Yours Truly, Cassandra Quiz | Mythology & Legends

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1. Dear _______: Hello Sir! As you are a son of our mighty Zeus, I felt it only natural to give you a fair warning about your fate, so that the tragic events I predict may never come to pass. Beware, for your name is already well-known to our gods, as you have stolen a golden dog from Rhea and nectar and ambrosia from their mighty table! You are not well-liked in Olympus. I fear that your upcoming banquet brings with it much sorrow and disgrace. Rumor has it that the gods are constructing a torture pit for evildoers, where one cannot bend down to drink water or reach up to get any fruit. I would hate to see you in that position! Whatever you do, don't serve human flesh to the gods--they will know! They will know! Glad to be of service, should it help you and your family avoid a curse that would potentially last for generations! Yours truly, Cassandra

Answer: Tantalus

Dear Cassandra:

Hey, thanks for your crackpot letter. You know, I would have appreciated it if I could have had a little bit more advice on how to, you know, avoid getting tortured for eternity! You know how hard it was for me to even convince them to give me this piece of paper? I mean, come on, would YOU even believe that letter you sent? "Don't serve human flesh to the gods--they will know!" Ugh. It's not my fault little Pelops fell into the big boiling pot that I accidentally suspended underneath his bed--just a little accident! Plus, I haven't eaten any beef since that whole Io fiasco, so I figured, come on, how bad could human be?

Isn't it a little unfair for Zeus' own progeny to come to this harm? Every time I just bend down to get a little sip of water, it disappears. Ditto the fruit. Plus, you never told me that I'd get a giant boulder hovering over my head in revenge for that dog deal! I swear, Pandareous made me take that dog from Rhea--how was I supposed to know that it was keeping my father alive and away from Cronus? Great, I expect hundreds of years from now, people are going to use my name for an eponym of something really bad. Speaking of bad, have you heard anything about my family? Rumor has it that Atreus went and got a curse on the whole line and now Agamemnon's gone and murdered Iphigenia. I swear, where does he get off, infanticide? I'm ashamed such a cruel fate could be brought down upon my noble line.

Angrily and thirstily,
Tantalus

2. Dear __________: Hark, "all-gifted" one! I come bearing grave news. You, whom the gods have made in their everlasting goodness--shaped and molded into the perfect being--are in grave danger of succumbing to a terrible fate. The world will grow dark and sorrowful, and the landscape will turn bitter and cold, should you fail in this duty! The songs of the birds will fade and be replaced by the tyranny of malevolence! Melodrama somewhat over, though, you must be wary. You must tame that curiosity of yours, however strong it may be. Your husband Epimetheus knows the grave danger we face, but if he leaves unexpectedly, you must know. Do NOT open the box! Understand? Do NOT open the box! If you do, the world will collapse into a fiery pit of disaster without any Hope at all! Yours truly, Cassandra

Answer: Pandora

Dear Cassandra,

Even though I'm prettier and better dressed than you (thanks Athena and Aphrodite!), you do make a good point. Problem is, your letter was so melodramatic that I kind of ignored it. Actually, my husband Epimetheus and I laughed at it so hard that he had to go to the doctor to get his lung looked at. I think he was going to show it to his brother Prometheus later, you know, to cheer him up while his liver is regrowing this afternoon. Well, anyways, I was left at home while he was out doing that, and you see, I did get curious. Isn't that funny? So I squeaked over to that box that I brought as a wedding present and thought, what the heck, I'll take a peep inside.

Man, were you right, though. All this terrible stuff came out and I had to have a quick lie-down. When I woke up, terrible evil had been unleashed upon the earth, just like you said. The only thing that was even left in the box was a little happy face symbolizing Hope, which wouldn't come out no matter how hard I budged it. Maybe it was trying to hide from Despair. Whatever. You know how intercultural myths are: they ALWAYS blame sin on the first woman. It's not my fault that I don't have a Y chromosome, guys. Sheesh. I'm off to see the discus competition--daughter Pyrrha says there's going to be a flood tomorrow, so I'm bringing an umbrella just in case.

