When Somebody Kneads You Trivia Quiz

Answer: Active Release Technique

Active release technique is a form of massage with the purpose of releasing soft tissue adhesions. Adhesions are painful fibrous threads that commonly form after surgery. They are sometimes described as internal scar tissues that join tissues that are normally not connected at all. ART is supposedly an effective method of fixing this problem, but to be honest, it's probably just as painful as the adhesions, because it basically aims to tear those joined tissues apart with pressure. Surgery is also an option. Could you direct me to the operating theatre please?

Answer: Clearing blockages in your meridians

Somewhat similar in style to acupuncture, acupressure is the practice of clearing blockages in your meridians (No, Johnny, Mummy isn't going to blow up the equator) by applying pressure to the same points in the body as acupuncture practitioners. This is done with the hand, or the elbow (ouch) or with manufactured devices. Meridians are various channels on the human body through which life energy is supposed to flow.

There are twelve major ones on the body, but these cannot be seen with the naked eye.

They include the lungs, large intestine, small intestine, spleen, gallbladder, stomach, heart, kidneys, pericardium, triple warmer (body as a whole), liver and bladder. No way, no how is anybody manipulating my bladder with an elbow. I'd wet myself.

Answer: Poliomyelitis

For every ten people who contacted the raging fever and incredible nausea in the first stages of poliomyelitis, nine recovered. One, however, progressed on to permanent paralysis, with lifelong and life changing disabilities. There were literally thousands of these people, many of whom were children, hit by this third stage of polio in Australia alone during the large epidemics that swept the world in the 20th century. Initial and erroneous treatment by doctors was complete immobilisation of the limbs in plaster. All that did, however, was result in the atrophy of the muscles and a wasting away of same. Only then, and now too late to recover, were patients sent to physiotherapists to begin their work. This therapy involved incredibly painful stretching for hours every day in an attempt to make those tightened up muscles loose and pliable again. One treatment in particular, in order to try to straighten up spines that were becoming twisted from lack of movement, was to hang sobbing children, with braces around their necks, from wall racks several feet off the ground, for assorted periods of time. These children then spent the remainder of their days and nights tied down into splints, undoing whatever loosening effect the torture of their daily physiotherapy had done.

Then along came Sister Kenny, an Australian bush nurse, with her methods of heat and massage to the paralysed limbs as soon as the polio struck and the fever and sensitivity to touch had abated. This was in complete opposition to the medical treatment of the time and her methods were met with almost violent resistance from the Australian Medical Association. They genuinely believed her treatment was harmful in spite of all evidence to the contrary, so she left Australia to set up clinics in a more receptive America instead. There, with her massage combined with heat treatments, many early polio victims recovered full or partial use of their limbs, depending on what stage of the paralysis they were at, when they were brought to her. It was a logical step then for the medical profession, which eventually began to emulate this form of treatment, to move the massage and manipulation of patients into heated pools and Hubbard baths. This kept their limbs supple, flexible, warm (really important), and encouraged greater attempts at movement. Today, with poliomyelitis epidemics a thing of the past (hopefully) aquatic or hydro massage, as this was known, is used to treat other conditions such as spinal cord and neurological injuries, generalised pain usually involving the spine, sporting injuries, and muscular pain brought on by stress.

Answer: Feet

In the massage method of ashiatsu, the therapist uses his or her feet to manipulate the client's body. Usually only the heel is used for this treatment but the whole of the foot can be used as well. This practice is especially useful for use on the larger muscles of the body.

The name of this method of massage derives from the Japanese words for foot (ashi) and pressure(atsu). It might be very well and good with a dainty female Japanese therapist marching up and down one's back, but Australians are considerably heftier. One of my nephews is a physiotherapist.

He's way over six foot and plays Rugby League - as a front row forward - on the weekends. If he attempted ashiatsu on you, you'd be dead.

Answer: Soles of the feet

There are different styles of massage that concentrate on the feet, most of which are either for relaxation or fun. Many therapists believe that specific parts of the feet also correspond to different organs within the body and that massage of these points can relieve pain in that section of the body, relieve stress, release blocked energy, help focus thinking and so on. Unfortunately the soles of the feet are particularly ticklish in many people and a massage session could go something like "Oh stop, hahahahahah, stopppp! I feel great! Stopppp, ohh, that tickles!"

