'Life of Brian': The Lame Details Quiz

Answer: Creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning

The exact line, 'Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me.' Mandy is a strange one, but she (played by Terry Jones) occasionally rifles off a bit of wit...essentially she is the same character as the old women who accompanies Dennis, the revolutionary peasant, from the 'Holy Grail'.

Answer: Myrrh

The key line here, 'And thanks a lot for the gold and frankincense, er, but don't worry too much about the myrrh next time.' Myrrh is after all just a balm, which Mandy doesn't seem extremely excited about. Actually, when told that myrrh is a balm she mistakenly believes it to be some sort of ferocious creature...like I said, strange!

Answer: Arms, legs, hands and feet

Accompanying the song we get to enjoy the fantastical cartoon creations of Terry Gilliam, two for the price of one!

Here's the entire song, in all its absurdity:

Brian. The babe they called 'Brian',
He grew,... grew, grew, and grew--
Grew up to be-- grew up to be
A boy called 'Brian'--
A boy called 'Brian'.
He had arms... and legs... and hands... and feet,
This boy... whose name was 'Brian',
And he grew,... grew, grew, and grew--
Grew up to be--

Yes, he grew up to be
A teenager called 'Brian'--
A teenager called 'Brian',
And his face became spotty.
Yes, his face became spotty,
And his voice dropped down low
And things started to grow
On young Brian and show
He was certainly no--
No girl named 'Brian',
Not a girl named 'Brian'.

And he started to shave
And have one off the wrist
And want to see girls
And go out and get pissed,
A man called 'Brian'--
This man called 'Brian'--
The man they called 'Brian'--
This man called 'Brian'!

Answer: Tea time

While the faithful listen intently to Jesus' speech, those who are less fortunately positioned have a difficult time hearing his famed sermon. This includes Mandy, who shouts irreverently, 'Speak up!' Brian's mum seems rather unenthusiastic about the sermon, and asks her son to accompany her to the local stoning.

Answer: Nose

The Eric Idle character, aka 'Mr. Cheeky', becomes annoyed by 'Mr. Big Nose' (Michael Palin) and his wife. Like Brian's mother, they can't hear what Jesus is saying, mistaking the word peacemaker for cheesemaker and meek for Greek. In the end, Mr. Big Nose punches another woman in the face and, sadly, Jesus' message is lost to this section of the crowd.

Answer: Matthias

Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath, to be more specific. Poor Matthias has committed the ultimate sin of saying 'Jehovah'. His precise quote, at dinner with his wife: 'That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.' A hanging offense, to be sure!

Answer: The crowd is made up largely of women

And everyone knows, women are forbidden to participate in stonings, even to this day.

Seriously, though, these women are looking for blood. The local merchants seem well aware that women are illegally joining the official stonings in the village, as they sell fake beards and variously-shaped rocks (pointed ones, flat ones and bags of gravel).

Answer: 3

Poor Matthias is hit in the head after his 'halibut' line, but that's his only encounter with a stone during the scene. One woman/man from the crowd (Michael Palin) and the official in charge of the stoning (John Cleese) each are stoned mercilessly for uttering the word 'Jehovah'. Let's hope I'm not stoned for typing the word in this quiz.

Answer: Jesus cured him

The ex-leper (Michael Palin) laments his condition by responding thusly to Brian's query regarding who cured his leprosy, 'Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business. All of a sudden, up he comes. Cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by your leave. 'You're cured mate.' Bloody do-gooder.'

Of course, the ex-leper doesn't want to become a leper again, a simple limp will do nicely.

Answer: Brian's father was a Roman

Of course, she really is a man, but is that so horrible? In all seriousness (and I must be serious for this quiz), Brian's last name is not really Cohen. His father was a Roman named Nortius Maximus who promised Brian's mum, among other things, slaves, asses' milk and as much gold as she could eat. Brian rejects his heritage, claiming himself proudly to be 'kosher' and a 'Red Sea pedestrian', among other things.

Thank you for joining me here. You are certainly welcome back for part two of this forty-seven part series on Monty Python's 'Life of Brian'.