Fun Epitaphs Trivia Quiz

Answer: Isaac Newton

Isaac Newton (1642-1726 or 27) was the brilliant English physicist, mathematician and astronomer, famed, more than anything else perhaps, for his laws of motion and universal gravitation. He contributed far more than that of course to the sum of human knowledge, but if his name is mentioned at any time in the modern world, the immediate connection in the minds of most people would be that of gravitation - and of being hit on the head with the falling apple that gave him the idea in the first place. Although it is pretty certain that Newton was inspired originally by seeing an apple fall from a tree - he confirmed this himself on more than one occasion - the image we are constantly fed from various uninformed sources of the pomme donging the stately Newton on his noggin, is not true. It's a piece of harmless fun though, and his reputation hasn't suffered in any way as a result. Here is the real story below, as told to his friend and acquaintance, the famous physician and clergyman, William Stukeley (1687-1765) when he was visiting Newton on 15 April, 1726:

"we went into the garden, & drank thea under the shade of some appletrees, only he, & myself. amidst other discourse, he told me, he was just in the same situation, as when formerly, the notion of gravitation came into his mind. "why should that apple always descend perpendicularly to the ground," thought he to him self: occasion'd by the fall of an apple, as he sat in a comtemplative mood: "why should it not go sideways, or upwards? but constantly to the earths centre? assuredly, the reason is, that the earth draws it. there must be a drawing power in matter. & the sum of the drawing power in the matter of the earth must be in the earths center, not in any side of the earth. therefore dos this apple fall perpendicularly, or toward the center. if matter thus draws matter; it must be in proportion of its quantity. therefore the apple draws the earth, as well as the earth draws the apple."

Incidentally, the descendants of that famous apple tree are located in several spots around the grounds of the University of Cambridge in England today - and, of all places, in the Instituto Balseiro in Argentina.

Answer: Alexander Fleming

Alexander Fleming lived from 1881 to 1955. He was a Scottish pharmacologist, botanist, biologist and doctor whose most famous contribution to humanity was antibiotics, via penicillin, in 1928. Knighted for him many achievements in 1944, Fleming also received the Nobel prize the following year, along with several others, for that famous penicillin. The story behind its discovery is quite interesting and took place when Fleming's laboratory assistant left the window to his lab open one night, allowing mould to form on some of the Staphylococcus bacteria Fleming was developing in Petri dishes. The very irritated Fleming was about to toss the samples away the next time he went into the laboratory after a holiday away, when he noticed there was something strange about them. Scientific curiosity led him to examine them under a microscope where, to his astonishment, he found that the mould was causing the bacteria to shrink and die, because it was preventing the bacteria from reproducing. You know the rest. Penicillin, thanks to an absent-minded lab assistant and an eagle-eyed Fleming, has saved millions and millions of lives ever since. Perhaps Penicillin should have been named Serendipity.

Did you know that lysozyme, a mild antibacterial substance, is produced naturally in nasal secretions, human milk, tears, and saliva? Fleming, who coined its name, also noted its very mild ability to fight bacteria in 1923, when he was experimenting on some by treating it with the nasal secretions of a patient with a bad head cold. In human milk, for example, lysozyme is present in quantities up to 3,000 times more effective than animal milk. Scientists have utilised this knowledge to produce a breed of goats with the human gene containing lysozyme, so that its milk can be given to children to protect them from diarrhoea if they are not being breast fed. More lives saved. We owe a lot to Alexander Fleming.

Answer: Thomas Edison

Thomas Edison lived from 1847 until 1931. Born in the United States, history has declared him one of the world's greatest inventors. Certainly he's way, way up there with the best of them, that's for sure, mainly perhaps because many of his inventions are still utilised by everyone well into the 21st century and possibly for centuries to come. These include the motion picture camera, the phonograph, stock ticker, mechanical vote recorder, battery for an electric car (that is astonishing and so very pertinent today), practical supply of domestic electricity for the use of everyone, improved telephone transmission, and, based on the earlier attempts of other inventors, the practical and economical light bulb. Then he built his first power station and electric light company in New York, and applied his genius to light up the first steamship, and from there, the rest of the world.