Answer: Hawaii

Lomilomi is also a salmon side dish frequently found at mealtime in the Pacific islands. As far as massage therapy goes however, lomilomi is an Hawaiian word meaning to knead and work the muscles in and out. They liken this to the way a cat kneads its paws - unfortunately with its claws sticking out - into something (usually your legs) when it's feeling very contented. Therapists of this massage method use anything to work your muscles during a session - hands, feet, knuckles, elbows, and even sticks and stones.

All together now: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me".

Answer: No

Not on your Nelly. In fact, it was thoroughly condemned. Mainstream medical practitioners just have to be careful with accepting any new methods of treatment, alternative or otherwise. The lives of their patients are in their hands - not to mention the possibility of being sued for millions of dollars if irreversible damage is caused to same. Still, perhaps sometimes they are too quick to condemn, without a thorough investigation into the claims of new treatment methods. It would be wise to err on the side of caution with this treatment though.

So, what then is myofascial release and what does it treat? Fascia is connective tissue that attaches internal muscles and organs together, stabilising and enclosing same. Osteopaths believe this tissue can become compressed and restricted from conditions such as emotional or mental stress, from being overused, from injury, or from inactivity - paralysis - and even cancer (alarm bells should go off right here). Myofascial release therapists concentrate on massaging the body's fascia trigger points with either passive massage (the patients enjoys the ride) or with active resistant therapy (the patient provides muscular resistance against the treatment). Any alternative treatment that promises to cure everything under the sun should always be treated with a great deal of caution. There are some very unscrupulous people out there who don't care how many hearts they break, or hopes they ruthlessly dash, when it comes to swelling their bank accounts.

Answer: Gravity

Rolfing sounds like something a dog does. "Rolf! Rolf!". Or perhaps in this case, something a duck does - because this therapy has been condemned thoroughly as belonging to the realm of quackery. Rolfing describes the human body as an energy field, aligned along an axis linking earth with the force of gravity, which, when one becomes ill, or in physical pain, is out of that alignment with the planet. Furthermore, it claims, a little like the previous method of treatment, that the body's fascia has to be lengthened to restore the body's harmonious balance with gravity. And so on and so on. Rolfing makes so many claims, none of which, it should be noted, has any degree whatsoever of scientific proof. These include the release of painful repressed memories, endowing the customer with confidence and power, changing the personality, and so on.

Rolfing treats the patient in a series of ten levels which they refer to as "the recipe". It begins with surface kneading, and then progresses deeper and deeper, concentrating specifically on the pelvic area (surprise, surprise). It adds hastily, you may be relieved to know that the customer always wears undergarments. Well, one would hope so. The very idea!

Answer: Effleurage

Apart from English speaking countries, Netherlands and Hungary, Swedish massage is referred to in most other countries as classic massage, and this one does have the approval of the medical fraternity. Well, within reason anyhow. It consists of five different strokes, as follows:

1. Petrissage - a standard kneading technique where deep pressure and compression is applied to underlying muscles.

2. Tapotement - this also incorporates five different methods - which is a combination of different rhythmical tappings. These include beating (using a closed fist to lightly tap); slapping with the fingers; hacking (using the side of the hand to tap); finger tip tapping, and rhythmic cupping. These five methods wake up the nervous system and release lymphatic buildup in the system.

3. Friction - along cross fibres.

4. Vibration/shaking. One presumes this is as gentle as the other methods and that your teeth aren't being loosened.

5. Effleurage. This is a gliding and sliding form of massage, but keeping the skin flat and not dragging it up into clumps. It is done in circular motions using the palm of the hand or the fingertips, while moving along the body in the one direction towards the heart. Effleurage incorporates four sub-categories of ethereal (or aura) stroking; feathering (stroking where the nerves are located); superficial general stroking; and deeper general stroking.

Answer: The skin is scraped off

The skin is scraped hard enough, in fact, to produce bruising all over it. There is a photo of a presumably satisfied customer on Wikipedia if you wish to see the result of this grim form of therapy. Those who practise it believe that unhealthy elements are released, and that blood flow and healing is promoted. I certainly concur with the blood flow part of that. There are several versions of this therapy, the name of which roughly translates to "scrape wind". It has been practised by the Chinese since the year 220, where it is referred to in a Chinese medical text of that era.

One method uses oil rubbed on the skin over which a coin is then scraped. Another uses a coin which has been placed in the middle of the yolk of a boiled egg. After it has then been scraped along the body - and also the forehead to remove a fever - the coin, which was shiny and clean before the treatment began, has turned black. I'd hate to think how the egg came out of it. Other instruments can be used in this therapy as well. These include spoons, animals, jade and buffalo horn - preferably without the buffalo attached.