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1. It has today been reported that there has been mass bloodshed in the royal family. It appears that not only has Princess Regan poisoned her sister, Princess Goneril, she has also committed suicide. Further, there are unconfirmed reports that King's estranged youngest daughter, Princess Cordelia, has been hanged by a ship's captain. The king himself, who has been reported to be in bad mental health for some time now, has died of grief.
2. In breaking news this evening, we have received unconfirmed reports that two dead teenagers have been found in the vault of one of the most prominent families in Verona. While names are restricted at this time, we have been informed that one is male and one is female, and according to locals near the scene, they had planned to marry against their families' wishes. Although medical details have not yet been released, it is rumoured that the girl committed suicide by stabbing herself, and it appears as though the boy drank a poisonous liquid.
3. Police today attended the scene of Dunsinane Castle in Scotland. Mass bloodshed has taken place at the castle, and the King of Scotland himself has been killed. Although the King has always been rumoured to be protected by a charm preventing him from being killed by any man born of a woman, reports say that Macduff, a man born by Caesarian section, was able to kill the King during battle. Scottish residents are said to be delighted that power has been seized by Malcolm.
4. In entertainment news this evening, it appears that Queen Titania, the queen of the fairies, has fallen for an amateur actor during his rehearsals in the forest surrounding Athens. No-one is more bemused than the actor himself, because as well as being the object of Titania's obsession, he woke up that morning to find himself with an ass's head instead of his own. It is rumoured that other love-triangles are afoot in the forest, as the well-known socialites Hermia, Lysander, Demetrius and Helena have also been seen arguing in the vicinity. Perhaps there is a Puckish influence in the forest lately?
5. We have managed to obtain exclusive footage of Rosalind coming out of the Forest of Arden this evening. Rosalind, who was banished with her father by the presumptuous duke, was feared dead after her disappearance some weeks ago. However, it has emerged that she has been living in the Forest of Arden with her cousin Celia, disguised as a man.
6. And back to entertainment news, we are pleased to bring you footage of Petrucchio and Katharina's wedding in Padua this evening. Some viewers will recognise Petrucchio as the mysterious stranger who dropped into town a week ago and managed to sweep the tempestuous Katharina off her feet. Local residents have expressed no little surprise at this turn of events, as it was feared that Baptista, Katharina's long-suffering father, would never manage to marry her off due to her famed rages and short temper. We offer our congratulations to the happy couple and our very best wishes to Petrucchio in handling his new bride.
7. In gossip this evening, we are astounded to learn that Desdemona, daughter of Brabantio, has eloped with a sailor some twice her age. We have been reliably informed that, had it not been for the worthy efforts of Iago and Roderigo, Desdemona and her new husband would have set sail for Spain this evening. However, their plan was foiled and it appears that the Duke himself has had to be called in to settle the matter. As he has advised Brabantio to accept the marriage, it has been declared valid, but we believe that a marriage which starts in such an underhand way can only be doomed to disaster, particularly with the many green-eyed monsters surrounding both Desdemona and her husband.
8. In world news, we go live to our reporter in Greece, where a mass slaughter took place this afternoon. We understand that two men who had previously been scorned by various citizens of the capital returned with the intention of razing the city to the ground. Although one appears to have repented at the last minute, we understand that Alcibides has killed every person who slighted himself and his friend throughout the years. Sadly it appears that the other man, previously a wealthy benefactor in the city, has now died.
9. Still on world news, let's move on to Denmark, from where we have received disturbing news of insanity showing in the royal family. The heir presumptive appears to be seeing ghosts (namely, that of his father) and is reported to have been seen in a graveyard conversing with a skull which he has apparently named Yorick. Even more disturbingly, it appears that the prince may have killed the court chamberlain. He has been behaving so erratically that his girlfriend has been seen muttering to herself down by the river in a deranged fashion.
10. To wrap up with an entertainment piece, we bring you some lighter news from Ephesus. It has been reported in the local press that two sets of twins were separated at birth with none of the twins being aware that he had a twin at all. One half of each set was sent to Syracuse and the other half remained in Ephesus. The Syracusian halves recently came to Ephesus, and there has been much confusion in the city with debt officers, abbesses, husbands, wives and girlfriends mistaking one set of twins for the other. This tale has a happy ending, however, as both sets of twins have now been reunited with each other and their loved ones.
Source: Author
VerticalDancer
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agony before going online.
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