Candy Is Dandy But Liquor's Quicker Quiz

Answer: Dorothy Rothschild

Parker was born in New Jersey to a Jewish father and a Scottish-descended mother at their summer home. Friends called her Dot or Dottie. She was quickly brought back to New York City so she could always claim to be a 'New Yorker'. She was educated in primarily Catholic schools. Her mother died when she was five and her relationship with her step-mother and father deteriorated. She was expelled from school for referring to the virgin birth of Jesus as "spontaneous combustion". Her formal education was curtailed at thirteen.

Parker did not have any children but did have an abortion. Commenting on the event she said "It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard."

Parker's advice to parents was, "The best way to keep children at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of the tires."

Answer: Novelist

In 1914 she sold her first poem to "Vanity Fair". Shortly after she became an editorial assistant on "Vogue". Her talent was recognized and she became a literary critic, even substituting for the great P. G. Wodehouse upon occasion. Readers were intrigued by her satire and wit.

This is what she said about Oscar Wilde:

"If, with the literate, I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
I never seek to take the credit;
We all assume that Oscar said it."

Answer: I married to escape my name.

Edwin Parker was a successful Wall street stock broker. The marriage was damaged by his absence during World War One and the beginning of her alcohol dependence. The marriage lasted about a year but its breakdown was not confirmed by divorce until 1928. Parker was saying that with antisemitism the way it was, she was relieved to have a non-Jewish name.

Answer: The Vicious Circle

Parker said of the group "Dammit, it was the Twenties, and we had to be smarty." It started as what we now call a 'roast' of writer Alexander Woollcott. He enjoyed the teasing so much that he said the group should meet everyday for lunch. And thus it did for about ten years. Members wrote about the Round Table and it became the nest for witty remarks, wisecracks, puns, and wordplay. The Algonquin was called the Gonk.

Or as Dorothy said "I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true."

Answer: Harpo Marx

Harpo was a member of the irregulars.

The Regulars were Parker, Franklin Pierce Adams, Robert Benchley, Heywood Broun, Marc Connelly, George S. Kaufman, Parker, Harold Ross, Robert E. Sherwood, John Peter Toohey, and Alexander Woollcott.

The Irregulars were Tallulah Bankhead, Edna Ferber, Raymond Austin, Margalo Gillmore, Jane Grant,Ruth Hale, Beatrice Kaufman, Margaret Leech, Harpo Marx,
Neysa McMein, Alice Duer Miller, Donald Ogden Stewart, Frank Sullivan, Deems Taylor, and Peggy Wood.

Groucho Marx, brother of Harpo, said "The price of admission is a serpent's tongue and a half-concealed stiletto"

Edna Ferber knew the Vicious Circle was dead when she showed up and the table was occupied by a family from Kansas.

Answer: The Magnificent Ambersons (1942)

Parker was noted for being able to take a script and 'punch up' the dialogue. In a number of films she was paid but went uncredited for her work. Yes, she did work on both the original and the remake of "A Star Is Born". She never worked with Orson Welles but a clash between them would have been something to behold.

She married Alan Campbell twice. The first was from 1934-1947 and the second from 1950-1963 until his death by suicide. Campbell was reported as being bisexual but Parker said he "was as queer as a billy goat". The divorce was based on his affair with an actress and Parker's turn to alcohol.

Answer: Smash Up (1947)

In the first scene of "Smash-up" Susan Hayward lies in a hospital bed swathed in bandages. Her first words are "Get me a drink". Although the scene is a serious one, Parker's sense of irony shines through. In her years in Hollywood Parker contributed to a least thirty-five screen plays either in story, screenplay or additional dialogue.

She once told Sam Goldwyn at a story conference "I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending".

Answer: Liberal

In referring to the Joe McCarthy investigation of communists, Parker said "I am not a traitor and I will not be involved in this obscene inquisition". She had been cited at least four times as having communist sympathies or associations. She walked out with disdain for McCarthy and HUAC and paid the price of being blacklisted.

The NAACP headquarters in Baltimore has a marker dedicated to Parker. It reads:
"Here lie the ashes of Dorothy Parker (1893-1967) humorist, writer, critic. Defender of human and civil rights. For her epitaph she suggested, 'Excuse my dust'. This memorial garden is dedicated to her noble spirit which celebrated the oneness of humankind and to the bonds of everlasting friendship between black and Jewish people. Dedicated by the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. October 28, 1988".

In 1927 Parker objected to the execution of Sacco and Vanzetti. She was arrested for loitering and fined five dollars.

Answer: She wrote a poem

No one can sum this up better than Dottie herself:

"Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live."

She also said "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."

"They say of me, and so they should,
It's doubtful if I come to good.
I see acquaintances and friends
Accumulating dividends,
And making enviable names
In science, art, and parlor games.
But I, despite expert advice,
Keep doing things I think are nice,
And though to good I never come-
Inseparable my nose and thumb."

Answer: This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Apparently Dorothy did not appreciate Rand's philosophy.

The 'emotions' quote was her comment on a Katharine Hepburn performance.

She said this about Alexander Dumas and his son:

"Although I work, and seldom cease,
At Dumas pere and Dumas fils,
Alas, I cannot make me care
For Dumas fils and Dumas pere."

And she was kind to Charles Dickens:

" Who call him spurious and shoddy
Shall do it o'er my lifeless body.
I heartily invite such birds
To come outside and say those words"!

Of Harriet Beecher Stowe she wrote:

"The pure and worthy Mrs. Stowe
Is one we all are proud to know
As mother, wife, and authoress-
Thank God, I am content with less"!

NB: It is to be noted that the quote has been a subject of controversy. Here we attribute it to Parker by common consent.