Only somewhat disappointed,
Pandora

3. Dear __________: First off, sorry about that deal at Troy. Look, it's not my fault that King Priam (may his soul rest peacefully in the Elysian Fields) is my dad. That Trojan Horse was a good idea. Sure, I saw through it, but nobody believed me then that it was going to work, and look where it got them. Now, I'm totally siding with you Greeks and I wish you only the best on your journey. Speaking of which, though, be very careful with what you're planning on doing. I know Tiresias and Circe have been helping you, which is all well and good, but it's pretty common knowledge that I'm a better seer than they are. I've foreseen that your crew might do something really silly if they don't find something to eat soon. I would hate to see you guys get stuck at sea for another 10 years because they decide to, you know, eat the cattle of Helios or something. Although that would make for a pretty great epic poem. In other news, I've heard that your wife is doing pretty well and your son is still alive and looking for you. So that's something to cheer about, right? Yours truly, Cassandra

Answer: Odysseus

Dear Cassandra,

I am completely offended by your letter. You, a Trojan princess, deigning to advise me, a Greek hero who completely routed your city during the War? I've heard that Agamemnon took you back to Mycenae after the war, and that you two were killed by Clytemnestra. If so, then that means you're giving me advice from the dead. Do you honestly think that's going to impress me? I've BEEN there, DONE that, met with Elpenor! Really, the land of the dead isn't that exciting.

Now, for your other point. I have the most trustworthy crew on the seven seas. Sure, they might have messed up with Aeolus' winds and gotten us stranded here in the first place. Maybe they did get caught in the land of the Lotos-Eaters for longer than necessary, and yes, Circe did turn them into swine. But they got better! I would trust them implicitly. Let them tie me to the mast with earwax in their ears if they ever were to betray my instructions. I've told 'em not to eat anything that belongs to the gods, and they won't. Good day to you!

Insulted,
Odysseus

4. Dear _________: Aphrodite has forbidden me to give you any real information in this letter, but I feel it is my duty to help you avoid a serious predicament. You, my dear, are in danger from your sisters. Although they seem to want to help you, you should not trust them. There is no giant serpent waiting to kill your child. ***** has been forbidden to reveal his presence to you until the proper time. I foresee terrible things in your future if you try to figure out his identity until that time in which he presents it to you. Also, avoid all oil lamps. It could burn away your passion, once and for all! ***** wishes to pass along his best wishes and says he will meet you tonight. Yours truly, Cassandra *****: This letter has been censored by Aphrodite for revealing the name of a certain ungrateful child in a manner in which it shall not be used. This mortal woman shall never steal the heart of my arrow-wielding son and god of Love!

Answer: Psyche

Dear Cassandra,

I'm such a fool! Such a dumb, dumb, dumb, fool! You were right to tell me not to trust my sisters, but just for a moment, I believed them, with their tales that my life and that of my baby were in danger! So I admit it: I threw away your letter and brought a knife and a lamp to bed that night. How was I to know that he who loved me was none other than Eros himself? In the dark, I called out "Cupid." Whether it was my using his Roman name or simple recognizing his identity, he burned himself on the oil and fled! Alas, my love, who pricked me with that arrow on your way out, so now I am consumed with passion for you! Please, Eros, come back and love me!

I shall get revenge on my sisters, then see if I can rejoin my love in Olympus. Thank you Cassandra for the warning. I should have believed your prophecy in the first place! My deepest apologies.

Consumed by melancholy,
Psyche

5. Dear ___________: I must say that I'm a huge fan of your work. That golden bridle that Athena gave you goes great with your hair, which is so long and smooth...Anyway, I have grave advice to give you. I understand that you have killed the Chimera. Well done. But you must not rest now, young hero. Travelling around the Greek world is a rumor that you might try something daft. Now, since you're related to Sisyphus, that wouldn't really surprise me, but you need to understand that capturing Pegasus isn't going to really help you climb Mount Olympus. If you do, Zeus is going to strike you blind with a gadfly and that'll be the end of that hubris. So instead, why don't you fly over to Troy so I can meet you? Yours truly, Cassandra

Answer: Bellerophon

Dear Cassandra,

You should know that I do whatever I want, because I'm a Greek hero. Maybe it might come as a surprise to you that we heroes get to do what we want, since you're stuck making prophecies that nobody believes. I mean, come on. Strike me blind with a gadfly? Zeus is going to welcome me with open arms like a brother, and thank me for bringing Pegasus back to his side. I'm not coming to Troy to meet some disgusting seer who sees worse than Tiresias and Oedipus combined.

