If I Only Had a Brain Trivia Quiz

Answer: George Armstrong Custer

The Gatling gun was the earliest machine gun and would have given Custer an enormous advantage over the American Indians at the Battle of the Little Bighorn River in 1876. Not only would the American Indians have had little defense against such a weapon, but many tribes had created a precedent of calling off a battle when faced with new weapons for which they were unprepared. Custer, however, felt the machinery would be an encumbrance during his regiment's march and was worried that his use of these weapons would make him appear cowardly or dishonorable in the eyes of his enemies.

He arrogantly thought he and his men could "handle" any situation. Instead, the United States Seventh Cavalry Regiment, composed primarily of hardened, experienced veteran soldiers, was nearly wiped out under his command. Five of its companies were obliterated, and 268 men--including Custer himself--made their "last stand". To be fair, I should note that some scholars disagree that Custer was at fault for his refusal to bring Gatling guns to the battle; many military commanders refused to use them because they truly were an encumbrance to troops attempting to travel any distance. Furthermore, as Sitting Bull's warriors would have evaded any army with Gatling guns, Custer would have failed to do what he wanted to do in the first place, which was to engage the Indians in warfare.

Answer: A Confederate officer left detailed battle plans where Union forces could find them.

In September of 1862, the Union forces were camped in an area in which the Confederate forces had camped a couple of days before. Two Union soldiers, Barton Mitchell and John Bloss, found some papers wrapped around three cigars and took these to their commanding officer, General George McClellan.

The papers turned out to be General Robert E. Lee's battle plans. They were detailed orders dividing his forces and sending them to different locations, and they even explained exact routes. The result of the ensuing battle, which occurred near Antietam Creek on September 17, 1862, was 23,000 dead and wounded soldiers.

The Confederacy lost tremendous numbers of men, and the loss also convinced Britain to stay out of the war when the country was tempted for a while to assist the Confederacy.

The only thing that kept the Confederacy's northern army from being completely devastated was the fact that General McClellan delayed eighteen hours before taking advantage of his knowledge of Lee's plans, presumably because he considered the plans might be fake and thus a ruse to mislead him.

After all, what dummy would have left real plans behind?

Answer: Russia

In June of 1812, Napoleon Bonaparte decided to invade Russia with nearly 700,000 soldiers, an overwhelming number for a European army, to say the least. Russia was defying his blockade of Britain ... Russian troops retreated from the army and burned everything they left behind, including Moscow. Frustrated, Napoleon turned his troops back home.

However, now his supply lines were cut and overextended, and his soldiers began starving and freezing to death in the Russian winter. His huge army was reduced to less than one quarter of a million, and Napoleon was now vulnerable.

In June 1941 Adolf Hitler followed in Napoleon's footsteps and proved that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Germany perhaps could have boasted the greatest military in the world, but Hitler decided to split that army to fight a two-front war by attacking the Soviet Union--with which he had already signed a treaty of alliance! There was no intelligent reason to attack the country. However, he did, and his troops, just like those of Napoleon's, found they could not handle the Russian winter as well as the Russians, who after falling back at first, regrouped and pushed Germany all the way back to Berlin.

Answer: Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna

In 1836, Santa Anna invaded the breakaway Texas territory with an army of 1,500 to end the Texas Revolution. On February 23, he stopped and laid siege to the Alamo Mission in San Antonio which was defended by a garrison of around 100 soldiers and volunteers that would be bolstered by fewer than 100 more reinforcements. Perhaps he thought he would demonstrate his army's great might.

Instead, the siege dragged on for 13 days, and Santa Anna lost between 400 and 600 men. His troops could have merely marched around the mission to attack the heart of the rebel forces; however, his 13-day delay allowed the new Texas government more time to organize and, more importantly the Texas military time to strengthen itself and get its troops into better strategic position. Santa Anna's troops encountered this better-organized Texas army in San Jacinto and were defeated.

The result was the birth of the Republic of Texas, which would later join the United States.

Answer: Winston Churchill

By autumn 1914, the Allies and the Central Powers had reached stalemate in The Great War. On the Western Front, the trench warfare had created a situation in which neither side could make an advance while several were dying for no gain of ground. On the Eastern Front, Russian forces were severely undersupplied, and the mood of revolt was growing while morale was dying.

When the Ottoman Empire joined sides with the Central Powers in 1914, The Black Sea, Russia's last European sea route was cut off.

At this point, the young Englishman Wintston Churchill, the First Lord of the Admiralty, cooked up a plan for the invasion of the Ottoman Empire that would reopen a sea route for Russia. He decdied to invade Gallipoli. It would prove to be a most costly mistake. First, Churchill wanted to invade with the Royal Navy.

However, he didn't wish to use the best ships because those were involved with guarding against Germany. Instead, he sent obsolete battleships with a token occupational force.

He had not foreseen the mines that quickly sank and turned back the attempt to "force the straits" of the Dardanelles. Next, Churchill planned a landing of British, French, Canadian, Indian, and ANZAC forces--something of a pre-D-Day invasion. However, one thing went wrong after another. Consistently, there were delays allowing the Turks to prepare defenses. Promised support of troops often never occurred so that they were stranded or unprotected. Certain maneuvers never worked out properly. For example, during the Battle of the Nek, one Allied attack from one direction was supposed to coincide with another Allied attack from a different direction. One wave was delayed so that the other wave arrived before the other one and was thus slaughtered by the Turks. In many spots, trench warfare had established, mirroring the Western Front. German U-boats hassled and turned back British Naval support. Allied forces basically remained stranded on the beach from April 1915 to January 1916 with little supplies and shelter exposed to extreme heat and cold, fly epidemics, dyssentery problems, and the stench of rotting corpses. In the end, the Allies failed to invade the Ottoman Empire, suffered 220,000 casualties at a 59% casualty rate, evacuated the beaches, and wasted time and resources. Churchill lost his Admiralty position, and several other generals' careers were destroyed. The Ottoman Empire experienced a surge of patriotism as the Turks saw the results as a tremendous victory on their part. By the way, ANZAC Day is celebrated by Australia and New Zealand every April 25, the day of the Allied landing at Gallipoli, to remember the great number of lives lost by these two countries. New Zealand suffered 2,721 losses, a quarter of their soldiers, which was the greatest percentage of soldiers lost by those countries represented in this campaign.

