Tom Lehrer's "The Vatican Rag" Quiz

Quiz Answer Key and Fun Facts

1. According to the (humorous!) introduction to "The Vatican Rag" on the album "That Was the Year That Was", what was the Second Vatican Council trying to accomplish?

Answer: make the church more commercial

As he says in the introduction to the song: "Another big news story of year concerned the ecumenical council in Rome, known as Vatican II. Among the things they did in an attempt to make the church more commercial was to introduce the vernacular into portions of the mass to replace Latin, and to widen somewhat the range of music permissible in the liturgy, but I feel that if they really want to sell the product, in this secular age, what they ought to do is to redo some of the liturgical music in popular song forms. I have a modest example here.

It's called "The Vatican Rag"."

2. With all the changes to established rituals to be kept in mind, what is the first thing you have to do, according to "The Vatican Rag"?

Answer: Get down on your knees

On entering a church, it is traditional to genuflect (get down on your knees and bow your head) in deference to the image of the crucified Christ that is usually to be seen above the altar. After being seated, one might choose to recite a rosary, which would involve touching each bead of your rosary in order as the appropriate prayer is recited.

3. According to "The Vatican Rag", behavior inside a church is becoming less prescribed. Under what conditions can you do whatever steps you want?

Answer: If you have cleared them with the pontiff

This seems to be a reference to the introduction of liturgical dance as a part of church services, one of the 'radical' innovations of the Second Vatican Council. For many older parishioners, this type of change had a far more immediate impact on their lives than the more theologically revolutionary changes introduced by Vatican II.

4. The verbal aspects of the traditional Roman Catholic Mass are also shown to be changing dramatically. What does "The Vatican Rag" urge everyone to say?

Answer: His own Kyrie Eleison

These are all traditional names for common prayers in the Roman Catholic church. "Kyrie eleison" is Greek for "Lord have mercy", a prayer that forms part of the prayers of intercession. "Mea culpa" is Latin for "by my own fault", a part of the rite of confession. "Agnus Dei" is Latin for "Lamb of God", a prayer that asks for the forgiveness of our sins. "Pater Noster" is Latin for "Our Father", also known as "The Lord's Prayer." As a result of Vatican II, services started to be said in the vernacular instead of the traditional Latin (with touches of Greek).

Hence, everybody can say them in their own languages.

5. According to "The Vatican Rag", what do you do after you 'get in line in that processional'?

Answer: Step into that small confessional

The sacrament of penance (formerly known as confession) was traditionally carried out in a confessional - a small booth with two sides divided by a screen so that the priest hearing the confession could not see the confessor. The penance required to show sincere contrition and make one eligible for absolution may well have involved more rosaries, genuflection and head bowing, but that is not the stage described in the song.

The image conjured in the song of a conga line approaching the confessional suggests a rather frivolous interpretation of events!

6. Still considering the rite of penance as described in "The Vatican Rag", what will 'the guy who's got religion' tell you?

Answer: If your sin's original

The guy who's got religion is a reference to the priest who conducts the rite of penance. Apparently, ordinary churchgoers do not have religion (or at least, not as much). Actually, the concept of Original Sin is not usually relevant for the rite of penance - mortal and venial sins are of more common concern in the context of confession.

A mortal sin leads to much more severe consequences than a venial sin. The traditional Seven Deadly Sins are pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth.

7. According to "The Vatican Rag", which of the following do you NOT need to do if your sin is original?

Answer: Bow your head with deep respect

"If it is, try playin' it safer,
Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate!"

Partaking in the Eucharist is NOT considered to be a way of fixing sin, but playing it safer by avoiding sin is probably a good idea. Transubstantiation is the change of substance from bread and wine into the body and blood of Christ that is held to occur during the Mass. Traditionally one does not 'chew the wafer' - it is softened in the mouth and swallowed without chewing. Before Vatican II, members of the congregation did not receive the wine - that part of the ceremony was reserved for the celebrant.

8. Moving on through the service, where does "The Vatican Rag" recommend that you should make a cross?

Answer: On your abdomen

Actually, the chest is a more usual place for making the sign of the cross, but it doesn't rhyme nicely. Before the reading from the Gospel in a service, it is usual to cross one's forehead, lips and chest, indicating the desire to open the mind to understand, the mouth to praise and the heart to feel the message that is about to be heard.

9. According to "The Vatican Rag", what should you do when in Rome?

Answer: When in Rome do like a Roman

Hence the need for making a cross on the abdomen (which can be made to rhyme with Roman, trust me). The other options are fine ideas, but not in the song.

10. In "The Vatican Rag", what line immediately follows 'Ava Maria'?

Answer: 'Gee it's good to see ya'

'Ave Maria' is another familiar Latin phrase, meaning 'Hail Mary' - the opening words of the angel Gabriel as Mary was informed of her impending role as the mother of Christ. The prayer of this name is repeated during the recitation of the rosary.

Herewith the complete lyrics:

First you get down on your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Do whatever steps you want, if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff.
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison
Doin' the Vatican Rag.

Get in line in that processional,
Step into that small confessional,
There, the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original.
If it is, try playin' it safer,
Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate!

So get down upon your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Make a cross on your abdomen,
When in Rome do like a Roman,
Ave Maria,
Gee it's good to see ya,
Gettin' ecstatic an'
Sorta dramatic an'
Doin' the Vatican Rag!

Source: Author looney_tunes

This quiz was reviewed by FunTrivia editor agony before going online.
Any errors found in FunTrivia content are routinely corrected through our feedback system.

"The Vatican Rag" is a humorous take on the impact of Vatican II on the everyday life of members of the Roman Catholic Church in the 1960s. The more familiar you are with traditional rituals, the funnier it is.

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