'M*A*S*H' - 'The Light That Failed' Quiz

Answer: Sutures

While Klinger plays musical light bulbs in the operating room, the surgeons all bicker (particularly Charles) about the lack of supplies. Particularly worrisome is the lack of both 4.0 and 3.0 silk. Hawkeye must resort to using Klinger's sewing thread for sutures.

Answer: Bathing suits

They've also received an ice cream churn, but no bandages, sutures, heating oil or gel foam. Hawkeye suggests that there are also probably 'a thousand gallons of suntan lotion'.

Answer: Philip Baker Hall

Philip Baker Hall is one of my favorite character actors and one that all fans of movies would recognize on sight. He has been a cast member in such films as 'Midnight Run', 'Say Anything...', 'Air Force One', 'Boogie Nights', 'The Truman Show', 'Rush Hour', 'The Insider', 'Magnolia', 'The Talented Mr. Ripley' and many others. It seems as if every Hollywood director wants Hall in their films!

His words of wisdom to Colonel Potter: 'You know Colonel, if I was you, I'd look on the bright side...summer is just six months away.'

Answer: The Rooster Crowed at Midnight

'Another brain-teasing, spine-chilling whodunit from the prize winning pen of Abigail Porterfield', reads the cover. We never are allowed to discover who sent BJ the book, but no matter, it's a godsend to the camp.

Answer: Abigail Porterfield

Obviously, Abigail Porterfield is supposed to be another Agatha Christie, but parellel is not suggested by the characters. Initially, BJ is somewhat selfish about his book, but later he doles out portions of his book to everybody in the camp, even including the normally snobbish Charles, in order that they may also indulge.

By the way, are books really this hard to come by at the 4077th (even for Charles)? I guess these are the questions that should not be asked, for fear of destroying the levity of the episode.

Answer: Charles and Margaret

Charles reads a particularly lurid section of the book from chapter three to Margaret. An excerpt:

'As the wind howled through the stately old elms, Jessica's heart ached with longing for the young Randolph. She could best be described as a prize thoroughbred; swift, hot-blooded, and highly responsive to the whip. And yet, Randolph was her equal, a raging stallion. To call him merely virile would be to damn with faint praise. Jessica remembered that exciting interlude in his garden when he'd suddenly appeared through the hedge. "Wench, you make my blood boil," he whispered, he whispered passionately. "Ever since I first laid eyes on your silken limbs and your ripe, golden bosom, I vowed to make you mine." Jessica knew in her woman's heart, that if it weren't for Lord Cheevers' cold-blooded murder, she'd be standing before the panting Randolph, her flimsy black negligee in tatters, her nakedness a golden-tinted paradise illuminated only by flickering candlelight.' (There is a pause in the reading here as Charles and Margaret glance nervously at each other. 'It's just amazing how much heat one of those things (a candle) can give off,' says Charles, as he loosens up his coat.) 'Rendering under this towering Caesar of the maiden's boudoir, that which is rightfully Caesar's! In her mind's eye, Jessica saw him aflame with passion, unable to bridle his all-consuming lust he moved toward here nearer and nearer...'

It's at this point that Margaret shouts, 'Major stop! I'll read the rest myself!' Charles is perplexed, wondering why Margaret would want him to stop reading at this climactic moment. 'But he's unbridled!' Shouts Charles. This is precisely why Margaret wants Charles to stop. Margaret seemingly does not want Charles himself to become 'unbridled'. As Charles gets up to leave, Margaret bids him good night. Charles responds, 'Good night, Jessica.'

Answer: Homer Butterfield

The Reverend Homer Butterfield is the culprit, according to BJ. 'He's not a real reverend,' says BJ, 'Don't you remember how confused he became on scriptures the day of the foxhunt?' Hawkeye responds incredulously, 'That was after he fell off the horse. Besides he's nearly 90!' BJ retorts with a chuckle, 'He says he's nearly 90. But can you expect the truth from a madman who's already killed eleven people, two pigs and a canary?'

BJ later announces that it couldn't have been Butterfield, he was at sea. Later, BJ theorizes that it was not butterfield but the nephew Randolph Armbruster.

Answer: Curare

Curare, a substance which paralyzes the muscles, is the substance Charles injects into the poor patient. Hawkeye and BJ arrive and immediately go to work on reversing the effects of the curare, providing the patient with prostigmin and atropine. Meanwhile, Charles stands nearby complaining about the darkness and suggesting that if the poor man were to die 'it would be the worst thing that ever happened to me'.

Answer: Sydney, Australia

BJ finds Agnes Porterfield's address in the book jacket, she has been living in Sydney for 60 years (and is now 97 years old). He is able to make contact with her via the phone, and asks her has committed the murder. Ms. Porterfield announces that the culprit is Mr. Cheever's stepson, Avery Updike.

It seems that there were too many people between himself and his inheritance (35 people in total), and he was planning to kill them all.

Answer: No

Even Ms. Porterfield's answer to the mystery is incorrect, at least, according to Colonel Potter. Avery Updike was apparently locked in a closet when the murder took place. Alas, we will never know who murdered poor Sir Winslow.

Anyhow, does it really matter? No...what matters is that you played, and hopefully enjoyed, this quiz. Thank you for playing...please feel free to try some of my other stuff.