"M*A*S*H" - "Five O'Clock Charlie" Quiz

Answer: the Bible fund

A flustered Radar responds "Oh, me too," realizes his mistake, and awkwardly looks elsewhere while Father Mulcahy finishes writing his name and bet (on 40 yards). Unfortunately for the Bible fund, 40 yards was not the lucky distance.

Answer: a golf club

Hawkeye gets excellent mileage out of the golf club; it not only supports him on the short walk to the ammo dump, but is useful for intimidating Frank and pointing at Charlie. Trapper and Hawkeye also carry martinis, of course.

Answer: astigmatism

An astigmatism is a defect in the shape of the eyeball, in which the eye is shaped more like an American football than like a sphere. Since it causes distorted and blurry vision, it's a reasonable diagnosis for Charlie, who shows up at 5 o'clock every day to drop a bomb on the ammo dump ... and misses by dozens of yards every time.

Answer: Himself, since he has "some gunnery experience" from the R.O.T.C.

Frank can be extremely persistent! During Henry's phone call with General Clayton (who wants to know how his bet turned out), he presents the Colonel with a book turned to the page of the gun he wants. Unfortunately, the book is turned upside down, so Henry inadvertently requests a "nug". General Clayton agrees to visit the 4077th the next day, to assess the situation.

Answer: Hot Lips Houlihan

Frank really does want to discuss the gun with the General, but Clayton has eyes only for Hot Lips. Apparently he has frequent "discussions" with her -- every time he visits the 4077th, in fact. They agree to meet in private later that night.

Answer: Because Charlie bombs the General's jeep.

It's fortunate that the jeep is unoccupied! Charlie isn't aiming for the Jeep, of course, but anything remotely in the area of his target is in danger. Clayton had previously ignored the argument that there was a war on -- "I read the papers," he told Frank -- but now it's personal.

Answer: 3

Frank names one the platoon leader, one the squad leader, and the third is, well, the squad. He also shows off his talent for casual racism here, while lecturing the platoon about Charlie's weaknesses: "The enemy, very foolishly, attacks at the same time every day.

There is no element of surprise! The man does not possess an ounce of cleverness, which shows you the limitation of Korean thinking ..." Cue a bemused look from the Korean platoon leader, who we have just learned is fluent in English, French and Italian in addition to his native tongue.

Answer: a small plunger

This is a running gag throughout the episode: in the beginning, they replace Frank's pistol with a water gun (having sold the original gun in order to buy lawn chairs), and towards the end they replace it with a toy gun that displayed a "BANG!" flag when "fired". Frank is not amused, but this viewer sure is!

Answer: 48 sheets and 18 gallons of Mercurochrome

They take the sheets from a flustered Nurse Klein; she tries to insist that she can't possibly give them so many, but they tell her they've "just met four dozen amazing women". They use the sheets to make several large arrows pointing to the ammo dump; as a crowning touch they cover the dump itself with sheets, using the Mercurochrome to paint a gigantic bull's eye on the top.

Answer: Frank's soldiers accidentally destroy it with anti-aircraft fire meant for Charlie.

Although Hawkeye and Trapper have clearly marked the ammo dump for him, Charlie misses again and starts heading for home. Frank is frantically trying to help his soldiers aim and fire the anti-aircraft gun as Charlie retreats; Hawkeye "helpfully" confuses them by shouting random numbers as they try to get their bearings. Trapper, meanwhile, taunts Frank into giving the order to fire prematurely, despite the protests of the Korean platoon leader -- and there goes the ammo dump. I hope you've enjoyed this quiz even a hundredth as much as I enjoyed the episode!