The Day Today Trivia Quiz

Answer: "Dentist jailed after kidnapping the 'Tooth Fairy'"

Some other gems:

"Fist-headed man destroys church"
"'Leave us alone' say men from Saturn"
"David Owen emerges shattered from Oliver Reed"

I had quite a hard time trying to come up with a headline as ridiculous as the ones that 'The Day Today' came up with. As the examples above show, the headlines at the start of the show are a little bizarre.

Answer: Ironic

"The whole controversy is preposterous, his chorus is obviously ironic."

The chorus being "Uzi lover, she's an Uzi lover"... clearly ironic!

Answer: Sebastian Coe

Morris: "You persuaded these celebrities to waste their time donating to it?"
Breen: "Yes"
Morris: "Well, who?"
Breen: "Urm, Glenys Kinnock we've got, and Sebastian Coe"
Morris: "I hate Sebastian Coe!"

This was another one of Morris' interviews which goes sorely awry as he discovers that he doesn't like the interviewee, who ends up in tears.

Answer: Horses

"For years, the system of tunnels and shafts has supported a small population of wild horses without bothering the commuters. The only pest control necessary was performed by the teams of 'fluffers', who to this day still remove clots of hair from the tracks."

I don't think there's any other voice in the business that can make even the simplest of things seem so important and threatening as Ted Maul's. However, this fatalism is tempered somewhat by his ridiculous moustache.

Answer: "Come, set your equipment up in our refuge, the world must see this mess"

"We found an injured man [the man was shot by Gekkaloys the moment she sees him], and did our best. There are always casualties in war. There was a family sheltering in the back room. We had no tongue in common, but through the universal language of mutual need [Gekkaloys yells at the clearly terrified woman who appears to be trying to force her out of the house] I knew she was saying 'Come, set your equipment up in our refuge, the world must see this mess'."

During the Iraq war, it was a little disturbing to see the news coverage in Britain beginning to resemble the over dramatized and glamourized 'The Day Today' war episode. Of course, the completely over-the-top graphics in the opening credit sequence and throughout the show looks more and more like the norm with each passing year! We appear to be heading towards the media vision Chris Morris foresaw!

Answer: "Inhale helium to subtract credibility from his statements"

"Sinn Fein have so far denied they are backing the campaign. Earlier today I spoke to their deputy leader, Rory O'Connor, who under broadcasting restrictions must inhale helium to subtract credibility from his statements."

Cue Steve Coogan, as Rory O'Connor, telling Chris Morris how angry he is in a falsetto Irish accent! 'The Day Today' at its very best!

Answer: "That's right Chris, mass redundancy on an unprecedented scale."

O'Hanraha-hanrahan: "Chris, it's a mass redundancy measure, it's the biggest layoff in American industrial history. 3,5000 jobs in one fell swoop. Gone!"
Morris: "3,5000?"
O'Hanraha-hanrahan: "Yes."
Morris: "Peter, there's only 2,5000 people at the plant!"
O'Hanraha-hanrahan: "That's right Chris, mass redundancy on an unprecedented scale."

Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan, the worst (and most impossibly named) economics correspondant on television. In the three episodes he appears in, in addition to the mistake above, he lies about meeting a finance minister and allows an M.P. to leave an interview as he's about to admit to lying to the House of Commons.

Answer: "Two-bit Punch and Judy show on the seafront at Margate"

"Oi! What's goin' on 'ere? This is supposed to be a high class Bureau de Change, not some two-bit Punch and Judy show on the seafront at Margate!"

A brilliant parody of British soap operas. I'm not sure Hennety spends a whole second not either sneering or laughing, evilly. Take you pick as to which soap star he is satirising.

Hennety is also heard shouting out "Oi! I'm trying to run a high-class bureau de change, not some two-bit nipple peep show in Rio de Janiero." in a later episode.

Answer: "It's bigger than that, Chris, it's large"

Morris: "And as a result of that broadcast, the crisis has deepend dramatically! I'm joined by our crisis correspondent, Spartacus Mills. Spartacus, this is huge history happening, isn't it?"
Mills: "It's bigger than that, Chris, it's large. If you've got a history book at home, take it out, throw it in the bin - it's worthless. The history books will now have to be rewritten."

And here I was thinking that huge was bigger than large. Well, they do say that you learn something new every day.

Answer: All of these

The comments from Alan in this section are quite extraordinary. Although, those of you who have enjoyed the dubious privilege of hearing Kevin Keegan commentate will perhaps feel that Alan's are slightly more sensible and certainly better thought out!