The Wit and Wisdom of Penguins Quiz

Answer: "...and the other on a banana-skin."

Alright, I admit it, I'd never heard of the full expression either until I read the book. It is, however, highly evocative, and something I can certainly imagine hearing on "Home & Away" or "Neighbours". Probably with a 'Struth' thrown in for good measure, or maybe even a 'fair dinkum'.

*Penguin publishing began in the UK in 1935 as a series of ten books released at the outrageous price of just sixpence, the equivalent at the time of the price of 10 cigarettes. People said (as people are ever wont) that young Allen Lane was mad to expect to make a profit, but his idea of providing "intelligent books for intelligent people" at affordable prices proved to be a good one, with over a million Penguins selling within six months.

Answer: Nose-rings

The title refers to a stamp and the way it's classified in a childhood album - it's from Antigua, worth a penny, and coloured puce. Though the book certainly has its humorous moments, the feud between brother and sister around which the plot centres is carried out in such a vicious, spiteful way that the book is far from what I would call 'light' in tone. The ownership of this tiny piece of paper - which through involved circumstances becomes highly valuable - becomes the focus of the siblings' intense and bitter rivalry.

In the flash-forward to 1949, nose-rings are "universal and look quite nice, once you get accustomed to the notion. [One is] a beauty, of star-sapphires." I can't help but wonder how Mr Graves would have felt had he lived to see body-piercing in its full glory...

* 1940 saw the introduction of the Puffin imprint for children, initially a series of non-fiction books, which branched out into fiction the next year. 1946 saw the introduction of Penguin Classics, making such works as "The Odyssey" available to many people for the first time outside libraries.

Answer: "Ari-bloody-gato"

Hundreds of Australians were held prisoner by the Japanese in Changi under appalling conditions, and, unsurprisingly, many died. But those who managed to survive did so in part through maintaining their 'larrikin' sense of humour, and stories based around their experiences continue to form what almost amounts to a separate genre in Australian popular culture.

"The Merry-Go-Round in the Sea" was 'one of those books I had to read in high school,' and I thought precious little of it then. Fast forward 20 years, and Stow (b1935) is held out to me by my mother- and sister-in-law as one of their favourite authors. Having another crack at the book, I was as unsurprised it failed to reach me at school as I was moved by it as an adult. At 14 I simply didn't know enough about my own country and its history to be able to appreciate what a valuable part of it this story is.

* Penguin's presence in Australia began in 1946, with a distribution centre in Melbourne. In 1963 the first Australian Penguins were published, including Randolph Stow's "To the Islands" (first published 1958.)

Answer: "The Duke of Cambridge."

Anthony Trollope (1815-1882) had a successful career in the Post Office before he published his first novel at the age of 32. He wrote over 40 novels, as well as short stories, and was one of those writers lucky enough to find popularity while he was still alive to enjoy it. As well as the "Barchester Chronicles", Trollope is known for his series of six "Palliser" novels, which do for the murky world of politics what "Barchester" does for religion. His work is still highly readable, and, though it may be argued that his plots tend towards the melodramatic, his elegance of language and lightly humorous touch make Trollope's work 'literature' rather than 'pulp fiction'.

* In 1970, the year of founder Allen Lane's death, Penguin became a wholly owned subsidiary of Pearson Longman (later Pearson P/L). In the 1970s distribution was started in Johannesburg, South Africa.

Answer: Randolph Churchill

Randolph Frederick Edward Spencer Churchill MBE (1911-1968) was, of course, the son of several-time British Prime Minister Sir Winston. Stories of his exploits - including his two marriages and notorious 20 year affair with the wife of a friend - sprinkle the pages of the diaries. Though Waugh usually found his presence energising, in Croatia Churchill behaved like a bored child suffering through a long sea journey. Settling him down with the Bible seemed a good way to keep him amused, especially as - somewhat surprisingly - he was largely unacquainted with its contents. The plan worked, to an extent, and Waugh lost his bet, considering it money well spent. However, Churchill had not kept entirely quiet whilst reading the Old Testament:

(Saturday 11 November 1944) He sits bouncing about on his chair, chortling and saying, "I say, did you know this came in the Bible 'bring down my grey hairs with sorrow to the grave'?"

* 1973 saw Penguin distribution established in Rosedale, New Zealand, with home-grown publishing beginning in 1980.

Answer: Catastrophonicall

'Catastrophonicall' comes from another contemporary playwright, John Marston (1576-1634), and we're left to devolve its meaning from context only: "my catastrophonicall fine boy." I'm picturing Dennis the Menace here, that kind of lovable scamp...but personally I'm glad the word didn't take on; it's really hard to type!

