens the pirates and townswomen by nearly throwing the map into the fire and he runs.

He runs into a man in a Morris Minor car and hops in to escape, but the man later reveals himself to be Norris Styner of the urban myth in his 'Saltdean Stallion'. Soon, Rizla realizes that Norris has been dead for many years and somehow he manages to escape the locked car when the tire gets a flat. He runs back to the Hotel California and finds Rune waiting for him. Rune reveals that he used a trick taught to him by the Dalai Lama that causes him to stop his heart, and that he caused the flat tire in Norris' car. After this, Rizla is still cursed to be lost in Lewes by Norris.

Answer: Ballpoint pens

In order to escape the maze of Lewes, Rune had Rizla walk backwards back to the train station to break the curse. After Fangio gave the location of their flat at 49 Grand Parade to the townswomen of Chiswick, Rune and Rizla were forced to carry on in their search and drive to Whitehawk in search of the Chronovision.

After stealing a cab, Rune and Rizla noticed that they were being followed by Black's henchmen, so Rune took the time to talk about forbidden zones. When you take a rectangular map and try to make it into a sphere, you lose some of the areas in the process. Rune hypothesized that these 'forbidden zones held everything that people have lost over the years. Using his ocarina, Rune and Rizla entered the zone through a brick wall and Rune recovered the Chronovision before knocking Rizla out with his staff.

When he woke up a month later, Rizla found that he and Rune had been in the care of Chief Whitehawk for a month. Rune had not yet destroyed the Chronovision in order to examine it, and Whitehawk was suffering with ghosts. Rune went to investigate and found that the ghosts were actually from the future, and that if he did not destroy the Chronovision, he would be partnered up with Black to make the Brightonomicon movie (starring Elijah Wood, Sir Ian McKellen, and Gary Oldman). Rune vowed to destroy the machine to prevent this from happening, but first, two more cases needed to be solved.

Answer: Tobes

After discovering that their home at 49 Grand Parade had been burned to the ground, Rizla and Rune found a basement flat elsewhere and hid away with the Chronovision. During this time, Rune had let Rizla view images from the past including scenes of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. Soon, Rune says that not only did Christ live for many years after the ordeal, but he married a woman in Britain and had many descendants. Now, they had to find the last living descendant before destroying the Chronovision.

They decided to go to a heavy metal rock gathering nearby where they would meet the Wiseman of Withdean and the descendant. Now that Rizla was not only wanted for the murder of the Chiswick townswomen and the fire that burned down their previous residence, he was forced to disguise himself as a woman.

At the event, Rizla pulls off the disguise most of the time, but Tobes sees right through it (before collapsing due to alcohol consumption). Rune finds a man claiming to be the Wiseman of Withdean and leaves out the back door with him while Rizla discovers that Tobes is the descendant of Christ that they were looking for.

They both rush out the back entrance in time to find that Count Otto Black had just shot Rune and killed him. Luckily, Tobes used his power to bring Rune back to life, and they could begin their twelfth and final case.

Answer: Nathaniel

In the duo's final case, they decided to stay at Tobes' place for the final month. Rizla slept for another month and when he woke up, it was the final day (oddly Valentine's Day) which was exactly one year from the day that Rune and Rizla met. Tobes talked about his odd premonitions involving Count Otto Black, Rune, Rizla, and the Chronovision and Black burst through the floorboards in his Ark. Luckily, Tobes, Rizla and Rune's jackets snagged on the roof of the large nuclear-powered machine and they were pulled down to Black's lair in the cathedral of Brighton's sewer system.

They freed the animals on the Ark and set a bomb on the nuclear reactors before discovering Black with the Chronovision. When the bomb exploded, Black disappeared, but luckily, Rune played his ocarina and the three were sent to the Forbidden Zone.

They saw a dim light and moved towards it only to discover the lost city of Atlantis complete with Victorian-style houses and Tesla Towers (read "The Witches of Chiswick" and you'll know what it's all about, it's by Robert Rankin as well). Using Nathaniel the spaniel, they found their way to a bar (which Fangio was obviously employed at) and they found the location of Count Otto's penthouse apartment.

When they found him, he attempted to persuade Rune to join him and build a utopian society, but he soon sent him into a fiery abyss. Luckily, with the help of Tobes' powers, the gang was able to levitate and Rune killed Count Otto Black with his sword (for now at least). Rizla destroyed the Chronovision and they went down to the bar to talk the toot with Fangio.

Answer: Jim

In the end, Rizla, Rune, and Tobes return to the real world and they finally part ways. Rune decides to take Rizla on a cab ride to their final destination, but their previous cab drivers recognize them from the past year (after all, Rune and Rizla dodged cab fares using the stout stick that Rune carries around) and they are chased across Brighton to the pier.

At the end of the dock, Rune thanks Rizla and pushes him into the water. Rizla wakes up in a hospital be with his best friend beside him.

His friend, John Omally, tells him that he's only been asleep for one night, and Rizla remembers that he is Jim Pooley (of "The Brentford Trilogy", also by Robert Rankin). When he is told he can go, Rizla still remembers everything and the nurse tells him that his uncle brought him in.

She also gives him a small bag that his uncle left for him, and when Jim looks in it, he finds the twelve badges from his adventure. In Jim Pooley's future adventures, he continues to save the world, but he, Tobes, and Rune never meet again.

They all go on ensuring that the world is safe, and fighting with their powers and knowledge.