Face Fungus and Laughing Gear Trivia Quiz

Answer: A Thai red curry

"Laughing gear" is a descriptive term for the mouth. Makes sense if you stop to think about it. My brother's red curries are actually legendary and he grows most of the ingredients in his suburban Brisbane garden.
If you are ever invited to "wrap your laughing gear around one" - do not hesitate.

Answer: All of these

"Ear bashing" is a purely descriptive term and often accurate in my friend's case. The "flapping of gums" is another piece of Aussie whimsy - a purely descriptive if slightly derogatory term for what my friend would surely feel is the art of conversation. As for a "chinwag", what else does your chin do while you are talking?

Answer: My head

If anything was to "knock my block off" it would be when we were sailing together on Moreton Bay and the boom came crashing across my skull! He could just as easily have used the terms "noggin" or "scone" to describe my head because Australians are not afraid of excess when it comes to creating or appropriating slang terms

Answer: He drives way too fast

A "lead foot" describes a driver who speeds. Presumably his foot is so heavy he can't help but rest it hard on the accelerator. The fact that we live at the end of a small street with no thoroughfare concerns this crazy kid not one little bit.

Answer: Pulled the hamstring muscle in the back of his leg

The use of the word "hammie" is a typical example of the Australian obsession with shortening words and then adding a "y" or "ie". A hamstring muscle must of course be "a hammie". A biscuit is a "bicky" and on your birthday you get "pressies"! Craig was supposed to play Rugby that Saturday - instead he and his pulled "hammie" ate me out of house and home.

Answer: Policeman

The term as applied to our "boys in blue" does in fact owe its origin to the cattle dog who will not let you or anything else it is herding get away. The use of the word "heel" applies to the way the dog works a herd - by nipping at the heels of the cattle.

Answer: Speeding in my tiny car

OK. Everyone can believe I competed in a talkfest and I did have braces on my teeth but that is neither remarkable nor subject to incredulity. Apple bobbing is extremely rare in Australia, so my friends, I was indeed speeding. Mind you the top speed in my Mini car was actually quite pathetic but I was so close to the ground it felt really fast. According to some sources the term "fang" relates to Argentinian racing car driver Juan Fangio and not actually a tooth as I first thought. "Fanging" - in the truer dental sense can also mean hungry.

Answer: A 750 ml bottle of beer

A "long neck" is the term applied to larger bottles of beer - and yes they do have a long neck. Most Aussie beer is now bought in much smaller 375 ml bottles affectionately known as "stubbies". The "Darwin stubby" however is not small and is in fact the largest commercially produced bottle of beer in the world at a whopping 2.25 litres. Oh and for the record an Aussie can often be heard referring to beer as "amber fluid".

Answer: Yes

Sorry about that. First up - feeling "toey" means feeling restless and needing to leave or make a change. As for "Warwick Farms" - aah the amazing use of rhyming slang willed to us by our British forbears. "Warwick Farms" are therefore arms. Obviously I want to finish my quiz quickly and give my arms a rest.

The fact that Warwick Farm is a race course in Sydney is neither here nor there. Some sources quote "Warwick Farms" as rhyming slang for underarms but you don't really need to rest your underarms much - do you?

Answer: A beard

A beard was practically a trademark of our early Australian settlers. Another slang phrase "bum fluff" is a similarly derogatory term for the first facial hair of a young man. Just remember - nothing is ever as it seems when listening to an Australian talk.

A course has even been established at a Sydney college to teach newcomers to our country the real meaning of what they are hearing! Think I'll take a squiz at what they're on about. Hooroo.