And as far as insulting my family is concerned, you go too far. Sure, Sisyphus is stuck rolling a boulder up a hill for an eternity in the Underworld. It's not fair to brand his name upon me, greatest hero in all of Greek myth, bar none! I intend to get his name cleared as soon as I make it to Olympus.

Now go away, nobody wants your disgusting advice. Go find a real job, like walking around as a cripple on the Plain of Aleion. Someplace where I'll never see you.

Repulsed,
Bellerophon

6. Dear _________: I'm sure I don't have to remind you of this, but in case you've forgotten, little girl, do not intentionally offend the gods. You might not be a seer who can see Ovid's "Metamorphoses" coming around in the future eras like me, but even you should know that when people offend the gods, bad things happen. I don't care how good at weaving you think you might be, if you challenge Athena to a contest, she's going to beat you. Then, you're going to be changed into a bug. If you're lucky, you might have more than six legs. Seriously, listen to me and don't go around boasting about how talented you are. Yours truly, Cassandra

Answer: Arachne

Dear Cassandra,

You call me a silly girl? I, the greatest weaver on the planet, who can weave better than those gods who dwell in the heavens above? I, who, at the age of four, was already outdoing the Wise Lady herself in competition? I, who, at the age of six, made a tapestry which general appraisers have priced at a greater value than all of King Midas' personal treasure combined, including his gold-covered daughter?

I think, therefore, I am perfectly qualified to make a judgment regarding my abilities. I have no doubt that you do not appreciate fine weaving, which is perfectly fine. Do not dare to suggest that you know more about the craft than I do. As for Athena turning me into a bug, well, if that Pallas wishes to smite me, then she may do it now! I dare her! You see, she is afrai-

(The rest of the letter is cut off, with a few scorch marks present below, and what appears to be the severed leg of a spider attached above a signature).

Craving flies,
Arachne

7. Dear ___________: It doesn't really take a seer to give you some advice, but since I'm omniscient and everything, you should probably listen to me. I wouldn't want your bad mistake to be immortalized in poetry, art, and popular culture for generations--that would make me feel terrible! You know those wings your father Daedalus constructed to get out of the Labyrinth? They're made of wax. You might be young, but you're not dumb. If you fly too high, the wax is going to melt and you're going to flap your feathers like a bird. You'll stay suspended in the air for a few milliseconds, and then you're going to fall into the sea with unfortunate results. So whatever you do, don't fly too high! Don't bother to thank me, all in a day's work to help misguided young men. Yours truly, Cassandra

Answer: Icarus

Dear Cassandra,

Have you ever worn a pair of wings? I didn't think so. For your information, my dad is the smartest guy you'll ever meet, and I'm pretty sure he made those wings to be melt-proof. Plus, everyone knows that when you get higher, the temperature goes down. So the higher I fly, the more likely it is that I'll survive, right? I've been practicing my flying for the last three weeks and I think I've got it perfect, so don't you come lording it over me on how YOU would do it. I don't even listen to my own father half the time--why on earth would I listen to what some seer that I've never met thinks. My dad says that science trumps everything.

And as for your comments about being immortalized in poetry and art, well, the other oracle said that in 1996 they discovered Pieter Brueghel the Elder probably didn't even paint "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus." And he seemed to be smarter than you, so I wouldn't worry about being "immortalized" by the masters. Unless it's for being the best flying boy in the history of our world.

Narcissistically yours, without being a guy who falls in love with his own reflection because that's just weird,
Icarus

8. Dear __________: I have a few tips for you, my dear, so that your life as a priestess in Athena's temple runs smoothly. 1) Avoid Poseidon at all costs, since he's still mad about losing that little competition with Athena over that little city in Greece. 2) If you don't avoid Poseidon, try to make sure that you're not around when Athena finds out about it. I've heard she's trying out new punishments, like making people's hair turn into vipers. 3) If you don't manage to avoid Athena, try to avoid being labeled as the only "mortal" of your sisters, so that King Polydectes doesn't send heroes to come destroy you. 4) If word does get out you're mortal, don't fall asleep on the job and allow a hero to kill you by looking into his mirror shield rather than at your hideous face. That pesky son of Danae is really pretty clever. As long as you follow those rules, you should be good to go! Yours truly, Cassandra

Answer: Medusa

Dear Cassandra,

I found this lying on the ground in Medusa's lair, and I figured I'd pick it up on the way out. Weird, you must have written this advice column ages ago, but I'm not sure if Medusa took it to heart. If you notice, she scrawled, "Frivolous seer! I shall turn you to stone should you come to my cave" at the bottom of the note. I'm sure there are no hard feelings, though. Looks like she didn't have time to write, what with feeding the snakes in her hair and all.

