Casting Asparagus Trivia Quiz

Answer: Oscar Wilde

As is the case with many of the witty sayings used in this quiz, variants of wording can be found all over the internet (and sometimes the same words are attributed to multiple people - both Oscar Wilde and Groucho Marx are credited with saying, "I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll make an exception"). The wording I chose comes from a letter written by George Bernard Shaw, the target of the gibe, to the actress Ellen Terry on 25 September 1896. To place the sentence in context, Shaw wrote: "Oscar Wilde said of me: 'An excellent man: he has no enemies; and none of his friends like him.' And that's quite true: they don't like me; but they are my friends, and some of them love me. If you value a man's regard, strive with him. As to liking, you like your newspaper, and despise it. I had rather you remembered one thing I said for three days than liked me (only) for 300,000,000,000,000,000 years." It is possible that Shaw varied the wording so that he could work it for his point on the fact that liking is an insipid emotion. Other sources put stronger words in Wilde's mouth: "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

Oscar Wilde and George Bernard Shaw had a distinctly prickly relationship, both being known for their quick wit and intelligent humor. The same could be said of James McNeill Whistler, who was at one time a close friend of Wilde's. The two fell out over Whistler's allegations that Wilde was stealing his bon mots and taking credit for them. Herbert Vivian, a mutual friend, recorded a dinner conversation in which Whistler said something clever, and Wilde remarked that he wished he had said it, to which Whistler replied, "You will, Oscar, you will." Publication of that story in 1889 effectively ended the friendship between the three men.

Answer: HL Mencken

Henry Louis Mencken was an American journalist who wrote in the first half of the 20th century. Nicknamed The Sage of Baltimore, he was known for his scathing criticism of pretence, especially in public figures of religion and politics. This particular statement (which could readily be applied to any number of politicians) was made about Franklin Delano Roosevelt, in an article published in 'The American Mercury' in March of 1936, as FDR was running for re-election to a second term in office as President of the United States.

But his cynicism was not aimed only at FDR; he showed little respect for presidential candidates in general. In the issue of 'The Evening Sun' (of Baltimore) published on 26 July 1920 he wrote, on an earlier campaign: "All the odds are on the man who is, intrinsically, the most devious and mediocre - the man who can most adeptly disperse the notion that his mind is a virtual vacuum.

The Presidency tends, year by year, to go to such men. As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."

Answer: Mark Twain

It's not easy to find a pithy quote from this icon of American humor that is not instantly recognisable as his, because they have been so widely repeated. This unkind statement about Lilian Aldrich, the wife of Thomas Bailey Aldrich, appeared in the 1940 book 'Mark Twain in Eruption: Hitherto Unpublished Pages About Men and Events' edited by Bernard de Voto. The book is full of such acid attacks on people he met, as well as other material from Twain's papers that had not been included in the official 'Autobiography' produced in 1924 by Albert Paine.

Thomas Bailey Aldrich (1836-1907) was the author of the 1970 book 'The Story of a Bad Boy' (whose hero, Tom Bailey, is often described as the first realistic presentation of a boy in American literature). He was a friend of James Russell Lowell, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, and Mark Twain (who wrote about another boy named Tom, a few years later). While Twain was full of admiration for Bailey, he seems to have despised his wife, and in 1893 wrote to a friend, "Lord, I loathe that woman so! She is an idiot-an absolute idiot-and does not know it ... and her husband, the sincerest man that walks ... tied for life to this vacant hellion, this clothes-rack, this twaddling, blethering, driveling blatherskite!" (Quotation as excerpted in the Wikipedia article on Thomas Bailey Aldrich, from Skandera-Trombley, Laura E. 'Mark Twain in the Company of Women'. University of Pennsylvania Press, 1997.)

Answer: Winston Churchill

Churchill is quoted as having made this evaluation of Stafford Cripps, a British Labour politician, in Barton Biggs's book 'Wealth, War and Wisdom'. While not as humorous as his reported (and probably fictitious) interchange over dinner with a woman who accused him of being drunk, to which he replied that he would be sober in the morning, but she would still be ugly, this bit of asparagus shows Churchill's ability to use the English language brilliantly. One of my favorite Churchill quotes is, "History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." No false modesty here!

During World War II, Stafford Cripps was seen as a rival of Churchill's, particularly following a successful stint as Ambassador to the Soviet Union, which saw him bring that nation into World War II on the side of the Allies. His popularity was defused after the war by having him placed in charge of the mission to India intended to keep India onside for the duration of the war, in return for a promised road to independence afterwards. The mission was a failure - Cripps's proposals were too radical for Churchill's government, and too conservative for the Indian diplomats. Stafford Cripps suffered ill health (especially chronic colitis) for many years, and his abstemious vegetarian lifestyle would not have sat well with Churchill's preference to indulge freely in food, alcohol and tobacco.

Answer: George Bernard Shaw

Equally memorable was Winston Churchill's response: "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." That is, if it ever happened. There is no written record of the exchange, only anecdotal reminiscences, and some versions use Noel Coward instead of Shaw, and/or Randolph Churchill, Winston's son. However, it seems that when Shaw was hospitalised in 1950, his doctor had a conversation (following the receipt of a gift of peaches from Churchill) in which the playwright recollected this correspondence as having occurred before the premiere of 'Pygmalion', which would have made it in 1913. This is the best source for the interchange, and the wording has varied with repetition over the years - the first citation was made in the 1940s, well after the event.