Answer: Afghanistan

For over a thousand years, various nations of people had tried to conquer Afghanistan with no success, and the Soviet Union had also witnessed the quagmire that resulted from the United States' interest in Vietnam. Nevertheless, the Russians ignored history and experience and invaded Afghanistan in December of 1979.

The Russians thought they would lend a hand to the Communist government of the Democratic Republic of Afghanistan, a government threatened by the Afghan Mujahideen guerrilla movement.

Instead, the Soviets ended up spending billions of roubles, losing great amounts of equipment and nearly 15,000 lives, and contributing to the crumbling of the Soviet Union itself. Of course, the United States CIA had become involved as well, providing surface to air missiles to the guerillas and undermining the USSR's air advantage.

The Russians eventually withdrew their forces without accomplishing much except leaving the country utterly devastated and positioned for the Taliban to take over. Of course, we know how the story developed from there ...

Answer: Japan's bombing of Pearl Harbor

On December 7, 1941, the Imperial Japanese Navy launched an aerial attack on Pearl Harbor in Hawaii. The goal was twofold: to cripple the United States' naval forces in the Pacific so that Japan achieved superior naval strength and to discourage and demoralize Americans to such an extent that the United States would stay out of the war and continue its policy of isolationism.

However, several blunders were made. First, Japan's reconnaissance failed to notice that the United States' aircraft carriers were not in harbor that morning due to a training mission.

While America lost a number of battleships, cruisers, and destroyers, it would be these aircraft carriers that led to America's victory in the Pacific. Second, while the Japanese launched two waves of bombers in an attack that lasted two hours, they did not send a third wave to destroy fuel and torpedo storage facilities as well as submarine piers.

This decision would allow the United States to recover much faster. Finally, and most importantly, rather than persuading the United States to stay out of the war, the loss of 2,402 American lives so angered the United States that it entered the war immediately.

In fact, Pearl Harbor was used as propaganda to persuade Americans to fight. President Franklin D. Roosevelt declared that December 7, 1941, would be "a date which will live in infamy", and Japan's Admiral Isoruku Yamamoto expressed his belief that his country had made a grievous mistake by awakening "a sleeping giant".

Answer: A misinterpretation of poorly worded orders

Lieutenant-General Earl of Lucan ordered his brother-in-law, Major-General Earl of Cardigan, to charge into the valley between the Fedyukhin Heights and the Causeway against impossible odds, for the valley was guarded by 20 Russian battalions and 50 artillery pieces.

This defense was set up on either side of the valley AND at the end of the valley in the direction the British would be charging. Basically, the British cavalry were riding into a trap, and they knew it! The original order had intended for the cavalry to capture the Russian guns on one of Heights; however, due to a misinterpretation, the cavalry believed they were being ordered to charge straight into the valley and take out the guns on the far side.

Despite their own belief that the mission was insane, they decided to ride into the death trap regardless, because of their overwhelming sense of duty.

As Alfred, Lord Tennyson, the Victorian poet, explained in his poem "The Charge of the Light Bridgade", despite the fact that "Someone had blunder'd", the soldiers did not question their orders: "Theirs not to make reply, / Theirs not to reason why, / Theirs but to do and die".

The Russians reportedly could not believe what they saw and assumed the British were drunk. Nevertheless, they shot the British to pieces. 607 to 673 British soldiers rode into the "Valley of Death", as Tennyson called it, and the result was 278 casualties and a loss of 335 horses. Interestingly, the reputation of the British cavalry was increased, and Lord Cardigan became a hero (the sweaters we wear today are named for him)!

Answer: The Battle of Lake Trasimene

Hannibal, his elephants, and his Carthaginian and Gallic horde were marching toward Rome when Hanibal learned that the Romans under the leadership of Gaius Flaminius were in pursuit to put a halt to his advance. Hannibal set up an elaborate ambush and waited near the shore of Lake Trasimene. Flaminius was in such a rush that he allowed his 30,000 soldiers to wander into the trap with Hannibal's troops surrounding the Romans on all sides but one--and the lake itself "guarded" that side. Most of the Romans had nowhere to retreat except into the lake, where they drowned.

The Romans lost nearly half their soldiers and suffered a tremendous loss during one of the most successful ambushes in military history. However, despite Hannibal's military genius, Flaminius had been unwise to allow his hunger for battle to override the common sense not to be caught with a physical boundary preventing retreat.

Answer: The Dieppe Raid

A little over 6,000 men, mostly Canadian soldiers but also a few British naval and air force contingents, attempted to prove that the Allied powers could capture a piece of France's northern coastline at the port of Dieppe. Apparently, that was the only real objective--proving that the Allies could land in Nazi-held territory, or perhaps to see what the German response would be.

The British-planned invasion under the leadership of Vice-Admiral Louis Lord Mountbatten did prove the Allies could land in German territory, but they so obviously could not hold it.

The Allied forces had to retreat six hours after the invasion began and after the loss of around 3,600 men. That was almost a 60% casualty rate. The British also lost nearly 100 aircraft and around thirty landing craft. Perhaps the only good that came from the slaughter was important tactical information that would be used to storm the beaches of Normandy on D-Day.