This'll Test Your Questing Prowess Quiz

Answer: ...time it so that you are the very last adventurer to arrive in the courtyard.

Bringing training credentials would not work. The chamberlain would assume they are forged. Everyone knows that Primrosian Rhomboids are virtually untrainable.

Public relations is still in its infancy in Greater Vache. The only public relations firm in the land, Cess Poul, Slug & Bile, Inc. have a dubious track record. Their last client was run out of town after trying to sell curdled milk.

If Lord FIFO was still chamberlain, you would have done well to have camped out in the courtyard in order to be the first in line. After all, like his acronym name, he always handled things in a (F)irst-(I)n, (F)irst-(O)ut order. But he is no longer chamberlain, so that would not work.

If you decided to be last to arrive, you would have been the first chosen, because the new chamberlain, Lord LIFO, like his acronym name, always handles things in a (L)ast-(I)n, (F)irst-(O)ut order.

Answer: ...go to a botanist and purchase a vase with a flowering plant in it.

Buying hamburger meat will do you little good. Primrosian Rhomboids are vegetarian.

Giving liquor to a Primrosian Rhomboid is not a good thing. They tend to get sad and depressed, often humming old Barry Manilow tunes off-key.

Getting a book for a Primrosian Rhomboid would prove useless, since they cannot read without spectacles and Skeeter is too vain to wear a pair (a fact I neglected to inform you of). Besides, they have no ears or nose to hold the spectacles up with.

If you decided to go to the botanist and buy the flower, you made the right decision. A beefsteak heliconia is a type of exotic flower.

Answer: ...the island of Zanzibar.

Going to the Nakatomi Plaza building would be hard, since it is the fictional setting where much of the orginal Die Hard film takes place.

Giant purple winged wallabees are not capable of space flight, so Planet X is out of the question. Please note that I did state purple wallabee and not the space fairing orange variety.

Primrosian Rhomboids do not do well in jungles and neither do Primrosian Rhomboid petnappers. Besides, whereas Cusco is the ancient capital of the Incas, it is located in the Peruvian Andes, not the Peruvian jungle. In any event; it is not the place you should be heading to.

Bububu and Kidichi are named after villages in Zanzibar. The Narnakian Housing Complex, the Red Colobus, is named after a monkey species indigenous to the East African island. The Jozani Forest and Mtoni Ruins are likewise located in Zanzibar.

Answer: ...first Poe, then Dickens. You only nod at King and say that you are one of the few who watched 'Kingdom Hospital'.

Only tickling Poe would do no good; the feather told you to slay all the ghosts. Standing on one foot and yelling "Nevermore!" would make you look a little strange.

Tickling first Dickens, then Poe, would not be correct because Edgar Allan Poe died in 1849, before Charles Dickens who died in 1870.

The correct order of feather tickling should have been Poe (1849) and Dickens (1870). You should not have tickled Stephen King at all, because in January of 2005, he was not a ghost.

'Kingdom Hospital' was a short-lived television series that King helped write and develop.

Answer: ...the Riddler!

John Ashcroft? Really now, I don't think so.

The famous silent movie actor Lon Chaney was known for his wonderful makeup and disguises, but that's not who the cow once was.

Laurence Olivier, another famous actor of film and stage, hated green leotards, or so it has been said; that is not who the cow was.

The poor cow used to be the Riddler, one of Batman's many adversaries. The criminal mastermind often wore green leotards with question marks. In the television series, he was played by both Frank Gorshen and John Astin. Jim Carrey played the Riddler in the film 'Batman Forever'.

Answer: ...hurl a teensy-weensy miniature magical black hole high into the air near the monster's one massive eye.

Shoving a knitting needle into the 1,359th eye of the monster would only make it angry and cause it to be know as the Fell Beast of Almost a Million Eyes.

Planting the seed of very-very-very fast growing ragweed might manage to generate enough pollen in the air quickly enough to make the eyes redder and more irritated than they already are, but it won't keep the eye from shooting its laser beam at you.

The seismic wave generator would generate terrible earthquakes that would cause the rocky tower to tumble in on itself, killing the evil beast. Unfortunatley, since you are also in the tower, you also would be killed.

Using the teensy-weensy miniature magical black hole is the right answer. A laser is a light beam (the word LASER is actually an acronym derived from Light Amplification by Stimulated Emmision of Radiation). A black hole is a concentration of mass so dense that it generates sufficient gravity to suck in everything near it, even to the point of bending light itself. The miniature magical black hole disrupts the monster's laser beam causing it to miss you each time it fires allowing you to calmly walk past the ugly fiend.

Answer: ...first press a greenish-yellow button followed by a purplish-red button.

The color chartreuse is a brilliant yellow-green. This was the first button to be pressed. Fuchsia is a purplish red. This was the second button to be pressed.

Any other combination would make for a very content and happy slug-eating ninja penguin.

Answer: "I see, a knight. Sir Clyde, I order you to stand aside!"

No horse named Clyde every won the Triple Crown of racing: the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness, and the Belmont. Even if one had, it would not make the horse a king.

Clyde is a big horse and even looks a little like a clydesdale. But he says he was born and raised in Paris and clydesdales get their names from the River Clyde in Scotland from the farmers of Lanarkshire. The old name for Lanarkshire is Clydesdale. Even if Clyde was a clydesdale, it would not make him a baron.

Clyde is obviously male, so using the honorific of mister is not too far wrong but it is not the proper one that should be used in this case. Besides, the answer using 'mister' asked a question which is not a command.

The correct action is to address Clyde as 'Sir' and then order him to let you pass. Clyde said he was born and raised in Paris so he is obviously French. In French, a horse is a 'cheval'. There once was a very famous French singer named Maurice: Maurice Chevalier. A French chevalier was a mounted horseman or knight. Clyde also said that he strived to be brave, courteous, and gallant; all knightly virtues. Clyde must be a knight. The correct honorific for a knight is 'Sir'.

Answer: ...enter the glass building, find a tiny white flower, return and toss the flower onto FIFO's shield.

The object you passed was a printing press. A heavy screw was used to press a printing block against a sheet of paper. Linseed oil, along with other vegetable oils were used to improve early kinds of ink. Too bad the book written by Dr. Benjamin Spock, "The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care", would only bounce harmlessly off the shield.

Wrapping your sword in smelly diapers would only result in you becoming a stinky coprse.

Kidnappping a baby from the infant nursery and having it breathe on the shield would do nothing. Well, it might work if only because of the laughter it would induce from FIFO, but nice adventurers like yourself would never kidnap or endanger an infant.

FIFO has the Shield of Louloudi, wielded by Alexander the Great. Knowing that Alexander was Greek and louloudi is Greek for flower, you go back and enter the glass building, a plant nursery, and find a small white flower called a Baby's Breath. When you throw this at the shield, it shatters.

Answer: ...painting of the cathedral.

Skeeter is a Primrosian Rhomboid. You are not really sure what makes a rhomboid Primrosian, but you know that in geometry a rhomboid is a parallelogram with adjacent sides that are of unequal length. Its angles are oblique - they are not right angles.

None of the paintings really seem to fit that description in any way. You wonder if FIFO lied. Then you remember that St. Basil's Cathedral is located in Moscow in RED SQUARE. All the lines in the painting are uneven and at strange angles.

When you place the key on this painting, out pops Skeeter!

You return to Greater Vache where the Queen rewards you with a moo-berry pie that she baked herself. The king presents you with a tin bell that he places around your neck. Tired but happy, you head out to the pasture and do some grazing content in knowing that for a few days anyway, you are the greatest adventurer in Greater Vache.