A (Realistic) Tour of London Trivia Quiz

Answer: A cockney chimney sweep

I've lived in or near London virtually all my life, and I've yet to meet a chirpy, cheery, cockney chimneysweep at all, let alone one who dances about the rooftops singing songs about Mary Poppins. I live in hope.

Answer: No hat

An East German friend of mine once told me that, on visiting London, he'd been surprised that the City wasn't full of men in bowler hats and pinstripe suits. I haven't spoken to him since.

Answer: False

The "Beefeaters" are in fact a small group of men who have sold their souls to the great God of tourism, and are confined to London's biggest tourist attraction, the Tower of London. British police do however, commonly wear hats which look like elongated black molehills, and help them see over walls.

Answer: True

Astonishingly, this one's true - the British judiciary does feel the need to dress up as Isaac Newton. Apparently, this is to give themselves "greater authority" (I kid you not).

Answer: Parliament

Contrary to the views of some people I've actually met in my life, the Queen does not pass laws in Britain - she's just an old woman we trot out from time to time to jazz up state occasions.
There are however, some ridiculous historic anomalies which do survive in British politics - the unelected House of Lords, the "Royal Prerogative" which the Prime Minister exercises in the name of the Queen, and Tony Blair's haircut.

Answer: False

There is no smog in London. London murderers are not able to move around undetected, perpretrating their evil deeds under the protection of a thick cloud of fumes. Pollution in London is rife, but fortunately the toxic particles are these days all at a microscopic level which we can't see. So that's all right.

Answer: At school

Answer: True

This is actually true. I rather like it.

Answer: Some apples and some pears

Most people in London actually speak English, and are able to complete long conversations without lapsing into incomprehensible doggerel. There is still some use of cockney rhyming slang in London, but even where that's the case, people are unlikely to walk into a shop and ask to buy some stairs (which is what "Apples and Pears" means in the slang).

Answer: False

This isn't true. It doesn't actually rain that often, although the Thunder gods do seem to come out to enjoy a few days of Wimbledon every year. If you want perpetual rain, go to Manchester.