The Law Really Is an Ass, Mr Dickens Quiz

Answer: Go parachuting

This was considered immodest behaviour on the part of unmarried women and liable to inflame the senses of the male of the species. Apparently, married women who were rash enough to leap out of planes on Sundays lack the same appeal.

Answer: A porcupine

It is unclear whether this law was put in place to protect the interests of unfortunate porcupines, or of desperate gentlemen, but in either case, this law has my hearty endorsement.

Answer: Shower naked

Many bathrooms of the time were public bathrooms, and to be seen showering completely naked in such locations was to invite disaster, either by way of assault, or by having one's clothing stolen, or by contravening the laws of public decency.

Answer: Salt

It was believed that putting salt on a railroad track would interfere with the traction of the wheels of the train, thus causing an accident. Since the law was enacted, it has been established that salt on the tracks has no effect at all. The law, however, still remains.

Answer: Neither shall proceed until the other has

This badly worded law was established in an attempt to prevent the incidence of train accidents at a time when many more trains were around than there are today. However, this law could also possibly explain why, even today, many trains are still late in arriving at their destinations.

Answer: Sleep in bathtubs

This is apparently the result of a 1924 case where a man's donkey began sleeping in an old bathtub that was supposed to hold its drinking water. During a flood, both the donkey and tub were washed away. The rescue attempt created a lot of time and effort for the annoyed locals, who, as a result, got up a petition for the law to be enacted.

Answer: Beat her, but not more than once a month

This archaic law is a leftover from the days when wives were considered more the property of their husbands rather than their partners in life. The law was instigated in order to protect women from too regular a beating at the hands of their devoted spouses.

Answer: Exceed 60 miles an hour

This law eventuated as a result of people, in the early days of automobiles, leaving their slow travelling vehicles to deliver goods etc before running back to the still moving vehicles and boarding them again. It took considerable energy to start a motor car in those days.

This usually involved having to very briskly turn a crankshaft several times round until the engine turned over. The crankshaft was located at the front of the vehicle - and it could sometimes take five to ten minutes of energetic turning to get the vehicle started each time.

Answer: Bounce

Apparently this was a test carried out frequently on samples of pickles to ensure they were suitable for preserving. Pickles sampled from any group which did not bounce were liable to spoil too quickly. This had to do with the correct balance between oxygen and water within the cucumbers used for pickling.

Answer: An ice cream cone

This law was created following the assault on a Georgian church minister. The minister complained too vehemently that the ice cream cone in the back pocket of one of his younger parishioners had dripped all over the new carpet in his church. The boy's mother took offence at the minister's comments and assaulted him with her parasol.

Answer: Become sexually aroused

As a result of a local travelling salesman becoming a little too agitated prior to entering a house of ill repute in Indiana, and shocking a nearby group women on their way to church, the birth of this law came about. I hate to sound indelicate, but - er - how does one go about enforcing such a law?

Answer: One-armed people

Following the American Civil War, many veterans attempted to earn a living in any manner they could. Unfortunately the audience of one one-armed veteran's attempt to tickle the ivories failed to appreciate his services both to them and to his country - and refused to pay for his services. The court case which ensued saw the enactment of this law.

Answer: Shoot the teller with a water pistol

This followed an actual incident when a light-hearted bank robber shot a water pistol at a terrified teller. The teller promptly had a seizure and later sued the bank for failing to offer adequate protection to its employees.

Answer: Relieve themselves while looking up

On Sundays, it was considered irreligious if suddenly called upon to relieve oneself on a nearby unsuspecting bush, to be looking up to the Lord's throne on high while the task was being carried out. Instead, out of respect and reverence for this day, the eyes had to be meekly lowered to the ground until the job was finished. Good to the last drop, you could say.

Answer: Whistling

This isn't about scaring the fish as you may be inclined to think, and is not nearly as silly as it sounds. For recreational diving, whistles, used underwater, are best reserved for emergencies to get attention so that hand signals can then be used. An excess of whistling is a little like crying wolf and a loss of life could be the result of too many wolf whistles being ignored. Ah me, memories are sweet.