George Bernard Shaw was a constant critic of the social and political order, writing in 'Maxims for Revolutionists' (1903), "Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few." But he also believed that we didn't need to accept things the way they are, and should keep striving for improvement of the world around us. "I hear you say 'Why?' Always 'Why?' You see things; and you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?'" (from 'Back to Methuselah', first staged in 1922). This last quote has been paraphrased and misattributed to Robert Kennedy (although his brother John Kennedy made it clear that he was quoting Shaw when he used it), most memorably by his brother Edward as part of his eulogy in 1968.

Answer: William Faulkner

To which Ernest Hemingway responded: "Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" It is easy to see how these two authors could come to loggerheads over their ideas of good writing. Faulkner is known for his use of rhythm in his work, which was often presented as a stream of consciousness, with ideas flowing where they would.

His work is both emotional and cerebral, and often complex to the point of being convoluted. Hemingway, on the other hand, is known for a style that is almost journalistic, using short sentences to provide punch.

He described his approach as the iceberg theory - you only see a tenth of what is there. Both men were awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature - Hemingway in 1954, and Faulkner in 1959.

Answer: Walter Kerr

Similar sentiments have been expressed many times, but the renowned theatre critic Walter Kerr wrote it about Jay Robinson in a 1951 review for the 'New York Herald Tribune' of the play 'Buy Me Blue Ribbons', a show Jay Robinson produced as a starring vehicle for himself. Here is a longer extract of the scathing review:

"Jay Robinson, producer and virtually star of 'Buy Me Blue Ribbons', is a young man of twenty-one who was last season dispossessed of a leading role in a play which he had himself financed. Mr. Robinson is apparently not bitter about this. He has had Sumner Locke Elliott write a play for him, a comedy about a young man who is similarly thrown out of his own production, and he is offering it, for his mortification and for ours, at the Empire Theatre.
Mr. Robinson is not up to the course he has set for himself. In the play, the character concludes by giving up his dreams of overnight stardom and deciding to learn his trade from the bottom up. All Mr. Robinson can honestly do now is to take his own advice. At the moment, he is suffering from delusions of adequacy."

The play only ran for 13 performances. Jay Robinson abandoned the stage and moved to California, where he forged a career playing character roles. His greatest success came as Caligula in 'The Robe' (1953). However, that was the height of his career as he did not handle the celebrity of his first film well.

Answer: Mary McCarthy

Mary McCarthy made this statement about Lillian Hellman on 'The Dick Cavett Show' in 1979. She was promptly sued for several million dollars, but the suit was dropped after Hellman's death in 1984. The feud between the two women had been going since the 1930s, when they differed over Hellman's support for Stalin's show trials (although she was never proven to be a member of the Communist party, she was blacklisted for a number of years), while McCarthy supported Trotsky.

The irony of the defamation suit is that McCarthy's lawyers, endeavouring to build a case, brought to light a number of factual inconsistencies in Hellman's memoirs, which led to some loss of her reputation as a writer.

She is now chiefly remembered for her earlier work, which includes the semi-autobiographical play 'Little Foxes', the film adaptation of which (starring Bette Davis) was nominated for an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay in 1942.

Answer: Bette Davis

This quotation was printed in the 'Los Angeles Times', when Bette Davis was asked if she had any comment to make on the death of the woman with whom she had a long-running and high-profile feud. Apparently it all started in 1933, when Joan's divorce from Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. grabbed more headlines than Bette's first feature film, 'Ex-Lady'.

The film flopped. In 1935 they both fell in love with Franchot Tone (who was filming 'Dangerous' with Bette), but he married Joan. They vied for many of the same roles over the years, appearing together only once, playing vitriolic sisters in 'What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?' (1962).

Their feud really hit the headlines during filming, as incident followed incident. The director was so happy with the onscreen tension between the pair that he wanted to use them again for 'Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte', but Joan dropped out early in the project, and was replaced by Olivia de Haviland.

Answer: Elizabeth Taylor

In 1981 'The Times' of London published an interview with Elizabeth Taylor conducted by John Higgins in which she made this statement. While it is not aimed at any particular individual, there are quite a few actors who might well have cringed, including her two-times husband Richard Burton (with whom she costarred in 'Cleopatra' and 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?', amongst others). Perhaps the dog and horse reference is because they were involved in two highly significant films.

She made her screen debut in 'Lassie Come Home' (1943), which featured Roddy McDowall as the young owner of Lassie, played by Pal. Mickey Rooney probably would not have appreciated taking a back seat to the horse who portrayed The Pie in 'National Velvet' (1944), the film that made her into a star.

Other costars who were neither dogs nor horses included Robert Taylor ('Ivanhoe'), Van Johnson ('The Last Time I Saw Paris'), Rock Hudson ('Giant'), Peter Finch ('Elephant Walk'), Paul Newman ('Cat on a Hot Tin Roof') and Marlon Brando ('Reflections in a Golden Eye'). Quite a lineup!