The Fart Quiz

Answer: flatus

According to the Random House College Dictionary, a flatus is "an accumulation of gas in the stomach, intestines, or other body cavity." Literal interpretation of this definition would seem to indicate that a fart is a flatus only until it is released.

However, the term flatus is commonly used as a term for gas that has been expelled. Gastralgia is a scientific name for "stomach ache". I made the other two words up.

Answer: vibration created by gas passing through the anal sphincter

Under certain circumstances, like tight jeans or releasing a fart while seated naked on a vinyl chair, farts can make a sound by other means... but under most circumstances, a fart makes a noise due to vibration created by gas passing a tightly constricted sphincter.

In some instances, the sphincter is sufficiently relaxed to allow passage of gas without audible resonance, resulting in an SBD (silent, but deadly... a fart that makes no sound, but packs an olfactory wallop).

Answer: hydrogen sulfide

Sulfur-rich foods like cauliflower and eggs lead to the production of hydrogen sulfide, and thus smelly farts. Ammonia and other compounds also may contribute to the smell. Although these substances are the stinkiest, they are just a small part (usually less than 1%) of a fart's volume. Methane is a gas that is more commonly associated with a fart...

It is highly flammable, but virtually odorless.

Answer: Benjamin Franklin

Founding father, scientist, inventor, politician, diplomat, philosopher, musician Benjamin Franklin is one of the most colorful men in American history. This likable, gregarious, eccentric fellow was also an author. This short book is a collection of Franklin's satirical wit and may have possibly been written more for his own amusement than for any other reason. Readers will be treated to a peek inside this great man's complex mind, but no fart jokes or potty humor. (Author's Note: I am amused that this book is evidence that the word "fart" was used two centuries ago with the same connotation that it is today.

The word is not a recent addition to American English slang as many may believe.)

Answer: special nerve endings in the rectal area

Our ability to differentiate between the need to fart and the need to do something more substantial is something that we unconsciously learn during early childhood. We have nerve endings in the rectal area that provide different sensations depending upon the rectum's contents. Occasionally, we are unsure, or are completely tricked... resulting in an embarrassing G&L. (By the way, about everyone knows that "SBD" means "silent, but deadly", but the term "G&L" is less commonly used.

A G&L occurs when one feels an overwhelming need to release some gas... perhaps at the beginning of math class, staff meeting or church service.

The situation becomes painful and the urge becomes acute. Sure there'll be a smell, but some careful planning and good acting will deflect the blame.

The big question remains... "Is this really... just... gas?" Do you feel lucky? In order to alleviate the growing discomfort, you roll the dice... with only two possible outcomes... you release a pleasant fart... or... an unpleasant squirt. G&L stands for "gambled and lost".)

Answer: methane and hydrogen

The composition of farts varies greatly. The major factors are diet, overall metabolism, physical activity and probably genetics. Although methane is the gas most commonly associated with farts, not everyone even produces methane. Although there are theories, nobody really knows why. Perhaps we need to dedicate more taxpayer dollars to answer this question. Nevertheless, even though some people produce methane, ALL people produce hydrogen. (NOTE: A serious statement may be impossible at this point, but if you are taking this quiz, you have undoubtedly heard about "lighting your farts" (a.k.a."blue angels"). What you may not have heard is that there are MANY cases of serious injuries resulting from this practice, from serious external burns to explosion of INTERNAL gases. Don't ask me how I know this, just don't try it.)

Answer: None of these

Farting is a necessary function for survival. We could not survive without eliminating solid and liquid waste. The same holds true of gas. Everybody farts! Although the Queen Mum, Grandma and Rev. Graham may not speak (or have spoken) openly of the joy of farting... everybody does it.

Answer: True

The study of flatulence exists and that's its name. The normal range for passing wind is between 5 and 15 times per day, but more than this doesn't necessarily mean you have a problem. The presence of pain is more important than the number of times you release that excess air from your body.

Answer: termites

According to "Facts On Farts" by Breanna Lorenz, termites produce as much methane as humans, presumably due to their sheer numbers and high fiber diet, and are believed to be a major contributor towards global warming. By the way, snakes and other reptiles do fart - in fact, reptiles are known for their especially stinky farts.

Answer: large intestine

The large intestine (colon) contains many different kinds of bacteria which break down undigested material. The gas is a by-product of this bacterial action.