It's in the Fine Print! Trivia Quiz

Answer: "Do not iron clothes on body"

So, just to be clear: remove clothes from body BEFORE ironing. Apparently, there appears to have been reason to debate this.

Similarly, on a bottle of laundry detergent I read "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine". Maybe I'm missing something - maybe there are people out there whose clothes are irremovable, and the only way to get them clean and crease-free, is to throw their actual bodies into the wash, and risk skin lacerations from the iron. I've led a sheltered life.

'Rowenta' sell many different ironing products, including ironing boards, so now there's no need to 'Wear While Ironing'. At last!

Answer: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill"

We all dislike visiting the dentist, but here is the proof that the dentist does indeed have the monopoly on all drilling of teeth. Sorry.

For clarification, a 'Carpenter's' Drill is "An implement with cutting edges, or a pointed end, for boring holes in hard materials, usually by a rotating abrasion or repeated blow". I'll be honest, it DOES sound frighteningly similar to going to the dentist. Maybe they have a good point.

Answer: Korean Kitchen Knife

Yes people, always keep knives out of children. I'm guessing it meant to say "Keep product out OF REACH of children". But don't listen to me - I'm the one that nearly ironed my skin.

I also saw a warning on a knife sharpener once, that read: "Caution: Knives are sharp". So now you know.

Answer: RCA Television Remote Control

Sometimes it's even too much effort to press the buttons on a remote control; so I really don't want to risk being remote control-less simply for the luxury of washing it. And I'm especially bad with technology. When my husband's away, I live in silence because I can't turn anything on.

I'd love to know the stories behind these warnings, and what scenario prompted them! I can only assume that someone, somewhere, has attempted these things, and then complained to the product company that they should have been warned not to attempt them. Are we all really so daft?

Answer: "May cause drowsiness"

Another similar warning in the fine print of a medicine bottle, was from Boot's Cough medicine for children. It cautioned: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". Is it just me, or do others think it's unwise for a five year old to be operating a bulldozer when they have a cough?

There are other seemingly obvious warnings on things such as take-out coffee cups from coffee shops, cautioning you: "Hot beverages may be hot"! It's the word "may" that confuses me.

In a UK department store - Marks and Spencer - they sold a dessert called Bread and Butter Pudding, with the warning: "Product will be hot after heating". You don't say?

Answer: It was printed on the bottom of the pot

So I think it's safe to say that I ruined that particular pot of Tiramisu, by having to turn it upside-down, in order to read the note telling me that I shouldn't turn it upside-down. I surreptitiously replaced it and picked up a non damaged one. No one saw.

Tiramisu is a delicious Italian dessert, flavored with coffee, and made with lady fingers biscuits and cream, with cocoa sprinkled on top. Personally, I could eat it upside-down/sideways/standing on my head; it would still be great!

Answer: "For indoor or outdoor use only"

I'm truly struggling to think where else they could be used? Perhaps internally? But WHO would eat them though? Maybe someone who'd use a 'Carpenter's' Drill to get something out their teeth?

Quote about Christmas lights:
"The outdoor Christmas lights - green and red and gold and blue and twinkling - remind me that most people are that way all year round: kind, generous, friendly and with an occasional moment of ecstasy. But Christmas is the only time they dare reveal themselves." - Harlan Miller

Answer: "Do not use while sleeping"

It may have previously seemed like a good idea to blow-dry your hair whilst sleeping; but you heard it here first - do not. Not sure why - I'm just the messenger.

One other warning from a hair product, was on a bottle of hair dye I bought (yes, that's right, I'm not a natural blonde...) It read "Do not use as an ice-cream topping". Sure.

Answer: No purchase necessary, but competition details are INSIDE the bag of chips

The packet read "You could be a winner - no purchase necessary!" And in tiny letters underneath it said "Details inside packet". Would it be illegal, or just frowned upon, to open the packets before purchasing, to check if you're a winner? Can someone else try it out for me? I don't want to risk jail.

'Fritos' are corn chips made by 'Frito-Lay'. A man named Elmer Doolin began the 'Frito' corporation in 1932. They make lots of different varieties; my favorite, boringly, being the 'Original' flavor.

Answer: "Do not swallow"

So before you head over to your mattress, with salt and pepper in hand to season it with, ALWAYS check that fine print. You never know, you may just have one of those edible mattresses that the world has been waiting for.

I hope you've learned some valuable lessons in this quiz. Here is a quick re-cap that you may want to print out and keep close at hand:
1. Hot iron burns skin. Try using new invention of ironing board. It'll soon catch on.
2. Carpenter drills may damage mouth.
3. Keep Korean Knife out of children (Only Korean?)
4. Electrical items are not happy to be washed.
5. Don't take a sleep aid to sleep; it causes drowsiness.
6. Tiramisu (and all desserts?) are inedible upside-down.
7. Only use Christmas lights everywhere.
8. Be very alert when using hairdryers. Perhaps some caffeine beforehand wouldn't go amiss.
9. Claims on bags of chips are not all they're cracked up to be.
10. Um, just don't eat your mattress I guess.