Jerry Springer: English Royals Edition Quiz

Answer: George I

When he came to England to claim the throne, George brought two high-profile mistresses with him. One was apparently extremely fat, and the other very thin. The fat one, Sophia Charlotte von Kilmansegge, was reliably reputed to be the illegitimate child of George's father, Ernest Augustus, by Clara Elizabeth Meisenberg. Under the circumstances, it was perhaps better that the liaison between George and Sophia created no children. The thin mistress was Ermengarde Melusina von Schulenburg, with whom George had two, or possibly even three, daughters.

In light of all this, it is somewhat ironic that George had his wife, Princess Sophia Dorothea of Zelle, imprisoned for adultery.

Answer: Elizabeth I

Robert Dudley is considered to have been the love of Elizabeth's life. However, he was never seriously considered as a husband, and it's unlikely that their relationship was ever consummated. Elizabeth's father, Henry VIII, had divorced two wives, beheaded two more, and his sixth wife would probably have been executed if Henry had not died when he did. Wife number three died as a result of childbirth. All in all, not a good example of the joys of marriage.

In this light, the fact that Elizabeth never married is not so surprising. During her reign, marriage was Elizabeth's trump card.

She came very close to playing it on a couple of occasions, most notably with the Duke of Anjou.

Answer: William I

Perhaps more familiar under the epithet 'the Conqueror', William was born in 1027 or 1028, the illegitimate son of Duke Robert 'the Devil' of Normandy, and Arlette (or Herleva), a tanner's daughter. Robert left no legitimate heir, so William succeeded him after his death.

He could only have been seven or eight years old at the time. Three of his guardians were murdered, and William survived many attempts on his own life. Against the odds, he held onto his title and his lands, and consolidated his power.

He later branched out, and in 1063 he became Count of Maine by right of conquest. As we now know, he had also set his sights on a greater prize: England.

Answer: Caroline of Brunswick

Caroline was the Queen of George IV. The marriage was doomed from the start, as George had secretly married Mrs Fitzherbert ten years earlier. Therefore, when parliament requested that he make a good diplomatic marriage, he didn't put much thought into it. He even delegated the task of bringing Caroline to England to one of his mistresses. When he first laid eyes on Caroline, he was apparently taken ill and requested large quantities of brandy. Despite this bad start, the marriage produced one child, Charlotte.

George was renowned for his promiscuity, and soon Caroline followed suit by taking many lovers. It is even rumoured that she had illegitimate children whilst married to George. However, she attempted to conceal her activities by undertaking charitable work. George tried, and failed, to divorce her. When he eventually succeeded to the throne in 1821, he refused to allow her a coronation, and she was allegedly reduced to banging on the doors of Westminster Abbey, demanding that she be let in. She died only weeks later.

Answer: Henry VIII

After the death of Jane Seymour, Henry went looking for wife number four. By this point, many eligible princesses were wary of the King of England, and with good reason. One princess refused his proposal by saying that she would accept if she had two heads, but unfortunately she had but one.

Henry sent Hans Holbein the Younger to the German duchy of Cleves to paint Anne and her sister Amelia. Upon viewing the portraits, Henry chose Anne. However, once she arrived in England, he did not like what he saw.

It has been supposed that Henry fired Holbein for misleading him, but this is not true. The portrait may have been slightly idealised, but Henry did not blame the painter. Instead, he blamed his chief adviser Thomas Cromwell for advising him to marry Anne.

A few months later, Cromwell was executed.

Answer: James I

James made no secret of his homosexuality, and openly favoured his lovers. The one in question was George Villiers, whom James ennobled several times. He was made a Knight of the Garter, then created Viscount Villiers and Baron Whaddon, as well as Lord High Admiral. Later, he was created Marquis, and then finally, Duke of Buckingham. It is clear that James loved George dearly, and this is shown in this quote:

'I, James, am neither God nor angel, but a man like any other...I love (Buckingham) more than anyone else and more than you who are here assembled. I wish to speak on my own behalf and not to have it thought a defect, for Jesus Christ did the same, and therefore I cannot be blamed. Christ had his John, and I have my George.'

James wasn't a fan of smoking, and went so far as to write an essay entitled 'A Counterblast to Tobacco' in 1604. He also wrote poetry, and essays theorising about the 'Divine Right' of Kings.

Answer: Mary I

Mary's husband, Philip of Spain, had a roving eye. Although Mary viewed her marriage as a love-match, Philip definitely saw it as a political affair. He did not care for Mary, who was extremely devout, and generally preferred her ladies in waiting. He spent more and more time away from England, where Mary experienced phantom pregnancies and became increasingly obsessed with wiping out Protestantism.

When it became clear that Mary's health was declining, Philip began to think that marrying her sister, Elizabeth, would be a good idea. He had previously proposed that Elizabeth marry his cousin, the Duke of Savoy, to further cement the ties between England and the Hapsburg family. However, when it seemed certain that he and Mary would have no children, Philip supposed that he himself was the best candidate to marry Elizabeth, being the premier Hapsburg and already King of England. Besides being heir to the throne, Elizabeth was nearly 20 years younger than Mary, attractive, learned and vivacious. Elizabeth, it seems, had other plans.

Answer: George III

On April 17 1759, George is alleged to have married Hannah Lightfoot. The marriage is supposed to have produced three children. Whether this marriage actually took place is not confirmed, but documents related to the alleged marriage were impounded and examined in 1866. At the time, it was generally thought that the papers were genuine. What is certain is that George married Charlotte Sophia of Mecklenburg-Strelitz in 1761, and was a faithful husband.

Food for thought: IF the marriage between George and Hannah actually took place, then their children (if they existed) were the legitimate heirs to the throne. Furthermore, it would make George's marriage to Charlotte bigamous, and their 15 children illegitimate, thereby making every British monarch to this day a usurper. Interesting stuff.

Answer: Richard II

Richard's first marriage was to Anne of Bohemia, and he was devastated by her death in 1394. Although they were apparently a devoted couple, Richard and Anne were childless. Richard desperately needed an heir, so it seemed a little strange when in 1396 he married Isabella of Valois, daughter of the King of France, a few days before her 7th birthday. Isabella was widowed at 11, when Richard was overthrown by Henry Bolingbroke. For a long time, no one was sure if Richard were dead or alive, and people weren't sure what to do with the child-queen. Eventually, Isabella was allowed to return to France.

In 1406, she married Charles, the Duke of Orleans, and died in childbirth at 20.

Answer: Isabella of France

Isabella was married at age 12 to Edward II, who was openly homosexual. The marriage got off to a bad start when Edward gave Isabella's best jewels and wedding presents to his favourite, Piers Gaveston. Unfortunately for Piers, the barons hated him, and eventually had him beheaded. Edward switched his affections to Hugh Despenser and his son, also called Hugh. Up to this point, Isabella had been a loyal wife. However, this seemed to be the last straw. Isabella took a lover and raised an army to overthrow Edward, but that's another story. As for the Despensers, the elder was castrated, then disembowelled. His entrails were burnt in front of him. As that clearly wasn't bad enough, he was then beheaded, and his corpse was quartered, the pieces being sent to different parts of the country. His son suffered a similar fate.

I hope you have enjoyed this quiz, and the colourful exploits of the monarchs of England!