The Day Today Trivia

1. Complete the following headline: 'Headmaster suspended for using big-faced child as...'?

From Quiz 'The Day Today'

Answer: Satellite dish

At the beginning of each programme, Chris Morris reads out ridiculous headlines such as this. We are not given any more information on this story during the rest of the programme. Still, it's a very funny idea.

From Quiz The Day Today

Answer: Ironic

"The whole controversy is preposterous, his chorus is obviously ironic." The chorus being "Uzi lover, she's an Uzi lover"... clearly ironic!

From Quiz 'The Day Today'

Answer: Lindsay

This was the story of a dramatic rescue. On Lindsay's birthday, Chester Johnson took her for a ride in his helicopter, which went out of control when he knocked himself unconscious by headbutting his watch, and had to be flown back down by the dog. Lindsay was given whistled instructions by a shepherd in a control tower.

From Quiz 'The Day Today'

Answer: Bureau de Change

The soap opera 'The Bureau', only had five characters involved in it, as it was a very small shop. The manager, Mr. Hennetty, is played by Steve Coogan.

From Quiz The Day Today

Answer: Horses

"For years, the system of tunnels and shafts has supported a small population of wild horses without bothering the commuters. The only pest control necessary was performed by the teams of 'fluffers', who to this day still remove clots of hair from the tracks." I don't think there's any other voice in the business that can make even the simplest of things seem so important and threatening as Ted Maul's. However, this fatalism is tempered somewhat by his ridiculous moustache.

From Quiz 'The Day Today'

Answer: Valerie Sinatra

Chris Morris' character is very flirtatious with Valerie Sinatra, often being very soppy and complimentary towards her. Valerie Sinatra is played by Rebecca Front. The alternative answers given are also people who do reports on the show.

From Quiz The Day Today

Answer: "Come, set your equipment up in our refuge, the world must see this mess"

"We found an injured man [the man was shot by Gekkaloys the moment she sees him], and did our best. There are always casualties in war. There was a family sheltering in the back room. We had no tongue in common, but through the universal language of mutual need [Gekkaloys yells at the clearly terrified woman who appears to be trying to force her out of the house] I knew she was saying 'Come, set your equipment up in our refuge, the world must see this mess'." During the Iraq war, it was a little disturbing to see the news coverage in Britain beginning to resemble the over dramatized and glamourized 'The Day Today' war episode. Of course, the completely over-the-top graphics in the opening credit sequence and throughout the show looks more and more like the norm with each passing year! We appear to be heading towards the media vision Chris Morris foresaw!

From Quiz 'The Day Today'

Answer: 'Uzi Lover'

The lyrics to this song are difficult to make out, and are also far too offensive to recount. In the background is the tune of Phil Collins' 'Easy Lover', which makes it even funnier.

From Quiz The Day Today

Answer: "Inhale helium to subtract credibility from his statements"

"Sinn Fein have so far denied they are backing the campaign. Earlier today I spoke to their deputy leader, Rory O'Connor, who under broadcasting restrictions must inhale helium to subtract credibility from his statements." Cue Steve Coogan, as Rory O'Connor, telling Chris Morris how angry he is in a falsetto Irish accent! 'The Day Today' at its very best!

From Quiz 'The Day Today'

Answer: Cobweb

This headline is from the end of one of the episodes, when Chris Morris's character looks at the next day's newspaper headlines. These headlines rarely make any sense. Another memorable headline was 'Old woman killed by little glass planet'.

From Quiz The Day Today

Answer: "That's right Chris, mass redundancy on an unprecedented scale."

O'Hanraha-hanrahan: "Chris, it's a mass redundancy measure, it's the biggest layoff in American industrial history. 3,5000 jobs in one fell swoop. Gone!" Morris: "3,5000?" O'Hanraha-hanrahan: "Yes." Morris: "Peter, there's only 2,5000 people at the plant!" O'Hanraha-hanrahan: "That's right Chris, mass redundancy on an unprecedented scale." Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan, the worst (and most impossibly named) economics correspondant on television. In the three episodes he appears in, in addition to the mistake above, he lies about meeting a finance minister and allows an M.P. to leave an interview as he's about to admit to lying to the House of Commons.

From Quiz The Day Today

Answer: "Two-bit Punch and Judy show on the seafront at Margate"

"Oi! What's goin' on 'ere? This is supposed to be a high class Bureau de Change, not some two-bit Punch and Judy show on the seafront at Margate!" A brilliant parody of British soap operas. I'm not sure Hennety spends a whole second not either sneering or laughing, evilly. Take you pick as to which soap star he is satirising. Hennety is also heard shouting out "Oi! I'm trying to run a high-class bureau de change, not some two-bit nipple peep show in Rio de Janiero." in a later episode.

From Quiz 'The Day Today'

Answer: Jam

Chris Morris's character interviews the woman who has organised the London Jam Festival and tells her it's been a complete waste of her time. He also tells her she is extremely ugly and smiles happily when she bursts into tears.

From Quiz The Day Today

Answer: "It's bigger than that, Chris, it's large"

Morris: "And as a result of that broadcast, the crisis has deepend dramatically! I'm joined by our crisis correspondent, Spartacus Mills. Spartacus, this is huge history happening, isn't it?" Mills: "It's bigger than that, Chris, it's large. If you've got a history book at home, take it out, throw it in the bin - it's worthless. The history books will now have to be rewritten." And here I was thinking that huge was bigger than large. Well, they do say that you learn something new every day.

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