Robert Rankin- Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls Quiz

Answer: The centre of the Earth

As he likes to explain, "I've been many years below". However, upon returning, it becomes evident that much about the world has changed and Soap has a great deal of trouble securing the fame and glory which his adventures surely merit. This would be due largely to the problem that no-one seems to believe him.

Answer: The Queen

Soap is upset to find out that, while he expected that things might have changed while he was away, it was unfair for things to have changed from BEFORE he went away! The Queen's assassination is disturbing as is Lennon's non-assassination. Another thing is Richard Branson's face being on poundnotes. Luckily for Soap he seems unaware that Charles Manson "wrote a lot of the Beach Boys' hits and then went on to become a star in Hollywood"!

Answer: Gandhi's Hairdryer

As it turns out, the Gandhis are having a hard time getting anyone to manage them and an even harder time getting a record deal despite the fact that they are going to be the biggest rock band of all time.

Answer: She has a moustache

Jim notices several things about her while speaking to her including her extreme beauty and the fact that while others have to shout to be heard above the din she only needs to talk normally and he can still hear everything she says. He also notes that her "perfect hair, of a colour somewhere between this and that, moved all around and about". It is, however, only after she has left and he is talking with Geraldo and John Omally that it is mentioned that she is wearing a blue moustache. Geraldo confirms that it is "Always a blue moustache on Tuesdays".

Answer: A horse

He gathers together a wealth of DNA from the manure of several good looking horses and proceeds to produce a clone. Since, half-way through the process, he is arrested and imprisoned for the sale of illegal videos of secretly filmed Chilean Police interrogations, the experiment, left to its own devices, actually produces dozens of tiny horses no bigger than mice which have all disappeared by the time Norman manages to get back to his kitchen.

Answer: The Doors, Jimi Hendrix Experience & Janis Joplin

As was becoming clear, somebody had been travelling back in time to save legendary rock stars from their historic demises. That line-up would have made for quite a show!

Answer: Wingarde

Wingarde is a descendant of Jim Pooley and, having inherited a name marked with shame, Wingarde travels back through time, under no small amount of pressure from the voice in his head which claims to be God, and murders him even though he realises that this will mean his own demise, even though, somehow, it doesn't.

Answer: a watch

It is "a big electronic jobbie with the words PERSONAL LIFESPAN CHRONOMETER printed upon it".

Answer: Porkie

Porkie is the computer from the future which has been controlling everything. To be precise Porkie is the nickname of the computer which is correctly known as SWINE (Single World Interfaced Network Engine).

Answer: A unicorn

Jim always had a dream, as a gambling man, to one day 'pull off the Pooley' which was his name for an accumulative bet that would make him rich. When he found out that 'The Pooley' was going to cause so much bother he decided never to make the bet, thus making it impossible for 'The Pooley' to ever happen. Unfortunately, 'The Pooley', as people from the futute would know it, had nothing to do with this and was instead the name of the unicorn which Norman cloned as a gift to Jim and, after Jim's death had named after him.
'The Pooley' won four consecutive Derbies and ended the story by spearing Wingarde in a delicate area of his anatomy with its horn.


If you're a Robert Rankin fan then you may have enjoyed this quiz. If you're not then you probably think I'm a bit odd. Either way, thanks for playing.