The Wit, Irony and Sarcasm of Australian Nicknames Quiz

Answer: Blue

Just about anyone who has red hair will be called "Blue" sometime in their life if they are an Australian. Australians have a real propensity for naming people with the opposite attribute to the physical attribute that is "highlighted". 'Ginger', 'Sunburn' and 'Angry' all imply 'red' so these names are not suitable as they are too obvious. 'Blue' is opposite to 'red' so is the obvious choice. Anyone named 'Curly' is bald and 'Lofty' is for shorter people. 'Rowdy' is for shy people - I am sure you are getting the idea.

In Australia, when Richard Branson wanted a name for his new Virgin airline, he held a competition for the best name. Seeing the planes were painted a bright red, the winner was the person who named the company "Virgin Blue".

Answer: Spit

The Australian sense of humour is poorly understood by our overseas visitors. It is probably grounded in Cockney rhyming slang, as most of the early convicts came from London. Throw in the Australian penchant for egalitarianism, and it starts getting clearer why the Australian lexicon is peppered with wit, irony and sarcasm. So when Spit first came into our group, he was a very big man, about 140kg or 310 lbs. He came up to us, thrust out his hand and said, "G'Day, I'm Tiny". "Of course you are", I replied, "but we already have a Tiny in this mob". (He was big, too of course) There was a short uncomfortable silence. He hadn't offered his real name (which we believe is Tim but we cannot confirm). Daggy (Short for Dagwood - he had blond hair), saved the day in classic Aussie understatement, with the quip, "You don't look like you spit out a lotta food". Spit smiled because he knew he has been accepted into the group and christened at the same time.

Piggy, Keg and Coal Train all imply large size, so are not suitable. We do have a 'Piggy' in our group but it's because he is always breaking his glasses (Like Piggy in Golding's "Lord of the Flies")
Also...
Not being the smallest member of the group, but more the 2XL type, in 1992 I started at a new workplace where there were other 'Nick's. 'Big Nick' was 60 kg or 130 lbs wringing wet; 'Little Nick' was at least 130 kg (280lbs) so there was a brief hiatus until 'Slim Nick' was conferred. I lost the name when I lost weight.

Answer: The Pill

By elimination: A Pokie is a poker (slot) machine; a sanger is a sandwich (naturally!) and a Seppo is an American (Yank rhymes with septic tank. drop the last two syllable and add an "o"). This was very popular in Australia in WWII when many American soldiers fighting the Pacific war were stationed in Australia. These terms are called hypocoristics (endearing diminutives) and Australia has more than 2500 of them, more than any other English speaking nation.

This leaves "The Pill". So in his job as a VTC (as it is obviously known), our mate "manages the berths", which is corrupted either intentionally or not as "manages the births", which became Contraceptive Pill which became The Pill. "The Pill" as a name does not feel right so it became "Pill" which you can't do anything with, so he became "Swallow" . I am sure you can figure it out. (For those of you who need closure, I rang Swallow as I wrote this quiz: his real name is Peter, used only by his Mum).

Answer: Whisper

In Australia, if you go out for drinks in a group, then everybody buys one round, called a "Shout". Not paying when it's your shout is extremely poor form, and will result in being ostracised from said group. These days with drink-driving seen as another social faux pas (besides being dangerous), it is possible to split the group into smaller groups to reduce the number of rounds that need to be made but everybody buys one round - no exceptions. Whisper (real name forgotten) "earned" his nickname because he "forgot" to shout once (that's all it takes), so instantly became "Whisper". We did forgive him eventually and then he became known as "Careless" because he was always spilling his drink (while sober!). Unlike most Australian nicknames this seems a bit obvious with not a hint of wit, irony or sarcasm. If I told you Whisper earned his second nickname in 1984, you might recognize the connection. That was the year George Michael released "Careless Whisper".

In Australia we might forgive you if you miss a shout but we will never forget. Careless hasn't missed a shout since before 1984 but that legacy lingers on.

Answer: Waltzing

Waltzing Matthew Elder does not make sense but Waltzing Matt Elder ("Waltzing Matilda") certainly does, being a quintessential Australian song and poem. There was a Newcastle Rugby league player called Matthew Hilder. He was also always known as "Waltzing". Actually the correct pronunciation in Australian is "Waltzin'" as we refuse to move our lips when speakin'.

Another person with a "prequel" to their real name as a nickname is former test cricketer Len Pascoe. He became "LP" after his initials, which became "disc" as in long playing disc (an album), which then morphed into "Slipped a disc", which was too long so became, finally, "Slipta".

Answer: Cyclone

Anybody's name that ends in "en", "rry" or "ry" is going to have the name ending changed to "zza" (e.g."Bazza" - Barry, "Gazza" - Gary, "Dazza" - Darren).
To get the next name you have to know a bit of Australian history: On Christmas Day 1974, Cyclone Tracy blew down most of the city of Darwin - it was one of Australia's biggest natural disasters. Mr Tracy therefore soon after became "Cyclone". People who spell their name "Tracey" are ineligible for said treatment.

Answer: Artificial

Australians are quick to highlight physical differences in people. When we saw Steve (is that is real name? I really can't remember), he was with his three younger brothers and they were all tall, considerably taller than Artie who was somewhat vertically challenged. We all knew instantly his nickname would be derived from his lack of height. Sure enough it didn't take long. Over a few drinks one brave or foolish punter asked if Artie had been conceived by artificial insemination due to lack of genetic resemblance to his brothers. Straight away he became "Artificial", which, by the end of the night, had become "Artie", in the true Australian naming tradition of reducing a name to one syllable and adding "i" or "o" to the one syllable stub.

Answer: Always shows up after the work is done

A working bee is a big task that needs a whole swag of people to get it done such as building a shed, concreting a path and so on. It is customary in Australian that you invite your mates round to perform said task and the only payment required is a few cold beers at the end of the task. (Asking your mates to come round for a working bee and not providing cold refreshment afterwards strains relationships.) Someone who habitually shows up late for the task but always partakes in the liquid payoff is not an honorable person.

He is likely to be called Blister - always shows up when the work is done.

Answer: Aaron Baddely

Aaron Baddeley is an American-Australian who was born in the US but grew up in Australia where he displayed a talent for golf which took him to win major titles. If you insert the word "dresses" into his name you get "Aaron dresses Baddely". Only in Australia, would someone take the time to work that out. Once that became known to the rest of the Australian proletariat, every Aaron I knew became known as "Dresses" overnight.

Answer: Damian

DAMian becomes DAME-Ian which becomes Dame Edna (Everage), a quintessential name in Australian entertainment. Of course three syllables was too long, so "Dame" was dropped leaving "Edna". Over the years, Edna was one syllable too long and he became "Ed". Newcomers to our group assume his real name is Edward. Damian doesn't explain - it would take too long. That's Australia for you...