A Deep Dive into Weirdo Cinema [2] Quiz

Answer: Death Spa

With the tagline "You'll sweat blood!", "Death Spa" never seemed to try to avoid leaning hard into the absurdity of their premise. In the film, the L.A.-set Starbody Health Spa starts to experience some downright grisly deaths while maintaining their clientele. As it's discovered, the place is being harassed by a literal witch, using the lack of security in the building's control room to wreak havoc. Somehow, this includes killing people with weight machines, bursting tiles in the shower, and spraying people with acid in the basement. The whole thing culminates at a costume party in the gym, and it's a bloodbath, naturally.

It's a deep-cut, sure, but this movie is schlocky '80's horror at its finest. A sushi bar in a gym? Is that not the perfect blend of bad ideas? Of particular note, watch for when the sushi fish, locked in the walk-in freezer (in a gym?), come to life to attack people. Fine art.

Answer: Stop-motion

Perhaps one of the more uncouth movies featuring the Manson murders (amongst a canon of truly tasteless ones), "Live Freaky! Die Freaky!" almost seems like a shock project devised to be problematic. Filmed almost entirely as stop-motion animation with crudely-constructed dolls, "Live Freaky! Die Freaky!" features the voice acting of several of the 2000s' key punk musicians including all three members of Green Day, Kelly Osbourne, and the Madden brothers of Good Charlotte. What resulted was an extremely graphic (violent and sexual) take on the true crime...buffered by truly inane song and dance numbers, one of which is an anti-environmental number involving 'Sharon Hate' singing and dancing on the hood of her moving car claiming she'd rather "strangle a tree than hug it."

This movie came at a weird time in punk history. In an era where "Jackass: The Movie" was running into sequels and skateboarding movies were on the downswing due to the advent of YouTube, it pulled in some of the most prevalent voices of that space and time. But yikes.

Answer: Cats

The movie I believe may have caused COVID-19, "Cats" is the type of trainwreck you may never be able to pull your mind off of, let alone your eyes. Created by "Les Miserables" director Tom Hopper, who previously won Best Director for "The King's Speech", and based on the classic Andrew Lloyd Webber musical of the same name, "Cats" prances immediately into the uncanny valley, creating a hyper-real version of London for an all-star cast that a viewer can somehow never manage to shake off. If you were a cat person before, you might not be after the movie.

Between Rebel Wilson (as Jennyanydots) tearing off her own fur to reveal a dance outfit underneath and Idris Elba insisting he's got PLENTY of soul, it also helps (I'm joking) to note that all the actors attended 'Cat Lessons' before the movie to get a better understanding of how to act the parts onscreen. That's all well and good until you realize it involves Judi Dench, as Old Deuteronomy, flexibly stretching her leg out with utter seriousness, and then informing the audience that "a cat is NOT a dog."

The movie's about a group of cats vying to be 'the Jellicle choice' by proving themselves through, song, dance, magic, kidnapping other cats and placing them out on the Thames, and spoken word, but that's kind of hard to make sense of...especially when you're watching Jennifer Hudson floating out over London in a chandelier hot-air balloon that blips out in the sun. It's wild. I recommend it wholly.

Answer: M. Night Shyamalan

Based on the beloved animated series "Avatar: The Last Airbender", the less-specifically-named "The Last Airbender" follows the first season of the show, chronicling the introduction of Aang and his time with new companions Katara and Sokka in the Water Kingdom. The real clincher here might be that, of all people, M. Night Shyamalan was the person attached to the project. Known for a declining track record (at the time) that started with high-profile, well-received 'thrillers with a twist' and heading into B-movie horror and fantasy, his eye for highly-regarded adaptation didn't seem to be open. All expectations of sequels to round out the story were squashed when the film managed to do well at the box office but attained a meagre 5% Rotten Tomatoes score.

So bad was the film that it was nominated for eight Razzies, winning five, including Worst Picture and Worst Eye-Gouging Mis-Use of 3D.

Answer: Spy Kids

Following "The Island of Lost Dreams" and preceding the "All the Time in the World", "Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over" (2003) was intended to be the end of the franchise, at least under Robert Rodriguez, since his main stars, Alexa Vega and Daryl Sabara, were rapidly aging out of the characters. Their swan song was meant to be this massive 3-D outing in which Juni (Sabara) searches for his sister in the world of evil supervillain 'The Toymaker', played by Sylvester Stallone. Rodriguez manages to pull out all the stops cast-wise, bringing back several actors from the first two films and introducing new ones...but a fourth movie would still come out in 2011.

Rodriguez would continue to experiment with 3-D filmmaking in "The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D" two years later (in 2005). Of particular note is the fact that the majority of "Game Over" features green screen use-- after all, most of it is in a video game. You have to keep in mind that these kids are effectively acting at...nothing.