Well, if you must know, I managed to kill her by looking in the mirror shield, just like you said, and wearing Hades' helmet of invisibility and Hermes' winged sandals. You must be pretty clever to figure all that out! I wish I'd read the prediction before I'd actually killed Medusa, since it probably would have been a little bit easier to get her snakes to fall asleep.

Do you have any predictions for me? Someone told me I was destined to kill my grandfather or something, but I have no idea who that is. I guess that's better than that poor Theban fellow who killed his father and married his mother.

Glad to pass along this note, and I'm free on weekends when I'm not on this heroing business,
Perseus

9. Dear ________: Hello! I've always looked up to you as a role model for strong women resisting male authority, so this is as good a time as ever to put your foot down and avoid any ugly repercussions. The world has heard your challenge, and several have lost their lives in attempting to beat you in a footrace. Yet be careful, _________, for I've heard that a man by the name of Hippomenes is seeking a race against you this week, and he's been practicing. I also think that Aphrodite is favoring him. Whatever you do, ignore the golden apples, focus on winning the race! I wish you the best of luck, and don't forget to eat some carbs the night before! Yours truly, Cassandra

Answer: Atalanta

Dear Cassandra,

You're crazy. First off, I love Hippomenes so much I can hardly stand it. Sure, we're both lions and can't REALLY love each other. I mean, sure, we did kind of defile Zeus' temple, but I just love him so much! I know I used to be a warrior who hated men. I remember that Calydonian boar hunt and that fool Meleager who fell in love with me, which I just never could understand. Then all those idiots who tried to beat me in a race!

Good thing I did ignore your letter then, since it brought me to Hippomenes. I mean, when I first saw him, he didn't really seem special, and he's actually really slow. But he had these amazing golden apples that I couldn't help but admire. Every so often, during the race, he would drop an apple, and some weird supernatural force made me stop and look at it. He won, and look at me now! I can hardly help myself, I love him so much. Okay, the paws and mane instead of my flowing golden hair isn't wonderful, but being a lion isn't all that bad. Honestly, Cassandra, you should look for a man. They're not ALL creeps.

Enthusiastically yours,
Atalanta

10. Dear ________: Please, don't kill me! I'm only a humble messenger, attempting to do the right thing in the world. I've heard about your military prowess and know that you could possibly twist me like a log. Everybody knows what happened to your children, too. Sir, I only come to say, if your wife brings you a shirt with blood on it, don't put it on. That centaur Nessus really is coming back to get you, and only he has the power to kill such a noble son of Zeus. I humbly entreat you to be careful. Yours truly, Cassandra

Answer: Heracles

Dear Cassandra:

Don't be silly. I haven't killed anyone since that giant Antaeus, and I've tried to stop the drinking after I lost that contest to Dionysus a few years ago. You don't need to be afraid of me unless you do anything that indirectly provokes anyone that I know to any sort of mild disagreement whatsoever. In that case, you should probably run for your life.

As far as your message goes, well, I don't believe you. It's as simple as that. Deianira is the sweetest, most lovable woman in the whole world, and she'd never kill me. That Nessus guy was a creep who tried to steal her, but he's dead now. Only a hero that's as strong as I am can wrestle Death and win, so he's gone and there's no coming back. Plus, I'm practically immortal, and last I talked with my dad, he says I'm going to have an apotheosis any day now up to Olympus. My conviction is that this was probably just the first-ever piece of spam mail, so I'll warn you that I'm not giving any money to Nigerian banks either, while you're at it. If this does end up reaching a human being, well, then you just must be a really unbelievable sort of person, and you should probably find a new job. I hear there's an opening for holding up the sky--you can talk to Atlas about that one, I hear he's hiring a replacement.

Happy to see my wife returning with a weird smile on her face holding a blood-coated shirt,
Heracles

Source: Author adams627

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Yours Truly, Cassandra Trivia Quiz

Good old Cassandra has started a prophecy-soliciting business, where she tells people in Greek myth how to avoid their unfortunate fates. Only problem? They don't believe her. Can you identify the addressees of these notes?

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