Other improvements or inventions by Edison included the first commercially viable fluoroscope (used to produce moving pictures of the inner workings of the human anatomy); mining ventures with a machine to pulverise rocks and then drawing out low grade iron ore from the dust with the use of magnets; an invention to produce rubber from the Goldenrod bloom; and various other uses and inventions resulting from his brilliant work with electricity. 2,332 worldwide patents were registered in the name of this amazing inventor. There's a list of them detailed them in Wikipedia if you're interested.

Edison was a very tough business competitor and a bit of a skinflint, but he had some fascinating views about finance and monetary reform that, who knows, if adopted could have made an enormous difference to the world today. He wasn't an atheist as is thought, but believed in a supreme intelligence instead that controlled all matter, so if you don't mind about that, it doesn't matter. He was a committed vegetarian because of this belief, horrified at the idea of eating any flesh, believed in non-violence to the extent that he would only agree for his work to be used for defence and not belligerence, and stated that "Until we stop harming all other living beings, we are still savages." He also once pulled an interviewer's leg by gravely assuring him that he was working on a phone to allow communication with the dead. "Hello, hello, are you there, Thomas?" Drat, no answer.

Answer: Louis Pasteur

Louis Pasteur lived from 1822 until 1895. Born in France, this great man was a biologist, microbiologist and chemist who introduced the world to vaccinations, microbial fermentation, and pasteurisation. Vaccinations administer a weaker form of extremely deadly diseases, such as poliomyelitis, to allow the body to create a defence against them. Microbial fermentation consumes sugar in organic acids, gases and alcohol and muscle cells deprived of oxygen (such as those of athletes in pain from a build up of lactic acids). Pasteurisation is an extremely important process that kills bacteria in food and drink, thereby saving millions of lives along the way. For the everyday person in the street, it's normally associated with milk.

Pasteur wasn't a particularly brilliant student as a child and was more interested in fishing and drawing, but as he matured and his brain developed, he became more and more interested in learning and acquiring knowledge. Eventually this saw him working as a professor of chemistry at the German university where he met and married his wife. Together the couple had five children, three of whom died young from typhoid. This triple tragedy no doubt awakened Pasteur's interest in finding a cure for the various deadly diseases that had plagued humankind since the beginning of time. The history of his work in this regard is way too detailed to include here, but it is incredibly interesting. Just one of his legacies today are thousands of schoolrooms all over the globe filled with healthy, smiling children filled with endless possibilities of their own, who will grow to adulthood to develop in turn their own unique and wonderful gifts to the world.

Answer: Donald Trump

Born in 1946, Donald Trump is a third generation business mogul who took his inherited wealth from his hard working ancestors and built it up into a billion dollar empire incorporating prime real estate, hotels, wineries, golf courses and other business ventures all over the world. Married several times and with many other romantic liaisons to his record, he has three sons and two daughters from these relationships, the eldest three of whom, particularly his eldest daughter Ivanka, help him maintain his financial empire. During his life, Trump has been a Lutheran by descent, a Presbyterian, a member of the Marble Collegiate church and is quite at home with any other mainstream religion under the sun. He has stated that he never asks God for forgiveness (oh dear) but that he tries to make amends for any wrong he may have done. However, Donald Trump being Donald Trump, would probably consider he never did anything wrong in the first place.

Before he stepped into the political arena, Donald Trump was always a figure of public interest and rich fodder for the gossip columnists, entertaining at times, scandalous at others, but definitely always rather interesting as well. Then however he began to display his notable chameleon like interest in the political world, and he appeared to be on a downhill trajectory from there. Along the way, he became a Democrat, a member of the Reform Party, an Independent and, by the time he became the 45th President of the USA, a Republican as well.

