Spare Me That Old-Time Brutal Execution Quiz

Answer: Revolutionary France

The infamous guillotine is a contraption consisting of a sharp, heavy blade held aloft between upright guides; when dropped, it slices through the victim's neck. Of all the methods discussed in this quiz, this may be the least repugnant, as it is relatively quick, but it is still quite dreadful to contemplate, and the condemned were nonetheless made into a public spectacle.

Pardoxically, it is named for physician Joseph Ignace Guillotin, who was opposed to the death penalty. He petitioned to make capital punishment more humane during the French Revolution, when (slow) hanging was commonplace. The device was originally called the 'louisette' or 'louison', after its inventor, surgeon Antoine Louis. Guillotin's children tried after their father's death in 1814 to have the name changed back, but to no avail, so they changed their name instead.

Answer: 15th-century Romania

The most famous ruler to use impalement was Vlad III (1431-1476?), Prince of Wallachia, a region north of the Danube in Romania. Also known as Vlad Draculea or Vlad Dracula, he was the inspiration for Bram Stoker's famous vampire novel. Woodcuts from German pamphlets of the 15th-16th centuries depict Vlad carrying out impalement, and so in Western Europe he was also called Vlad the Impaler, but only beginning around 1550, long after his death.

The Ottomans, however, after witnessing his "forests" of victims, called him 'Kaziklı Voyvoda' ("Lord Impaler").

Answer: Ancient South/Southeast Asia

For four millennia this was a preferred method of capital punishment in Greater India (Indochina and the Indian subcontinent). The victim's head would be placed on a rock, and then a carefully trained elephant would step on it -- not quickly but rather slo-o-o-wly increase pressure to prolong the agony until the condemned was crushed. Asian kings liked this punishment because it inspired fear in their subjects, who would witness that their sovereign could control even Nature. Knowing a good thing when they see one, Rome, Carthage, and Macedon eventually adopted this punishment for mutineers.

Answer: Ancient Rome

Although this form of execution did not originate in Rome, the Eternal City made it her own upon its introduction in the 2nd century B.C.; indeed, she made it part of her blood sports known as Bestiarii ("those who combat with beasts"). But ofttimes, the condemned weren't generally given a fighting chance, even put in the ring naked and utterly unable to defend themselves, in what was also called objicere bestiis ("to be devoured by beasts").

The punishment was particularly applied to Christians beginning with the reign of Nero, after the Great Fire of Rome in 64 A.D.

But others sentenced to damnatio ad bestias included deserters, sorcerers, plebeian poisoners (patricians were beheaded), and kidnappers of children. The condemned could not write a will; moreover, his or her property was confiscated.

This bestial practice was abolished only in 681 A.D., though in the Byzantine Empire it was used once more under Basil II to punish conspiratorial generals.

Answer: the Papal States

It is just as it sounds. The prisoner was led to a piazza in Rome, then the executioner would strike the condemned on the head with a large, long-handled mallet until dead. But a prayer was said first. And if it took too long, the executioner would slit the poor wretch's throat. According to Geoffrey Abbott in his book "Way to Go" (2007), mazzatello was "one of the most brutal methods of execution ever devised, requiring minimal skill on the part of the executioner and superhuman acquiescence by the victim."

The Papal States, territories in central Italy under direct rule of the papacy (A.D. 754-1870), began using mazzatello in the 18th century. Not until the last territories, Lazio and Rome itself, were conquered by the Kingdom of Italy, effectively dissolving the Papal States and leaving the Vatican landless, did this form of execution cease, in 1870.

Alexandre Dumas called this 'la mazzolata' in his "The Count of Monte Cristo". Some Native American peoples also used this method, though with more skill to ensure a merciful death; apparently Pocahontas saved explorer John Smith from this fate in colonial Virginia.