Nashe gave us 'bodgery' for 'botched work'; 'tongueman' for 'good speaker'; and 'chatmate' for 'person to gossip with'. Crystal suggests the last as "a word ripe for Internet rediscovery" and I have to agree; sometimes it doesn't feel quite right to call online buddies 'friends', but 'chatmate' is really quite sweet. Another of Nashe's coinings is 'collachrymate' meaning 'accompany with weeping'; Crystal doesn't lament the loss of it (pun sort-of intended), but in this we must differ. I'm seeing back-up criers supporting the disappointed mother's lament - "oh, why can't you just be like other people's children" - a sort of collachrymal chorus, if you will.

* Penguin's Canadian distribution operation began in 1974, with indigenous Canadian works first published in 1982.

Answer: "God, I'm bored."

After leaving India for Arabia, and converting to Islam, St John had married a Saudi woman, and taken the name Abdullah Al Hajji. So I suppose his last reference to 'God' and not 'Allah' goes to show that, in the end, it's the things we know as children we go back to. In "Philby - The Spy Who Betrayed a Nation" (written by English journalists Bruce Page, Phillip Knightley and David Leitch), a photo of St John, poking his finger into the chest of an un-named man in a turban, is tellingly captioned "...a characteristic pose. His natural form of address, to Englishmen and Arabs alike, was the lecture." His overbearing attitude is often blamed for the childhood development of Kim's notorious stammer.

The incorrect answers are all attributed last words: "Go away...I'm all right" to novelist HG Wells (1866-1946); "Oh God, here I go..." to American boxer Max Baer (1909-1959); and "I don't feel good" to American botanist Luther Burbank (1849-1926).

* Penguin Books India began publication in 1987, and produces works in Hindi, Marathi, Urdu and Malayalam, as well as in English.

Answer: "...you've outdid yourself."

Peter De Vries (1910-1993) was brought up in Chicago under the auspices of Dutch immigrant parents, and Dutch Reformed Calvanist schools. Much of his writing career can be seen as a reaction to this upbringing, his satirical eye turning mercilessly on religion, middle-America, and the endless war of the sexes. His male characters have a tendency to eccentric behaviour leading to breakdown and/or institutionalisation, but the sense with all of them is that what they most want to be is good; good husbands, good fathers, good friends, good sons, good men.

De Vries - as the example from Spofford shows - was a master of the pithy one-liner, both in his life and work. "I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork," "Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked," "It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist to save us" ("The Mackerel Plaza" - 1958), "I wanted to be bored to death, as good a way to go as any" ("Comfort Me With Apples" - 1956).

* Penguin Group (USA) was established in 1996.

Answer: "It is not my fault."

Though the book is undoubtedly less scandalous today, it still hits hard. The only way to describe the Vicomte's older lover, the Marquise de Merteuil, is as an evil genius. The way she manipulates those around her is repulsive, yet so well done it is impossible not to become engrossed. It is also impossible to separate the author from the work; hard to imagine he didn't have some experience of the things he wrote about in order to write about them so convincingly.

This is the only novel ever published by Pierre-Ambrose-Francois Choderlos de Laclos (1741-1803). Ironically, however, when he died he was said to be contemplating writing about how true happiness can only be attained through family life.

* In 1960, Penguin UK was charged under the Obscene Publications Act for publishing the infamous "Lady Chatterley's Lover" by DH Lawrence. In the 1980s Penguin published the controversial "Satanic Verses" by Salman Rushdie, and in 2000 successfully defended a libel suit over Professor Deborah Lipstadt's "Denying the Holocaust". In 2002 Penguin UK published Michael Moore's "Stupid White Men" after attempted bans on it in the US.

Answer: For that Shlemiel Butcher Hymie who thinks he can Pass that Chaloshes Steak off as Kosher

This book is part dictionary, part Jewish joke book, as entertaining as it is informative (no, I didn't copy that from the back cover, I wrote it myself - a possible career path? Oy vay!) Right, some definitions: a 'shlemiel' is a stupid, unlucky, clumsy or weak person; 'chaloshes' is an expression of disgust or descriptive of something revolting; 'oy vay' means literally 'oh pain'. But 'oy', as Rosten explains, "is not a word; it is a vocabulary." He goes on to mention such variations as 'oy-oy' or even 'oy-oy-oy', and lists 29 different ways in which 'oy' can be used.

Obviously I can't now finish this without one of Rosten's jokes...a 'plosher' is a braggart, an unreliable and indiscreet gossip, illustrated thus:

"The nouveaux riches Nathansons had gone to Europe and visited Israel and were now home, boasting about their trip to their friends.
'And in Rome we had an audience with the Pope!' said Mr Nathanson.
'With the _Pope_?' echoed an astonished friend. 'So how did you like him?'
'_He_ was marvellous. Her, I didn't care for.'

What a plosher!"