His first year as President of that nation was controversial to say the least, but way too detailed to go into here. One of his many idiosyncrasies, though, was his compulsive, almost psychological need to communicate his every thought with the public several times a day, day after day after day, on Twitter - seldom taking into consideration the impact of those endless tweets. Perhaps he chose this form of communicating because he was not a particularly accomplished off the cuff speaker in any shape or form, but was prone to hesitations, repetition and superlatives (I call him President Very Very) instead, so was more at home with the written word he could control more easily. Or perhaps it was because he simply didn't trust that the media would give favourable reporting of his many controversial and divisive decisions. Who knows? All one can safely say is that the poor old USA didn't know what hit it with President Trump - while the rest of the world stood by, eyes popping out of eyeballs, and continually picking up their collective jaws from the ground - as he tweeted on regardless.

Answer: Edward VIII

With the given birth name of Edward Albert Christian George Andrew Patrick David, Edward VIII (1894-1972) was King of the United Kingdom and its Dominions, and Emperor of India from 20 January to the 11th December, 1936. He gave up his throne because parliament refused to approve his desired marriage to the American double divorcee, Wallis Simpson (1896-1986). The reason the marriage was blocked by parliament was that, as the monarch of the United Kingdom, Edward was the Supreme Governor of the Church of England as well, and expected to hold up its values and teachings. One of those teachings was that this church would not perform or accept any marriage between a divorced couple if either of their former spouses still lived. Even today, the ruling monarch of the UK has to give permission for the first six in line to the throne to marry. Edward knew that if he went ahead and married Wallis while still King of that nation, it would bring down the government and create a constitutional crisis - but he was not prepared to give Wallis up. So he abdicated instead.

It's questionable whether this spoiled and self-indulgent monarch would have made a good king if he had not stepped down. He hated court protocol, hated all the traditions associated with his job, and hated all the sacrifices required of the work. He liked parties, the popular set, jazz and a good time instead, and, until Wallis Simpson happened along, kept a series of married women as his mistresses. Being the monarch of the United Kingdom is no Sunday School picnic, that's for sure, and most who inherit the throne of this empire aren't exactly cheering with happiness at the prospect. King George VI (Edward's younger brother and the father of Queen Elizabeth II) actually cried when he realised the crown was now his to wear. Who could blame him?

The irony though is that although Edward probably would have made a rather poor king, Wallis Simpson would possibly have made a reasonable queen. She was intelligent, charming, attractive, always perfectly dressed, always conscious of her image, and although she privately poked fun at all that the British establishment represented, she always maintained a degree of dignity in public. Edward's life following the abdication, and now known as the Duke of Windsor, was initially a short term as Governor of the Bahamas (during which time he left marks of his alcohol glasses on official papers), a strange meeting with Adolf Hitler which history still questions (it's believed that Hitler promised to reinstate Edward as King if Germany won the second world war), and then more or less as a party going good time Charlie with the fashionable set in France (where the couple spent the remainder of their lives), with a very bitter Wallis by his side, drifting from one self-indulgent momentary interest to another. He never really looked happy after he abdicated, but timid almost, as if he was afraid of judgement, and with very definite marked expressions of sorrow on his face. He died in Paris, just before he turned 78, his body was flown back to Britain and he now lies buried in the Royal Burial Ground at Frogmore, near Windsor Castle. The Duchess, who had wanted them both buried in Baltimore beside her father, was very frail by then, and, falling prey to dementia, died fourteen years later. She is also buried at the Royal Burial Ground at Frogmore, beside the man who gave up a throne for her - having being accepted into the ranks of royalty at last. It's just all so very sad.

Answer: The Duke of Wellington

Arthur Wellesley, the first Duke of Wellington lived from 1769-1852. He is looked upon today as one of the foremost military men and statesmen in Britain during the 19th century. Born in Dublin, he joined the army as a young man after his mother despaired of his ever making anything of his life, but the older he became the more his character and personality developed and then solidified. He went on to fight in many wars, proving to be remarkably incisive in military strategy, and by the time he saw battle in 1813, at the Battle of Vitoria, he had risen to the rank of field marshal, and then, ultimately, Commander-in-Chief of the British army. In all, this brilliant solider engaged in sixty battles during his military years.