Answer: Ancient Greece and Sicily

Also known as the bronze bull or the Sicilian bull, the Brazen Bull was invented in 560 A.D. by blacksmith Perilaus (or Perillos) in Athens, Greece for Phalaris, the tyrant of Akgragas (Agrigento), Sicily. The victim was locked inside a hollow, bronze bull, under which a fire was lit.

While the victim literally roasted, a system of tubes and pipes converted his screams into taurine bellows, and smoke would come out the Brazen Bull's nose, all to the amusement of onlookers. Phalaris tricked Perilaus into becoming a test subject for his own invention, but the poor Greek was released before he died, only to be executed by being thrown from a hill. Phalaris himself became a victim of the Bull when Telemachus overthrew him in 554 B.C. Traditionally it is believed that St. Antipas, Bishop of Pergamum, was roasted alive in a similar device by Emperor Diocletian in 287 A.D.

Answer: China before 1905

Ling chi (or lingchi) is meant to humiliate as well terminate, and to mutilate the body for eternity in the afterlife. The prisoner was tied publicly to a wooden frame and the executioner cut flesh from the body in multiple slices. Generally the torturous death was reserved for high treason, mass murder, parricide, and dominicide (killing one's master). Many emperors through China's history employed this method, particularly in the Song dynasty (A.D. 960-1279), although other Emperors, such as Shi Jingtan (A.D. 892-942) had abolished the practice during their reigns.

There is a long Chinese tradition of seeking to abandon the practice. A memo by civil servant Lu You (1125-1210) calling for abolition, was copied and re-copied until finally reformist Shen Jiaben (1840-1913) successfully ended ling chi in 1905.

The Vietnamese used ling chi to execute French missionary Joseph Marchand in 1835. Ling chi, or leng t'che in Wade-Giles romanization, is also called the slow process, the lingering death, death by 1000 cuts, or slow slicing.

Answer: Ancient Rome

Not content with death by lions or elephants, the Romans perfected crucifixion to maximize pain and suffering. The practice may have started, however, with the Persians, and then been adopted by the Phoenicians, who spread it westward. (Alexander the Great may have crucified his enemies as well.)

A humiliating fate, it was generally reserved in Rome for the vilest of criminals, revolutionaries, slaves, and foreigners (almost never Roman citizens). Scourging (flogging) was frequently carried out first to weaken the victim and induce shock. He was then tied or nailed to a gibbet of some sort, variously shaped as a T, a Y, an X, or the familiar cross. Death could come from exposure or blood loss, or even thirst, but most often from asphyxiation, as the victim, with arms spread, eventually could no longer heave himself up to breathe. (It might take hours or days to die.) The striking display of this punishment served as a warning.

Answer: the Vikings

The Blood Eagle is a ritual execution that involves turning internal organs out to look like wings on the vicitim's back. In the Orkneyinga Saga (of 1300s Iceland) of the Earls of Orkney, Earl Torf-Einar is famously described as carving the Blood Eagle into his nemesis Halfdán Long-legs by cutting down the victim's back to his loins, and then pulling out the lungs (and adding salt to the wound).

The Vikings and other ancient Scandinavians have been associated with this punishment, although 21st-century historians question whether it was literary invention or actual practice.

Answer: England before 1814

Perhaps one of the most brutal forms of execution ever devised by man, this triple torture-death was the statutory punishment for treason in medieval and early modern England. This is not to say other cultures than England never used this, but it became strongly associated with England for encoding it into law in 1351.

The convict was drawn (or rather, dragged) to the place of execution by horse and hanged, and then lowered before death, only to be castrated, eviscerated, and finally cut into four pieces (quartered). Sometimes he was beheaded, too, for good measure, and the pieces displayed as a warning. Among those executed this way were members of the Babington plot against Elizabeth I and conspirators in the Gunpowder plot against James I.

The law applied to men; women were drawn and then burned. The Treason Act of 1790 changed it to hanging for women. As for men, the Treason Act of 1814 changed things somewhat and had the prisoner drawn, hanged until dead, and then quartered. The Forfeiture Act of 1870 eliminated the drawing and quartering altogether.