Keep Austin Weird Trivia Quiz

Answer: True

Why include this on a Keep Austin Weird quiz? Well, if you consider Texas politics and politicians (not to offend anyone by listing names) it's pretty obvious... Consider that Texas is the Bavaria of the USA. It's the boondocks, the locals are generally regarded as hicks, and it's conservative politically with a liberal capital, Austin or Munich.

Answer: Jackalopes

All right, so it is not just an Austin thing. But I have managed to pick up quite a few Jackalope postcards at souvenir shops in Austin. I've never seen rattlesnakes in town except in the Austin Zoo, but armadillos and roadrunners are fairly common. If you ever get to Fort Stockton in west Texas, be sure to check out Paisano Pete, the 10-something foot tall roadrunner statue.

Answer: All of these

"The Stupid Texas Song" is filled with stupid Texas superlatives: "Our beaches are the oiliest," "Our rattlesnakes are the coiliest," "Our neighbors are the Okiest," that sort of thing. Should be required listening for anyone coming to visit. "Old Blevans" is a takeoff of the country western cliché where a man who has been having some trouble in his life walks into a bar, where he meets some old geezer who gives him some advice that turns his life around.

This time, the geezer, Old Blevans, only says "Blah, blah, blah, blah..." "Jesus Loves Me (But He Can't Stand You)" should be self-explanatory.

Answer: Grackles

These birds are SMART. In my neighborhood, they have discovered how to eat dry dog food (they soak it in my birdbath first.) They have also mastered the "I'm so pitiful, I only have one leg, won't you please feed me?" ploy. After receiving food, they'll put the other leg down and run off.

Answer: A grocery store

Central Market has an incredible variety of local and exotic foods. I mean, more than ten brands of tortilla chips? A whole wall full of salsa? Fruit with names I don't know how to pronounce? And SAMPLES. Recently, another great big grocery store opened up, the new Whole Foods. Go to both. Whole foods has more desserts (yum), but Central Market's produce section kicks...whatever.

Answer: A video gaming outlet

Recent clever slogans have included "Let Qui Gons be Qui Gons," "Sith Happens," "Eschew Obfuscation," and, after the recent election, "Canada 2075 Miles." Gizmondo Studios creates video games. One recent title is "Johnny Whatever." According to the local newspaper, "Though the action takes place in a futuristic London, the game is a distinctly Austin product; Johnny uses a souped-up guitar to liberate Londoners brain-washed by robots." The ultimate goal? Rescue the queen from a vat of mustard. I can't wait.

Answer: Apes

In 2004, it was fruits and vegetables. The 2005 sticker feature gibbons. And these are big stickers too, maybe two feet square, and bright orange and yellow or pink and green. One morning, as I was riding the bus with a friend, I off-handedly remarked, "Oh, that building just got gibboned." He said, "Shouldn't that be gibbonized?" I said, "No, that's the process of turning into a gibbon." Perhaps that is quibbling over semantics.

But for a linguist like myself, that's a gibbon. The gibbon stickers might seem irrelevant or trivial, but you can now buy begibboned t-shirts, so what can I say?

Answer: Dinosaur

At one point, the poor Mangiasaurus was vandalized, but John Maisano of the Vertebrate Paleontology Lab and Texas Memorial Museum stepped in to repair it. Mangiasaurus Rex now greets the world with glowing red eyes! The pizza is good, too.

Answer: Eeyore

Non-profit organizations make and sell food. Most people show up wearing costumes. What fun.

Answer: Spam

Spamarama was apparently a rip-off of the Texas tradition of chili cook-offs. According to tradition, the founders of Spamarama were talking one day (according to the Potentate of Potted Pork himself): "I mean, anybody can cook chili" Dick observed. "All you need is some kinda meat, some water, chili powder, comino, and maybe some cayenne, garlic, and/or onion, and you got yer basic chili. If you're from north of the Red River, you might throw in some kinda beans, but basically, that's about all it takes to make 'chili.'" " Yeah, not much of a challenge there, is it?" I responded. "Now if someone could make SPAM® edible," Dick continued, "That would be a challenge. We ought to have a a 'SPAM®-Off.'" Spamarama has now expanded to include not just a cook-off, but a Spam Ball, Spamalympics, and Spam Jam.

Answer: Christmas lights

Favorites? The house covered in tin foil and still-in-box lights (Watch the electric meter whizz like a ticker tape machine recording the annual debt), and strings of lights stuck into pill bottles, egg cartons, tic tac boxes, tin cans, colored glass bottles, you name it.

The lit-up car junk angel, with VW bug fenders for wings. The swordfish with CDs for scales. And about that volcano: It erupts every three minutes, complete with red light "lava" and smoke machines. It is outside the house of a theater tech guy. Must be seen to be believed.

Answer: Flamingoes

Pots and Plants is located in an upscale neighborhood. The residents of the neighborhood thought that the flocks and swarms of pink lawn flamingoes were lowering property values. They petitioned to outlaw the flamingoes. The Powers That Be threw the petition out. I mean, do these people have no sense of fun or what? And it's not flamingoes all the time, either.

In winter, even the mild Austin weather is too cold for them, so they put out penguins instead.

Answer: O. Henry

The pun-off is always during final exams! What a bummer. Last year's winning routine was the horrible, horrible "Star Wars The Musical." Third place was on the subject of cannibalism: "Men and women of GOOD TASTE, great to finally EAT YOU! I wouldn't lie, my mother BRAISED ME well, so that's no CAN O' BULL.

After years in the PIZZA CORPSE working as a HUMAN-EAT-ARIAN, I'm here finally to compete at the Pun-off; I promise you I'm no FLESH IN THE PAN." Groooaaaaaannnnn...

Answer: Engineering

Back in the days of yore, the TECEM Club (Texas Engineers: Civil, Electrical and Mining), whose stated purpose was to "promote practically everything but learning and scholarly attainments," in their quest to make April 1st a holiday and discover their own patron saint, abducted, or should I say liberated, Alec, a five-foot tall wooden statue of a chubby, bearded fellow much like Falstaff, from Jacoby's Beer Garden.

He is credited with creating such engineering marvels as the pyramids, the hanging gardens of Babylon, and the Suez Canal. Alec has since been involved in numerous adventures, but now resides somewhere in one of the engineering buildings.

Answer: All of these

Leslie died in 2012, aged 60. He was a familiar sight in downtown Austin. I hope you've enjoyed this quiz! Life in Austin is never dull!