A few celebrities had gathered to give a charity Christmas concert in 2023, a couple of nights before Christmas. They were all backstage in the green room awaiting their individual curtain calls.
"I am so glad it's the end of the year" said Freddie, grabbing a glass of wine from the proffered tray and plonking himself down in front of his band mates, "
".
Karen and Richard Carpenter were both wearing Gruber and Mohr T-shirts. They stuck their heads out of the door leading to the stage, then shut the door,
"It's pretty quiet out there, I can't hear the audience" fretted Karen "In fact, it's a
".
"
?" asked Bob Geldof incredulously, or was it Midge Ure?
"
" cried a really old man stuck in the corner. No one knew who he was - his name tag said "John Francis Wade" but he looked like King John IV of Portugal. "We are here to celebrate the birth of Christ", then retreated into his dark corner hoping to be teleported back to the 18th century. Faith Hill got up, sat down beside him and consoled him with, "I feel the same way you do".
"Yes," said Andy Williams, trying to invoke the spirit of the season, "
".
"
" finished Bruce Springsteen (a few jaws dropped).
Suddenly Brenda Lee started jigging in front of a decorated tree in the centre of the room.
"What's she doing?" someone asked.
"
" said some Flashy guy, who knew his music.
Bing Crosby was swirling his whiskey wistfully, "I wonder if we will have a
?" he asked no one in particular.
"I know I will have a
" whined Elvis. "The doc said no more peanut butter, banana and bacon sandwiches".
"I know how you feel" said John with Yoko at his side. "We were hoping to sing '
' but we can't sing that this year so we will go with "
".
"You think you have problems", said one of four brothers slumped around a table watching the other one of them practising moonwalking, "
, and Christmas will never be the same".
Chris Rea was on the phone. Everybody could hear the voice at the other end of the phone - it was Darlene Love. "It's '
" she pleaded "After all, my song is the original", she added cryptically.
"I'll be "
" agreed Chris, nodding into the phone.
But then Mariah Carey complicated things by going over to Chris saying loudly, so everyone could hear "
".
Otis Redding, sensing danger, sprang up and steered Mariah away from Chris mollifying her by whispering "
, but if you try that line, you might just be singing..."
"...
" finished City Slicker Spike Jones who had a chipmunk called Alvin on his shoulder.
Michael Buble and the Puppini Sisters, also eager to dissolve an awkward situation, started singing that old Christmas standard, the rather 'a-pealing' "
".
"Whoa" yelled Bobby Helms, "This isn't a kid's concert, we need a bit of rock 'n' roll - Try my song "
".
Just then the green light went on above the stage door. The four guys from Slade got up, grabbing guitars as they were the first act. They waved to all the other performers. "
" said Noddy Holder brightly, as they filed out to the stage.
It was quiet then, just for a moment, as they all realized the big event had started. However, Rod Stewart, not one to miss an opportunity, walked purposely up to Mariah Carey and whispered "
?".
