Sainted Sinners Trivia Quiz

Answer: St. Augustine

St. Augustine (354-430), later wrote that he was "in the mood to be seduced" when he left home as a teenager in order to study at Carthage. At eighteen, he found a regular mistress (whom history does not name) who became the mother of his son, Adeodatus.

Despite the boy's name, which means "gift from God," it would be another ten years before St. Augustine converted after hearing several sermons by St. Ambrose. In his 40s, the now holy man wrote what is considered the first western autobiography, "Confessions," in which he described his early life of sin, his conversion, and his philosophy. "My sin," he reflected, "was all the more incurable because I did not think myself a sinner".

Answer: He embezzled money from a bank that served Christian widows.

When St. Callixtus's embezzlement was discovered, he was sentenced to hard labor but temporarily freed to try to recover some of the money. This led to a brawl at a local synagogue (after all, it was rather rude to interrupt services and demand cash) and a trip to the mines of Sardinia. After some time there, he was freed by the order of Emperor Commodus's mistress, a Christian who took pity on her fellow Christians working on the mines, and he began a reformed life in Rome.

His election as pope infuriated the Church's hardliners on sin; one of these, St. Hippolytus, went so far as to split from the Church and become the first antipope. Nevertheless, St. Callixtus instituted rules allowing sinners to confess their sins and do penance, after which they could return to the Church and receive full Communion. This was not a new idea, but he took it further than many others: he felt that even (shudder) heretics could be reconciled with the Church!

He died a martyr in 222, thrown down a well (or so the legend goes) by a mob of violent anti-Christians. St. Hippolytus eventually took advantage of his enemy's reforms, returning to the Church after his schism.

Answer: The heresy of identifying the Slavic god Perun with the God of Abraham

Despite his grandmother St. Olga's Christian faith, St. Vladimir clearly enjoyed a life unconstrained by Christian standards of behavior. At one point after his violent succession to the throne of Kiev he had over eight hundred concubines -- including the unlucky widow of his murdered brother Yaropolk, who had a better claim to the principality. In 987 AD, however, he decided that monotheism was the path for him. Nestor the Chronicler, a monk born after St. Vladimir's death, wrote that the prince took a very worldly approach to choosing a faith. Islam was impossible because of its prohibition of alcohol ("Drinking is the joy of the Rus!" proclaimed the Prince), Judaism was unacceptable because the Jews had lost Jerusalem, and Christians, after all, built some very lovely churches.

St. Vladimir agreed to convert to Christianity as a condition of marrying Anna, a sister of the Byzantine emperor Basil II. To the surprise of virtually everyone around him, he took this conversion seriously: he disbanded his harem, built churches, and began to live more or less peacefully with his neighbors. (He did not, however, manage to live peacefully with his subjects: he destroyed numerous temples to the old gods, and insisted that his people be baptized or be counted among "the prince's enemies." Most took the unsubtle hint.)

Answer: An invisible force barred her from entering a church until she had repented.

It was not a spiritual pilgrimage that brought the 29-year-old St. Mary of Egypt to Jerusalem; instead, she viewed the crowds of pilgrims as an ample supply of partners in sin. But when she tried to follow the crowds into the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in order to celebrate a relic of the True Cross, she found herself unable to enter -- and she was struck by remorse. Praying to the Virgin Mary for guidance, she begged for forgiveness and for the chance to turn her life around by living as a hermit. After this, she was allowed into the church, where she venerated the True Cross, gave thanks to God, and set about fulfilling her promise. She entered the desert across the river Jordan with only three loaves of bread to her name, and survived some 47 years there as a hermit.

The only person she is known to have met during that time was St. Zosimas, a monk to whom she told her story (later set to paper by St. Sophronius). He repaid her by bringing her Holy Communion; she died the very night she received it.

Answer: Theft

All four Gospels mention the two men who were crucified beside Jesus on the day of his death; Matthew and Mark specify that their crime was theft or banditry. Luke 23:39-43 gives the only account of their conversation. The unrepentant thief (traditionally called Gestas) mocked Jesus, demanding that He save them if He was indeed the Messiah; St. Dismas scolded his companion, and then asked respectfully, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." Jesus assured him that "today you will be with me in Paradise."

St. Dismas is the patron saint of criminals, especially of thieves; his story is often used to support the idea that a rite of baptism is not necessary for salvation. Roman Catholics believe that he underwent a baptism of desire, "a perfect contrition of the heart ... which contains ... a desire of baptism." (Catholic Encyclopedia, 1907).