At the close of his army career, Wellington galloped into politics with the same form of attack. He became the British Prime Minister twice (the second time was only for three weeks as a very reluctant interim Prime Minister, while he waited impatiently to hand over to Robert Peel. Wellington then remained in the House of Lords until his retirement in 1846. He died in 1852 from the effect of a cerebral haemorrhage, working at various projects right up until the end and still sleeping at nights in his old campaign bed. In all he did for the British empire, he well and truly deserves his place in history, but Wellington was no angel however. He carried on with other women behind his wife's back for almost their entire marriage, the naughty man, but, ultimately, his good qualities outweighed his bad by far. His state funeral was a huge affair.

Regarding this question, Wellington legacy carries on still today whenever anyone pulls on a pair of Wellington boots, so named after the ones he was said to have worn during his entire military career - in spite of the fact that they bear little resemblance to same. Today's Wellington boots are factory produced rubber affairs, whereas Wellington himself, because he disliked wearing traditional Hessian boots, had his calf length boots custom made to fit closely around the leg, minus the tassels, and with lower heels. But we all know how footwear of any kind can hurt the feet at times, don't we?

Answer: Richard III

Richard III lived from 1452-1485. He was the king of England for two years prior to his death at the Battle of Bosworth Field, which was the last, and decisive, battle in the War of the Roses, a struggle that spanned 1455-1483 between the two rival royal houses of York and Lancaster. At its completion, and even though the house of York had ruled for the majority of the time and the house of Lancaster had metamorphosed into the House of Tudor, the issue was finally resolved when Henry Tudor (the later Henry VII) rather reluctantly married the Elizabeth of York, the eldest daughter of Edward IV, Elizabeth of York, who was Richard's niece, thus uniting the two warring houses of York and Lancaster. They went on to have eight children, four of whom survived to adulthood, including the ghastly Henry VIII.

Shakespeare's play, "Richard III" (circa 1592) was written during the reign of Henry VIII's somewhat illegitimate (depending on perspective) daughter, Elizabeth I. Henry had married Elizabeth's mother, Anne Boleyn, secretly and then remarried her publicly when she fell pregnant - both weddings taking place when he was still married to Katharine of Aragon, his first wife. That first marriage wasn't declared null and void by Thomas Cranmer until May 1533, and Elizabeth was born in September that year. However the Act of Supremacy making Henry supreme head of the church in England, wasn't enacted until 1534. Until that time, the supreme head of the church in England was still the Pope - and not Thomas Cranmer, whom Henry VIII had made Archbishop of Canterbury. Henry's marriage to Anne, while his first wife was still alive, was unacceptable in the eyes of the Catholic church. Not only then did you have Henry VII's dubious claim to the throne of England, his son's illegal dumping of his first wife, his marrying a second wife while the first still lived, and the later Elizabeth I being born under these circumstances, Henry still wasn't supreme head of the church of England at this time. Shakespeare, writing his play during the reign of Elizabeth, had no other choice but to paint poor old Richard III as black as possible in order to make the Tudor claim to the throne a case of good triumphing over evil, and to reinforce the belief that Elizabeth I was the legitimate Queen of England. His play is replete with the most woeful historical inaccuracies you could possibly imagine. In short, he lied. Because he had to. His head would not have looked good adorning a pike.

It's an interesting thought to ponder upon though whether the extremely intelligent Elizabeth was completely aware of all the history leading up to her taking the crown, and deliberately chose not to marry and have children to prevent the ultimately barren Tudor line continuing.

Answer: Albert Einstein

Most people, whenever they hear the term "The Theory of Relativity" immediately associate it with the brilliant Albert Einstein (1879-1955). This theory usually incorporates both Einstein's Special Relativity and General Relativity theories, and gives us concepts such as "space and time, relativity of simultaneity, kinematic and gravitational time dilation, and length contraction" (Wikipedia), none of which I understand, but am sure you do. Einstein, who was born in Germany, but spent most of his life, from 1895, in Switzerland and the United States, published his special relativity theory in 1905. The final form of the general relative theory, after several years of working on it, was released in 1916.

