Fractured Excuses Trivia Quiz

Answer: My grandmother died

Having a grandmother who has passed away is a sorrowful occasion, what with having to attend the funeral and all. Yet, for some people, one suspects that their grandmothers could be related to the biblical Lazarus - as they tended to die more than once.

Answer: I was giving birth to triplets

Giving birth to multiple children at the one time needs the top award any country can bestow on any remarkable woman who produces these bundles of joy to the world. They are sheer hard work! Exceptionally beautiful of course, that's a given, but oh my goodness, the work. My daughter gave birth to twins several years ago, and of course I helped as much as possible - but it is now 13 years later - and I'm still recovering.

Answer: My nose ring got caught in the toaster

Nose rings are ornamental circlets of jewellery that are pierced through the skin on different parts of a person's nose in the mistaken belief that they somehow enhance the visual appeal of such people. However they can also appear, at first glance, as though the wearer has had a good sneeze - with unfortunate consequences. Did you know that records of nose piercings are even recorded in the Bible's book of Genesis - so could you describe the wearers as being holey holy?

Answer: Our dog had a migraine

Migraines are described as moderate to very severe headaches. They can completely incapacitate any one who suffers from them at times. They are no laughing matter at all - but this is Fun Trivia - so when our dog developed a migraine, he drove us mad with his howling.

Answer: I just got divorced

Divorce, known as the dissolution of a marriage, is the legal recognition of the end of a marriage union between two people. Sometimes, this can turn very unpleasant indeed, as battles for custody of the children and the division of properties acquired within the marriage can get very nasty - but sometimes of course, the warring pair can't wait to see the last of one another, and practically gallop to court to hear the final ruling.

Answer: The hearse drivers lost our coffin

Funeral services are very sorrowful occasions, but in this case, even more so when the drivers of the hearse misplaced the coffin they were supposed to deliver to the church. Many a good movie plot has been written about such an event, such as the hilarious 2007 British film "Death at a Funeral" starring a host of British stars - and well worth the watching.

Answer: An elephant sat on our Mini

That was a very heavy excuse, but nothing to trumpet about because, afterwards, there was nothing much left of the vehicle in question. That elephant sat on the car because it had too much to drink at the circus, and mistook the mini for a maxi taxi. The papers accordingly described this happening as the drunk with the trunk.

Answer: My dentures fell down the toilet

Did you know that a form of dentures have been around since the 7th century BC? These were made by the Etruscans in what is now Italy, from a combination of human and animal teeth and were fixed in place by bands of gold. Over the centuries that followed, various other materials were utilised in the manufacture of artificial teeth.

This included soapstone and even the horns of animals. Dare we say then that the wearers were frequently known to sing "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles"?

Answer: Cat next door ate my canary

Obviously having the cat next door eating one's canary is a sorrowful happening, but that excuse is for the birds. We've often read about early miners taking canaries down into mines with them because the little feathery creatures displayed visible distress when their respiratory systems detected poisonous gases in the mines faster than the miners did - and it gave the men enough warning to evacuate.

But did you know that many mines sometimes supplied miniature oxygen bottles attached to the carriers in which the birds were kept, in order to revive the birds when they passed out?

Answer: I was kidnapped by aliens

People being kidnapped or abducted by aliens has appeared periodically in the news from time to time. Any employer worth his or her salt should never accept this as an excuse, however. They should instead demand to know why the tardy employee just didn't let anyone know by "phoning home" instead.