Call the Copse Trivia Quiz

Answer: Malaria

Explanation for this pun just in case you didn't understand it: "Mal" is a prefix meaning bad - and a solo for an opera singer is known as an aria. Together you have Mal-aria, a mosquito borne illness that, if serious enough, can cause death. Symptoms include fever, nausea, vomiting, headaches, seizures sometimes, coma and death. Death, you could say, is the ultimate symptom.

Opera singers are highly trained musicians who spend years doing endless hours of scales every day, learning new songs, refreshing themselves with others, practising the right emotions to express for the part, learning various language required for the different roles they play, and backing all that up with years of study of musical knowledge. This includes knowing all the different instruments in an orchestra, their range, their keys, their history, being able to read all forms of music and know all the different music directions, know how to transpose and play music as well as singing it, knowing all the great composers and their works, and a hundred other skills. But every single second is worth it when, stepping out onto that stage and starting to sing, you watch an audience becoming completely absorbed in the musical tales written by all the great composers of the world you are singing for them. Holding that audience in the palm of your hand, you can make them laugh - or cry - fall completely in love with your portrayed character - or long to see you receiving your just desserts. You become heroine, villain, lover, wife, narrator and are lifted to another plane of existence.

When I die, I want "Once I sang" as my epitaph.

Answer: A zebra

Explanation: The newly developing African animal was a zebra - and she purchased, what else, but a ze-bra. The invention of bras is thought to date back to ancient Greece when well endowed ladies wore strips of material around their chests, tied at the back, to hold things in place. These became more and more sophisticated over the centuries. By the 15th century, for example, bras were comprised of two cups, shoulder straps, still tied at the back, and with an enticing piece of lace placed over the cleavage area. And on it went from there. Bras today come in all shapes and sizes - to fit all shapes and sizes. They're still a diabolical invention for some women, requiring Houdini-like skills to put on and remove.

A zebra is a striped mammal from Africa. Did you know that, like a human's fingerprints, each zebra's stripes are unique? There are three existing species in the world, and these break down into eight sub-species. Oh, this is interesting: When looking at a zebra, do you see black stripes on white skin? If you are like most people, you will. You could also possible be hypnotised if you stared at one long enough. However, it's the zebra's skin that is black, and it's the stripes that are white.

Zebras partially use their ears to communicate as well as their vocal cords. These ears are pushed forward when alarmed or frightened, back when angry, and straight up and down when calm or at ease. Their normal vocalisations are highly pitched "barks" or whinnies, but when tense, they can also snort, and if spotting a predator approaching, they will bray loudly. Man has often attempted to domesticate this walking hypnotist, but is usually not terrible successful at this, because the little animal can be highly unpredictable. Well, wouldn't you? It doesn't know if it's a horse or a dog or a donkey.

Answer: An ordinary potato

Explanation: "Commen" becomes "common", which is a word that describes the everyday, normal, usual, or commodity available anywhere. "Tator" sounds like "Tater", an abbreviation often used by the Irish to describe a potato, a vegetable frequently associated with that lovely country. "Eat up your 'taters now, darlin'" - words straight from my Irish Granny's mouth.

A commentator is a person, either hired or perfoming in a voluntary capacity, who comments on the actions being carried out in front of him or her. This could be anything from a cricket match - or any sports - or a fashion parade etc, or, at a higher level, a television commentary on various current affairs and so forth. A very dramatic example of vivid and terrible commentary took place with Herbert Morrison's recording of the crash of the Hindenburg airship on May 6, 1937. He had been sent to New Jersey by his radio station to cover the arrival of the Hindenburg for a delayed broadcast. Below is a transcription of the later WLS radio broadcast describing the terrible events that followed:

"It's starting to rain again; it's... the rain had (uh) slacked up a little bit. The back motors of the ship are just holding it (uh) just enough to keep it from...It's burst into flames! Get this, Charlie; get this, Charlie! It's fire... and it's crashing! It's crashing terrible! Oh, my! Get out of the way, please! It's burning and bursting into flames and the... and it's falling on the mooring mast. And all the folks agree that this is terrible; this is the worst of the worst catastrophes in the world. Oh it's... [unintelligible] its flames... Crashing, oh! Four- or five-hundred feet into the sky and it... it's a terrific crash, ladies and gentlemen. It's smoke, and it's in flames now; and the frame is crashing to the ground, not quite to the mooring mast. Oh, the humanity! And all the passengers screaming around here. I told you; it - I can't even talk to people, their friends are on there! Ah! It's... it... it's a... ah! I... I can't talk, ladies and gentlemen. Honest: it's just laying there, mass of smoking wreckage. Ah! And everybody can hardly breathe and talk and the screaming. I... I... I'm sorry. Honest: I... I can hardly breathe. I... I'm going to step inside, where I cannot see it. Charlie, that's terrible. Ah, ah... I can't. Listen, folks; I... I'm gonna have to stop for a minute because I've lost my voice. This is the worst thing I've ever witnessed".

Answer: It dematerialised

Explanation: A ghost is the spirit of a person who has died. Sometimes, if you believe in this sort of thing, that spirit or ghostly form returns to haunt the area in which it once lived and where it has many memories attached, either good or bad. (I'm giving myself the creeps, just in "passing" - pardon the pun). When ghosts periodically appear and vanish, they are said to materialise and dematerialise respectively.

A dressmaker works with various types of materials in his or her trade, when making or mending anything required by the customer. This could range from a new dress, to a suit, to a bride's gown, to letting out the seams in an outfit too tight, or taking up or letting down hems. The dressmaking craft covers a huge area of knowledge and skills. Sad to say, a good dressmaker is very hard to find today. It's a dying art. Oh look - another pun. Oh, and did you hear about the dressmaker who messed up the customer's order? She made a real boo-boo.