In all, this brilliant scientist who won the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921 for "his services to theoretical physics, and especially for his discovery of the law of the photoelectric effect" (op cit) - and who had a wonderful sense of humour - published over 300 scientific papers during his life. He declined thousands of invitations to receive additional awards and to give addresses at public meetings. In spite of his renowned scientific thinking, Einstein sometimes voiced the opinion that science was inclined to do more harm than good at times. He was also a pacifist, regarding war as a disease of mankind, but at one stage went against all he believed in during the Second World War when he recommended the construction of the atomic bomb. This was because of the possibility of the Germans creating one first. He regretted that decision for the rest of his life. Charlie Chaplin, with whom Einstein struck up a friendship, once described him as outwardly placid and gentle, but that he appeared to be concealing a "highly emotional temperament" from which sprang his "extraordinary intellectual energy".

Most people perhaps don't know of Einstein's great love of music. Of this he would say "If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music...". This is not as strange as it sounds really. Music has very strict mathematical components. Einstein's political views leaned more towards socialism than anything else, but he also pushed quite strongly his idea of a democratic global government. Both views resulted in the FBI compiling a dossier on him that was more than 1,400 pages long. He did not believe in a personal God as such, but, on the other hand, was not an atheist, describing himself as a deeply religious non-believer with a focus on an all embracing reality instead. This giant of a man who gave so much precise thinking to the world can have the last word here. Of knowledge, he stated that "Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."

Answer: Oliver Cromwell

Oliver Cromwell, the anything but the life of the party guy, lived from 1599-1658. During the brief Commonwealth that lasted in Britain from 1653 until 1659, he was known as the Lord Protector of that nation - and what a funereal time it proved to be. Cromwell's family was descended down from one of the advisers to Henry VIII, so he was born into the relatively comfortable middle class gentry. Mind you, a lot of their wealth was scavenged from the dissolution of the monasteries by Henry, so it was certainly not earned by the sweat of their brow. As a young man he attended the Sidney Sussex College in Cambridge which was somewhat inclined towards puritanism, but this didn't seem to have any particular effect on Cromwell for he went on to marry and have nine children. A portrait of his wife exists in which she is (gasp!) wearing a low cut, colourful dress, and with her hair uncovered.

In the late 1620s and early 1630s however, he underwent a religious conversion following a bout of depression. During this period he sold most of his property and moved out onto a farm, and this is where his spiritual awakening took place. In a letter to his cousin, sprinkled heavily throughout with biblical quotations, he refers to himself as the chief of sinners but one who had been saved by God's mercy, and that he believed his future task was to rid England of its sinful ways and Catholic beliefs. He returned to London from his yeoman farming lifestyle, ready for this task, by now a thoroughly committed Puritan, and began to work his way up through the ranks of Parliament. During this period in history, you may remember, Charles I and parliament were involved in their long ongoing dispute which culminated in Charles losing his head. Cromwell played an important role in the Civil War/s (1642-1651) that followed, and at the conclusion of it all, was sole head of the Roundheads army. By 1649, now using biblical verses to justify the execution of the King, Cromwell's was the third signature on the execution order carried out in 1649. Britain then effectively moved towards its brief flirtation as a republic, with Cromwell at its head by 1653.

His treatment of the Irish was particularly barbarous during this period, but that's another story, as are his dealings with other nations. With Cromwell at its leader, his aims for his home country were twofold. Healing after the wars was the first, but the second, which eventually took top priority, was moral and spiritual reform. England, under his reign as Lord High Protector, went from a land of colour, song and dance, to a dour, black and white humourless land of hard work and prayer. Theatres and inns were closed down, most sport was banned (playing football on Sundays earned a whipping), swearing received a fine and continual swearing a prison term, women were put in stocks if they did any unnecessary work on Sundays or if they went for any walk that wasn't to church, celebrating patron saints days were banned and instead replaced by one day a month where nobody was allowed to eat a morsel, women had to dress respectably in long black neck to toe dresses with aprons and white headdresses with their hair hidden away, all make-up was banned and any woman caught wearing same had it scrubbed off by soldiers, men had to wear black and keep their hair short, and even Christmas celebrations and plentiful food on the day were banned (cooking a goose could see you arrested if the smell was detected by soldiers). Cromwell became one of the hated men in England. At his death in 1658, the role of Lord High Protector passed to his son Richard, but Richard didn't have the warts for the job, and the monarchy was restored under the fun loving Charles II in 1660.