Waiter, There's a Fly in My Soup Quiz

Answer: louse

"LOU SEt the table ..." Lice (the plural of louse) are wingless parasites living off various species of birds and mammals. Young children often pick up head lice at school; parents experienced in such outbreaks know all about the various anti-louse combs and shampoos.

Answer: wasp

"... I saW ASPic on the menu..." Aspic is a meat gelatin, into which all sorts of goodies -- like fruits or vegetables -- can be placed. Alternatively, it is sometimes used as a glistening (and shelf-life-extending) glaze. Wasps, meanwhile, are carnivores that often immobilize their insect victims with a sting. They are unlikely to be found dining in a vegetarian establishment.

Answer: hornet

"... peacH OR NETtle." The stinging nettle, which grows all over the northern hemisphere, is far more appetizing than its name might suggest, and nettle cordials are sold commercially in the U.K. (Peach liqueurs are more common, of course, and I've never heard of a combination.) Hornets are stinging, social insects not known to have a taste for alcohol.

Answer: beetle

"... It needs more BEET, LESs sour cream ..." Borscht is a beet soup from Eastern Europe, often served with sour cream for a deep pink color and rich flavor. It isn't meant to be made with beetles, which are insects with hard front wings that they fold over their back wings when on the ground. Famous beetles include the scarab (sacred to the ancient Egyptians) and the immense Goliath beetle (weighing in at 100 grams or 3.5 ounces as a larva), but not Ringo -- he's a Beatle.

Answer: mosquito

"... Even if the therMOS QUIT On you ..." A thermos is supposed to keep a liquid at its original temperature for quite a while, but food should probably be served promptly if the thermos is broken. Mosquitoes are a worse nuisance, though: the female of the species is quite literally a bloodsucker, and has been known to spread diseases like malaria and the West Nile virus.

Answer: honeybee

"... has this HONEY BEEn out? ..." Honey is a syrupy sweetener, made by (appropriately enough) the honeybee. Bees feed on the nectar from flowers; back at the hive, they make it into honey. Once harvested, honey is delicious and long-lasting, but is usually served without the honeybee.

Answer: earwig

"... Why do I hEAR WIGgling noises ...?" Curiously, the words "earwig" and "wiggle" are related: the Old English word "wicga," or "insect," refers to movement. Despite their long, narrow bodies and suggestive name, earwigs do not actually attack people through the ears, although they do go after some food crops (notably ears of corn).

Answer: weevil

"... from a WEE VILlage farm ..." Many upscale restaurants advertise special relationships with local farms, which provide them with fresh, seasonal fare of a higher caliber than what you might find in grocery stores. Weevils -- a type of beetle whose voracious larvae have been blamed for numerous agricultural catastrophes -- are not usually part of the deal.

Answer: locust

"... a jelLO CUSTard?" Crème brûlée is a creamy custard that is seared with a blowtorch before serving, for a crispy crust. Jello is a gelatin pudding, often fruit-flavored, that would not work at all well as part of a custard. The dessert is even less appetizing with locusts, grasshopper-like insects famed for descending in large numbers on crops, and leaving a wasteland.

Not for nothing were these ravenous creatures worthy of being a Biblical plague!

Answer: termite

"...See this TERM ITEmizing our drinks?..." Termites, very social insects, are particularly famous as pests whose predilection for wood can seriously damage human buildings. Roasted or fried termites are a popular treat in many parts of sub-Saharan Africa, but do not typically turn up unannounced on the bill.