Quiz Answer Key and Fun Facts
1. Dear Athena
My problems started when I was a toddler and tried to lift a rock. It fell on my head, and I developed short-term memory loss. I have trouble remembering things, and it's caused me untold problems. When I went to Crete to destroy the Minotaur, I met this great girl named Ariadne (or was it Adrianna?) who was a princess or something. She was a big help (I couldn't have done it without her, actually), then she gave up everything to elope with me. Unfortunately, we stopped on some island somewhere and, when we set sail, I forgot about her and left her behind. I didn't realize she wasn't with us until we were nearly home (I went back to look for her later, but she had married some real party animal named Dionysus. She said he was the god of wine and merriment, which sounds like a pretty cushy job, if you ask me). I screwed up even worse on my return trip home; my dad had asked me to have my crew fly white sails if I got back alive. Naturally, I forgot, and when my dad saw the ship coming in with black sails, he went nuts and jumped off a cliff. Someone told me to tie a piece of string around my finger to remind me of stuff, but I keep forgetting it's there. What can I do?
Forgetfully yours, _______
2. Dear Athena
I am a male in my early twenties. I've always been somewhat confused about my sexuality; recently, I was in a relationship with a wood nymph, but it wasn't working for me. She was a nice girl and all, but she had some annoying habits that I couldn't deal with, like repeating everything I said. When we broke up, she took it pretty hard; last I heard, she was living in a cave. This past week, I went to the lake to get a drink of water and met a really handsome guy. He must be some kind of water spirit, because I can only see him when I look down into the lake. We've been spending a lot of time together, and I think I've found my soul mate; we seem to have so much in common, we can communicate without saying a word. The problem is, all this kneeling by the lake is killing my back and giving me rheumatism in my knees. There must be a way we can be together that's more comfortable; what would you suggest?
Reflectively yours, _________
3. Dear Athena
I actually have two problems I need to deal with. One is anger management; whenever anyone challenges me, I fly into an uncontrollable rage and do something really awful. Once, this satyr challenged me to a musical competition, which really ticked me off. I beat the pants off of him, of course, but that wasn't enough; I ended up skinning him alive. Then there was this woman named Niobe, who had fourteen kids; she made fun of my mother because she only had two. My sister and I got really peeved and picked off her fourteen brats with our bow and arrows. She took it pretty hard and couldn't stop crying, so the other gods changed her into a rock.
My second problem is my love life; I can't seem to get any relationship to work. There was this girl named Daphne whom I fell pretty hard for, but she didn't feel the same way about me. She was so anxious to get away from me that she actually asked to be turned into a tree, just so I would leave her alone (I still see her sometimes, but it's no fun dating a tree). I have nine gorgeous women working for me, but none of them want to be anything but good friends. I'm the sun god, but my love life is one long, rainy day. What should I do?
Intensely yours, ______
4. Dear Athena
I'm not going to mince words: I hate my mother, she is the cause of all my problems. For one thing, she murdered my father. She says she did it because he sacrificed my goody-two-shoes sister Iphigenia, but that's just an excuse; she was having an affair with this sleazy guy named Aegistheus, who's now my stepfather. My brother Orestes hates my mother as much as I do, but he was sent into exile. When he comes back, he's going to kill both her and my stepfather; I have an axe buried in the cellar for him to use. The problem is, I don't know if I can hold out until then; my mother is ashamed of me and treats me like an animal. I'm reaching the end of my rope; what should I do?
Obsessively yours, _______
5. Dear Athena
I am totally frustrated. I have the gift of prophecy (given to me by Apollo), which means that I should be able to prevent all sorts of calamity. The problem is that people either don't want to listen to me or, if they do listen to me, they think I'm crazy. It's not my fault that terrible things lie ahead for my country's future. Now, everyone is absolutely gaga over this giant wooden horse that the Greeks want to present to us as a gift. I keep telling people that the horse is bad news, but they completely ignore me. What should I do to get my point across?
Prophetically yours, _________
6. Dear Athena
My life has been a living hell ever since my husband left me for some airhead Corinthian princess. There was nothing I wouldn't do for this man; without me, he would never have found that golden fleece he was looking for. When we eloped, my father took off after us in hot pursuit, so I cut up my brother (whom I never liked anyway) and scattered pieces of him in the sea behind us, so my father would get distracted and stop chasing us. When we got home, my husband begged me to use my professional expertise to make his father live longer, even if it meant lopping a few years off his own life. I went him one better; I extended his dad's life without taking any years off his own. I should have stuck with plan A; now the louse thanks me by leaving me to raise our two kids by myself. I feel like I'm a time bomb about to explode and, frankly, these two kids are really getting ON MY NERVES!!
Homicidally yours, _____
7. Dear Athena
I've been searching for the right woman for years, but it's been one major disappointment after another. Recently, I got so fed up with it all that I decided to make my own woman (I'm a sculptor). I carved a really beautiful girl out of ivory; she's so lifelike, I expect her to come alive at any moment. I've set up an apartment for her, with a velvet couch, and I'm constantly buying her expensive gifts, like clothes and jewelry. The problem is that, obviously, the relationship can only go so far, what with her being a statue and all. Is there any way I can get her to actually come to life; perhaps some magic spell or incantation? I'd do anything to make this relationship complete, please advise.
Artistically yours, ________
8. Dear Athena
Okay, I guess stealing fire from the gods and giving it to humans was a pretty nervy thing to do, but I do think Zeus is overreacting just a bit. I just felt so bad watching those poor people down there eating cold meals and trying desperately to keep warm in the winter. How was I to know what kind of uses they would put it to? Now I'm chained to this rock for eternity and, as if that weren't bad enough, this eagle comes down each day and pecks at my liver. Do you think if I promised never, NEVER to cross Zeus again, he'd let me off this rock, at least for a while?
Stoically yours, _________
9. Dear Athena
Not to sound conceited, but I've always been an extremely attractive woman (my mother says it's because I was hatched from a swan's egg). Men have always gone a bit crazy over me, though I swear I never do anything to lead them on. I really love my husband, the king of Sparta, but I foolishly ran off with this handsome Trojan prince, which actually seems to have started a war. It's not really my fault, Aphrodite had told this guy that she would give me to him as his wife, so what choice did I have? I'm afraid my marriage may not survive this; my husband is furious and everyone is saying that the war is all my fault (someone even said that my face launched a thousand ships, I'm not sure how that works). I really just want to be a normal wife and not leave all this calamity in my wake. What should I do?
Beautifully yours, ________
10. Dear Athena
My wife says she doesn't believe in prophecies and oracles, but I'm beginning to wonder...
I should start at the beginning: when I was about eighteen, an oracle told me that I would murder my father and marry my mother. It didn't seem very likely, but just to be on the safe side, I left home and struck out on my own. Eventually, I arrived in Thebes, where I met this really unpleasant guy who started an argument with me. Things got pretty ugly, and I ended up killing him in self defense. It turned out that he was actually the king, but apparently he wasn't very popular, so I ended up marrying his widow and becoming king myself. Everything went well at first, but then this plague started, which some prophet says was my fault. I conducted an investigation and found out, among other things, that there was a prophecy that the guy that I killed would be murdered by his own son (sound familiar?). Then I discovered something else that has me REALLY worried; it turns out I was abandoned as a child and was adopted, so the people who raised me weren't actually my parents. Do you think it's possible...no, I don't even want to THINK about it. Please tell me I'm just imagining crazy things. PLEASE!!
Apprehensively yours, _______
Source: Author
jouen58
This quiz was reviewed by FunTrivia editor
agony before going online.
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