Answer: He feared that he would become a laughingstock if she went to God.

St. Pelagia did not particularly impress the Christians of the day. Before she gave up acting, wealth and freedom to convert to Christianity, St. John Chrysostom wrote of her: "Nothing was more vile than she was when she was on the stage." According to the somewhat excitable James the Deacon, however, there was one bishop -- Nonnus -- who saw in her a glimpse of something more. All Christians, he thought, should spend as much time preparing their souls for God as she did preparing her face for the world! After praying for her redemption, he finally reached her one day when she stopped by his church, heard his sermon and was overcome by grief and guilt.

After her devilish visit, St. Pelagia must have decided that it was too dangerous to remain in her old haunts. She freed her slaves (giving them a handsome back pay package), liquidated her fortune and gave it to the poor, and spent the rest of her life living in a grotto as a hermit -- where everyone simply assumed that she was a eunuch, since they could not imagine a woman taking on a life of such privation!

Answer: The Society of Jesus

During an agonizing convalescence after the battle in Pamplona, St. Ignatius asked his brother and sister-in-law (who were caring for him) for books to read, so that he could pass the time. They had only two books -- both religious works -- and his intensive reading of them, at such a vulnerable time, changed the course of his life. He dedicated himself to improving in his understanding and his faith, and his "Spiritual Exercises" -- a 30-day program written partly to guide himself -- is now used around the world.

The Society of Jesus (whose members are called Jesuits) is an order of priests and monks perhaps best known for their work in education; they are sometimes called the soldiers of the Pope, due to their founder's background as a knight. St. Ignatius (1491-1556) lived 35 years after his injury, and was the first Superior General of his order.

Answer: In a monastery at Scetes, in Egypt

St. Moses, who lived from about 330 until 405, was renowned as a thief and murderer from an early age. At one point he led a band of some seventy-five brigands who raided villages, robbed travelers and generally terrorized the countryside. The band split up on pursuit by the army, and St. Moses fled to a nearby monastery; the monks' simple and holy lifestyles touched him, and he resolved to turn his face to God.

Turning away from the devil, however, was not so easy. St. Moses became frustrated at how hard it was to banish thoughts of the temptations he had left behind. The abbot -- St. Isidore -- once famously called St. Moses to watch the dawn with him, and comforted him about his spiritual journey. "See how long it takes for the light to drive away the darkness of night?" he asked. "It is the same with the soul."

Firmly dedicated to principles of nonviolence, St. Moses was eventually martyred by bandits, along with seven other monks who refused to resist a raid on the monastery.

Answer: St. Matthew

St. Matthew was not merely a bureaucrat or a government functionary in an unpopular job. At this point in history, tax collectors were essentially independent contractors: they paid the Roman governors a fee for the right to collect taxes, and anything extra that they managed to extort or overcharge was pure profit. It's no surprise that they quickly got a bad reputation!

His choice of work means that he must have valued worldly riches, but St. Matthew nonetheless came immediately when Jesus called him -- he walked away from his booth in the middle of the day. The Pharisees complained that St. Matthew was unsuitable company for a holy man, leading Jesus to declare, "I came not to call the just, but sinners." The exchange is found in Matthew 9:9-13; the tax collector is called Levi in Mark 2:13-17 and Luke 5:27-31.

Answer: Terror: He executed, blinded or otherwise mutilated those who refused to convert.

St. Olaf "let none go unpunished who would not serve God," wrote contemporary chronicler Snorri Sturlason -- and his punishments were quite severe. No doubt a violent childhood (by 16 he was an experienced raider, participating in the murder of ordinary people in Canterbury, England) contributed to his, er, forceful view of religion. In 1030, he was killed in battle trying to defend his kingship -- and tales of healing miracles performed with his blood began to spread. Grimkell, a local bishop, seized the opportunity to declare that Norwegians now had a saint of their own; during this era, this was a decision that could be made locally rather than through the central Church. Modern popes and prelates would have found it harder to overlook St. Olaf's excesses!

St. Olaf's conversion of Norway took hold (unlike many other conversions imposed from above) -- perhaps because of its violence, perhaps because the king focused his attention on the inland regions where the old religion was strongest, and perhaps because of national pride in the man's sainthood.