Additionally, Stallone would win a Razzie for his role in this film-- his tenth Razzie of all time, having also won 'Worst Actor of the Decade' in 1990. He would go on to with the Razzie Redeemer Award in 2016.

Answer: Tenth

By the time a new century rolled around, Jason Voorhees would reach his tenth film and be jetted off into space. Managing to get cryogenically frozen, he's unwittingly awakened in the year 2455 in this film, where he does his thing in a spaceship, attaining bio-enhancements and being pretty much unstoppable by the time the film reaches its climax. Notorious for jumping the shark (if it didn't before, that is), "Jason X" is considered by many to be one of the lesser-quality major franchise horror sequels. Fortunately it was followed up by "Freddy vs. Jason" before Platinum Dunes rebooted the franchise altogether.

The film would also be one of the last instances where the Jason of the '90s, Kane Hodder, would play the role. Often considered the face of Jason (despite the mask), he would go on to act in numerous horror films over the years, being prominently featured as Victor Crowley in "Hatchet".

Then again, there's nothing quite like watching a head get frozen in liquid nitrogen and smashed on a table. You know. Which happens? Apparently it doesn't-- the guys from "Mythbusters" disproved it eight years after the movie released.

Answer: Manos: Hands of Fate

Made on next to no budget, "Manos: Hands of Fate" managed to eke its way into a cult classic position after appearing on "Mystery Science Theater 3000". It has since become known as one of the worst films of all time for a myriad of reasons. For instance, the creators forgot to place the opening credits into the film; the footage-- a lot of it...about nine-minutes-worth-- of a car driving on empty roads is accompanied by no text. Most of the film, featuring non-actors in the main roles, was shot at night with next to no lighting. One of the characters is massaged to death.

Frequently found at the bottom of the IMDB rankings, "Manos: Hands of Fate" is the type of film to attract viewers of oddities. It doesn't completely fall into the so-bad-it's-good camp, but it is a fascinating watch for anyone looking to know how bad it can be. A sequel, "Manos Returns", was released in 2018, fifty-two years after the original, with some of the cast reprising their roles. It, like the first, was made for about $19,000 USD.

Answer: Zydrate

Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman who had, to date, only directed "Saw II", "Saw III", and "Saw IV", "Repo! The Genetic Opera" was built up to be much more in the horror community before, unfortunately, flopping on theatrical release. A rock opera at its heart, the story follows a cast of people in the year 2056, a time in history when organ transplants are not only all-the-rage, but essential for a world of people plagued by an epidemic that shuts down bodily organs. Much of the story centres around the events happening in and around GeneCo, and that involves uncovering the secrets of Zydrate, the truth behind the organ racket, and the story behind Alexa Vega's character (and her repo-man father).

On the other side of mixed critical reception, "Repo!" still managed to retain a cult audience due to its stylized weirdness and surprisingly-stacked cast including Sarah Brightman, Anthony Stewart Head, and Paris Hilton (who won Worst Supporting Actress for this in the same year she won for Worst Actress in "The Hottie and the Nottie"). The song "Zydrate Anatomy", one of the more popular tracks from the film, was put up for Oscar contention but failed to make the cut.

Answer: Southland Tales

And what a weird movie it is. Coming off of the cult classic "Donnie Darko", this lengthy film covers a lot of ground, taking a black-comedy approach to everything from consumerism to the military-industrial complex to justice and on and on, all set against the backdrop of a just-outside-of-reality Los Angeles as it faces impending doom. How, you might ask, considering all that? Well...there's a rift in space and time.

Lost? For two and two-thirds hours, you might find that's the case a lot, especially when you have the likes of Jon Lovitz, Bai Ling, Mandy Moore, Miranda Richardson, and more popping in and out in substantial-enough roles that you can't keep track.

For those that did see it in the theatres, they're part of a very small club-- the movie made just under $400,000 USD and cost $17,000,000. Amongst those who saw it in a theatre were the critics at the Cannes Film Festival, most of whom did not like it. One critic wrote ""Southland Tales" was so bad it made me wonder if [Kelly] had ever met a human being."

Answer: Zombeavers

The title certainly doesn't mask the plot, does it? Created by comedian Jordan Rubin, "Zombeavers" is the type of intentional B-movie that strikes the balance between 'going whole-hog' and 'knowing full well what it's doing is insane'. Naturally it features zombie beavers, but it also features people in a log cabin (note the wood) having to survive against (un-)nature's most fearsome, bitey foes.

The film ended up premiering at the Tribeca Film Festival in 2014 and, subsequently, reviewed quite well despite being the type of niche film that only draws horror moviegoers. It's at least worth checking out to see how they extrapolate on the obvious. A bit of a spoiler-- there are more animals out there in the woods!