Terry Pratchett's "Interesting Times" Quiz

Answer: Rincewind's hat was embroidered with the word "Wizzard"

The Archchancellor of the Unseen University, Mustrum Ridcully, had been summoned to see Lord Vetinari, the ruler of Ankh-Morpork, because Vetinari had received a message from the Agatean Empire via an albatross. Rather, he HADN'T received a message from the Agatean Empire and it DIDN'T come via an albatross, but never mind.

The message said "Send us instantly the Great Wizzard". Vetinari didn't want to mess with the Agatean Empire, so he wanted Ridcully's assistance in sending a wizard to them by tea time.

The spelling of the word "wizzard" was familiar to Ridcully, although he couldn't place it, but the librarian at the Unseen University, who had been transformed into an orangutan in a prior novel, remembered where the word appeared: Rincewind's pointy hat, with the word "WIZZARD" embroidered in sequins on it, had been sitting on a shelf in the library. "What kind of sad, hopeless person needs to write WIZZARD on their hat?" asked Ridcully.

When the faculty located Rincewind and teleported him back to the university, they had their confirmation: He was wearing a hat made out of coconut leaves and bamboo with the word "WIZZARD" on it, written in seashells.

Answer: Lord Hong

The Agatean Empire bore a strong resemblance to China, and it was ruled by an elderly emperor. Five lords from the five great families were jockeying to replace the emperor: Lords Hong, Sung, Tang, Fang and McSweeney. Rincewind asked about the latter name and was told that it was an old, established family in the empire. Lord Hong had one of his servants, Two Fire Herb, send the message. Two Fire Herb was working as a spy for Lord Hong; he had infiltrated the Red Army and kept Lord Hong apprised of their activities. Lord Hong knew that the Red Army believed in the legend of a "Great Wizard", and he also knew about a "Great Wizzard" in Ankh-Morpork, thanks to a book that had been circulating among the rebels, so he wanted to bring Rincewind to the empire to lead the them.

His goal was to kill the existing emperor and take his place, and then blame the death on the rebels.

Answer: A dog-shaped cannon

The Barking Dog in question belonged to Lord Hong. When it arrived at the Unseen University, only Ponder Stibbons identified the object as an explosive; he was the wizard who had created the computer responsible for the calculations that sent Rincewind to the Counterweight Continent.

The other faculty members closely examined the brass "statue of a dog with a big mouth", and Archchancellor Ridcully had even stuck his head into the dog's mouth and noted that there was a big round ball inside. Stibbons finally told them he thought it was a type of firework, and they let him extinguish the fuse.

At the end of the story, when Rincewind was yanked back to the Unseen University via magic, the Barking Dog was returned to the Counterweight Continent (after being re-lit, because the faculty wanted to return it in the same condition they received it), killing both Lord Hong and Saveloy, the would-be barbarian.

Answer: Teacher

Ronald Saveloy used to teach geography, and he was fondly called "Teach" by the horde. Rincewind was shocked to find that the gentle teacher had given up his mild life to become a barbarian: "But.. the privation, the terrible hazards, the daily risk of death..." "Oh, you've BEEN a teacher, have you?" an excited Saveloy responded. Saveloy had decided that he wanted the excitement of being a barbarian, but he felt the need to instruct the horde on how to behave in society.

He had given them a list of words to replace the curse words they usually used, and he attempted to teach them chess, but "their idea of an opening gambit is for the King and all the pawns to rush up the board together and set fire to the opposing rooks".

Answer: They were children.

When Rincewind was captured and brought to the Red Army headquarters, he looked around at the faces watching him and asked "Who are all these children?" Not only were they children, the majority of their rebel activities consisted of putting up slightly impolite posters with slogans like "Slightly Bad Things Please Happen To Our Enemies". Butterfly explained to Rincewind that they were new to rebellion and since they didn't have experience, they took small steps. An exasperated Rincewind pointed out to them that they wouldn't succeed by "singing songs and putting up posters".

Answer: Twoflower

Rincewind had received a copy of the book from Saveloy. It was really just a bunch of papers sewn together, and he shoved it in his pocket and didn't actually look at it until he was in a tavern. Upon seeing it in Rincewind's hands, the tavern owner immediately assumed he was part of the rebel group. Rincewind skimmed through the book and realized that it was about the adventures that he had had when Twoflower, the disk's first tourist, had visited Ankh-Morpork. Rincewind later was reunited with his old traveling buddy when he ended up in the cell next to Twoflower in the empire dungeon.

He found out that the rebels, Lotus Blossom and Butterfly, were Twoflower's daughters and that Mrs. Twoflower had been killed as collateral damage when Lord Hong had a battle with Lord Tang in Bes Pelargic.

Answer: Eunuchs

After the horde had entered the city by pretending to be mad and killing a guard, Saveloy took them shopping for clothes, since they couldn't very well sneak into the palace wearing leather and chain mail. Unbeknownst to his fellow horde members, the clothes were actually the attire of eunuchs, which Saveloy thought was the best disguise for them since they couldn't pass for guards or bureaucrats.

The horde found out that they were dressed as eunuchs thanks to Six Beneficent Winds, the tax collector who had joined their cause (rather than die).

When Saveloy tried to explain that it was "an honor to be a eunuch in the Forbidden City [because] many of them occupy very exalted positions", Truckle threatened him, "Then prepare yourself for high office, Teacher!"

Answer: Terra cotta warriors

Rincewind didn't like the odds - seven old men against hundreds of thousands of warriors - so he tried to use psychological tactics to gain the edge. He started a rumor that an earlier rumor about vampire soldiers wasn't true (which convinced the warriors that there actually WERE vampire soldiers), and it spread like wildfire throughout the warrior camps. Deciding his work was done, he took off to find a safe place away from the battlefield, but he ended up falling into an underground chamber where he encountered the giant terra cotta warriors.

He also found a magic helmet, magic gloves and magic boots, and with them, he was able to animate the warriors and lead them into battle.

Answer: A female Luggage

It turned out that the Agatean Empire was the Luggage's native land. When it followed Rincewind to the Counterweight Continent, it went off in search of a mate, and it found one in a Luggage corral outside of an inn. Three big Luggages had cornered an ornate box up against the corral fence, and Rincewind's Luggage would have none of that.

It attacked and battered the three chests, and the rest of the Luggage in the corral took off. The Luggage met up with Rincewind later in the city, and he was accompanied by Mrs. Luggage (at least, Rincewind took it to be a female since you really can't tell with Luggage, but it did have painted toenails).

After Rincewind was whisked away at the end of the story, the Luggage, Mrs. Luggage and four little chests briefly met up with Twoflower before the Luggage left its family and apparently headed off in search of Rincewind.

Answer: Australia

The Whistling Dog had been returned to the Agatean Empire but instead of getting Rincewind in return, a large creature flew over their heads and splattered on the wall of the Great Hall. The faculty wasn't sure what it was, but they referred to it as a large rat and described it as having large ears and strong legs. According to their calculations, Rincewind must have ended up on the island of XXXX, which they hadn't even been sure existed. Meanwhile, Rincewind found himself in a hot place with reddish sand and four scantily clad men pointing spears at him. One of them said "G'day bloke" to Rincewind, and they referred to him as the Kangaroo Bloke because a minute before there had been a kangaroo standing where Rincewind now was.

They handed Rincewind a bent piece of wood decorated with "little colored dots" which Rincewind angrily threw, and the story ended right as it returned and smacked him in the head. Yeah, Australia.