Answer: Morale

Explanation: Morale could be described a set of emotions associated with any entity, and how those emotions fluctuate depending on the fortunes and achievements, not only of the individuals associated with it, but also that of the entity itself. The morale of students, for example, usually depends on how well they perform at school, whether or not they have a supportive group of friends around them - and how well their school performs when matched up against other schools in any competition.

An inn is a somewhat old-fashioned word used to describe a place that offers overnight accommodation for travellers, and food and drink on a regular basis for long term customers as well. A popular drink of choice for centuries for these customers was ale, a type of fruity flavoured beer made from hops. Because of its contents, it was once a recognised source of nutrition in medieval times, as well as quenching the thirst, so much so that it was often given to children as well as adults. Because of its brewing methods, it was also considerably safer to drink in those times than the polluted streams of the day. So the cheerful innkeeper kept up the "morale" of his customers by offering them "more ale" to drink.

Answer: Codswallop

Explanation: Codswallop is an old British word that eventually made its way overseas. It's usually applied, with a snort of derision, when describing anything the listener has been told that he or she considers is an utter pile of rubbish, piffle or balderdash. "Why didn't you arrive home in time for Mum's visit...dear?" and "It wasn't my fault, I swear. Er..um..the police asked me to chase down a bank robber!" and "Codswallop! You weigh 20 stone!" That type of thing. And a cod, as you know, is a large fish. It is found in the North Atlantic and Pacific Oceans and has been consumed by man for centuries. Did you know that before mating, the male cod waves his fins around and does a lot of grunting. Then, when the job in hand gets started, he swims upside down below the female and they swim round in circles until he's finished. That must make him extraordinarily dizzy, but he probably puts that down to love.

One unconfirmed suggestion as to the origin of the word codswallop is that it was named after British born Hiram Todd, who, in 1875, invented a bottle to hold soft drinks such as lemonade. How uninteresting. Another has it that cod was a slang term for a joke or imitation, and wallop was a slang term for beer, so perhaps that bottle of codswallop was simply a term to describe imitation beer. There is one other suggestion as well, but we might give that one a miss. It's distasteful. Oh dear, more puns.

Answer: Sentimental

Explanation: A mathematician is a highly skilled individual with a wide range of knowledge in all areas of maths, who is employed by either education or scientific facilities, or assorted businesses to teach mathematical skills, solve mathematical problems, or contribute to further knowledge. One of the maths subjects taught at school when I was a child, and probably still today, was how to do mental arithmetic. It probably goes by a different name today, but this involved attempting to work out various given questions by thinking alone, without the use of pen and paper, and most definitely without the use of a calculator. It was fun.

I think back on those days "senti-mentally" just as the mathematician always felt when he thought back to the days of his childhood. Did you know that people today who have the ability to work out any maths problem at higher levels are referred to as lightning calculators.

Answer: Toulouse

Explanation: Toulouse is large city in France and the capital of the department of Haute-Garonne. Its name is pronounced, more or less, as "Two Loos" and on this the pun sits. (Look, Ma, another one!) "Loo" is an informal term used to describe a toilet, and is thought to have originated in England.

Several possible explanations have been put forward for Loo's inception, but these have proven to be a little questionable over time. The most popular of these is that the word came from the medieval period in history, when families, without the use of indoor plumbing or flushing toilets, simply used chamber pots instead, and then tipped them out of the window onto the streets below. Before the contents were upended they were said to have shouted out "Gardyloo!" (derived from the French "regardez l'eau" - "watch out for the water"). The Oxford Dictionary, however, states that the word "Loo" to describe a toilet, originated a very long time after the term "Gardyloo" had faded out of use in the English language. We will never really know for sure.

Answer: Bombard

Perhaps it could also be known as poetic justice?

Explanation: A bomb is an explosive device that, when released, expends a force of energy that destroys much in its immediate surroundings. The history of this weapon dates back to the early 11th century in China, when the Jin dynasty went into battle against the Song dynasty. That would have been a real blast. (Oh dear, sorry). Sadly though, mankind has been using these weapons ever since.

A bard was once a description applied to a poet, story teller or composer in medieval times, who was hired by a member of the aristocracy or nobility in order to create songs, tales or poems in that person's honour. A little like a public relations officer perhaps. Over time since then, the word gradually came to be applied to any poet or singer in general, and, in particular perhaps to the great playwright and poet, William Shakespeare (1564-1616). He is often referred to as the "Bard of Avon", in reference to his place of birth, Stratford-upon-Avon in England. When the Bard of Avon bombed his enemies then, it became a bomb-bard/bombard for this quiz.

Answer: Bulldozers

Explanation: Bulldozers are very large tractor like vehicles used in the construction industry for moving piles of soil or debris, knocking down structures, or even grading activities in order to level out bumpy areas of ground. Any construction work, in fact, that requires a lot of horsepower but not that much finesse.

Bulls, as far as cattle go, are large lumbering, dangerous males of the species that are used, if not castrated and sent off to be slaughtered for human consumption, for the sole purpose of impregnating cows to increase herd sizes. They're certainly not bred for beauty contests as, compared to the gentle cow, they're rather ugly beasts, the poor things. These animals can grow to a huge size, up to 2,000 lbs or more, but surprisingly, beef bred bulls are not as aggressive as dairy bulls. One of my farming uncles was gored by his pet beef bred bull once, so there goes that theory. You should never ever take chances with these animals, no matter how gentle they may seem, because they can turn on you in an instant. Our mechanically minded farmer no doubt was aware of that as he gazed upon his dozing bulls.