William McGonagall, "The World's Worst Poet" Quiz

Answer: Dundee

McGonagall, in later life dubbed "The Bard of Dundee", was born in Edinburgh in 1825 (although he claims in his autobiography, "The Autobiography of Sir William Topaz McGonagall: Poet and Tragedian" that it was 1830). His parents were Irish and had come to Scotland to seek work in the dying industry of handloom weaving. Their stay in Edinburgh was brief, merely two years, before the encroaching mechanisation of the weaving process forced them to move on to seek work elsewhere. Paisley was the next destination, followed in quick succession by Glasgow and finally Dundee, where the family settled.

The young McGonagall was sent to work in a mill for four years before being removed to follow in his father's footsteps and be trained as a handloom weaver.

Answer: The Tay Rail Bridge Disaster

As McGonagall got older it became increasingly difficult to find work as a weaver; but a new career beckoned. He wrote, "I discovered myself to be a poet, which was in the year 1877". The calling came to him during holiday week; "I was ... lamenting to myself because I couldn't get to the Highlands on holiday to see the beautiful scenery, when all of a sudden my body got inflamed, and instantly I was seized with a strong desire to write poetry, so strong, in fact, that in imagination I heard a voice crying in my ears - "WRITE! WRITE!"

The muse had hold of him but had not guided him towards a subject matter. Eventually, he decided that his first verse was to be about the Rev'd George Gilfillan, a local preacher and poet. It was published in the "Weekly News". Flushed with instant success, McGonagall turned, for his second poem, to the magnificent edifice that was "The Railway Bridge of the Silvery Tay". His first poem about the bridge was unstinting in its praise;

'Beautiful railway bridge of the silvery Tay
That has caused the Emperor of Brazil to leave
His home far away, incognito in his dress,
And view thee ere he pass along en route to Inverness.'

Sadly just two years later, in December 1879, the bridge collapsed during a gale as a train was crossing. A total of seventy-five lives were lost in the accident (not ninety as McGonagall states). It was fitting that a poem should be written to commemorate the terrible events and McGonagall soon obliged with "The Tay Bridge Disaster". He believed lessons could be learned from the disaster;

"...your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

A new bridge was built upstream of the old bridge, opening in 1883. Not surprisingly, McGonagall soon immortalised this new bridge in verse in "An Address to the New Tay Bridge", commending the bridge's strong buttresses.

Answer: William Shakespeare

McGonagall considered Shakespeare to be the only poet in the English language to whom he could admit to being second best. How Shakespeare would have felt about McGonagall can, sadly, only be guessed at.

McGonagall's style, with its dogged clinging to rhyming couplets (however forced) and slightly less than classical approach to scansion, was applied to each of his subjects with great gusto. His "An Address to Shakespeare" was no exception. His admiration for his subject is apparent from the opening couplet:

"Immortal! William Shakespeare, there's none can you excel,
You have drawn out your characters remarkably well".

The poem can be read in full at http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/poems/mpgshakespeare.htm

Answer: Stanley

Sir Henry Morton Stanley's achievements were many-sided, including his expedition to find the Scottish missionary David Livingston, and worthy of celebration in verse. McGonagall, as ever, didn't disappoint, lauding his subject and in the process creating possibly the only poem in history to rhyme "discoveries" with "pygmies".

The lines quoted come from the poem, "A Tribute to Henry M. Stanley" which is published in the anthology "Poetic Gems". You can read the poem in full at http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/poems/pgstanley.htm

Answer: In the fight with Macduff, McGonagall refused to die

A commemorative article in "The Guardian" provides a rather fine description of the event:

'The show consisted of selected highlights rather than the entire play. On one occasion, repeating the duel with Macduff for a third time, by audience demand, McGonagall refused to go down, as obliged by the script, when his opponent ran him through with his sword ("Macbeth", V, viii). According to a review in the "Dundee People's Journal", Macbeth "maintained his feet and flourished his weapon about the ears of his adversary", continuing to cry, "Lay on, Macduff; / And damned be he that first cries 'Hold'". Damned, rather, be Shakespeare's stage direction that states, "Macbeth slain". Eventually, the reviewer in the "Journal" wrote, Macduff resolved the matter "in a rather undignified way by taking the feet from under the principal character".'

Answer: Nothing. He wasn't allowed in.

McGonagall had long held the dream of being appointed poet laureate and frequently sent poems to Queen Victoria. Purely on the strength of acknowledgment of receipt sent back from the Queen's secretary, McGonagall declared himself on his calling cards as "Poet, By Appointment to Her Majesty".

In June 1878, McGonagall was seized with an overwhelming need to read his poems in the presence of the Queen and thereby increase his chances of being appointed laureate on the (future) passing of the incumbent, Lord Tennyson. He set off from his Dundee home in sunny weather and walked 15 miles on the first day. On his departure from his lodgings on the second day of the journey, the weather turned against him, with thunderstorms and torrential rains. But our hero was not to be deterred, he carried on despite the conditions and covered a further thirteen miles that day.

On day three, McGonagall completed his pilgrimage and presented himself at the gates of the Queen's residence at Balmoral. On presenting his card to the guard at the gate, it was pointed out to him that he was not allowed to claim the Queen's patronage as that was given only to Lord Tennyson. The guard dismissed him, stating that he could not see the Queen without a letter of recommendation and that, should he return, he would be arrested.

After a brief rest and a meal at a lodging house, McGonagall turned round and walked back to Dundee.

Answer: All of these

In his reminiscences in the book "Poetic Gems", McGonagall wrote;

"My dear friends, if there were more theatres in society than public-houses, it would be a much better world to live in."

Who is to say that he doesn't have a point? However, McGonagall was more than happy to visit inns to perform and make his living. The downside being that he encountered more than his fair share of incidents from drunken (and sober) patrons, that he might best have avoided.

The story of "the first man who threw peas at me" does, as Billy Connolly once pointed out, beg the question of how popular this particular form of entertainment subsequently became.

Answer: By having a public house named after him

Something of an irony although not a surprising one given, as we discovered earlier, McGonagall's frequent performances in the inns of Dundee. His call to "entreat of you all, for God's sake and for the furtherance of Christ's kingdom, to abstain from all kinds of intoxicating liquor, because seldom any good emanates from it", was not often considered by his audiences.

Subsequent to the opening of the tavern, McGonagall has had a square in the West End of Dundee named after him and inscriptions of his poetry can be found around the city, particularly alongside the River Tay.

Answer: Spike Milligan

Fellow "Goon Show" stars, Milligan and Sellers, both appeared in the film; Milligan as McGonagall and Sellers as Queen Victoria. Milligan was a fan of the poet, creating a character called McGoonagall, who occasionally appeared in episodes of "The Goon Show".

The film, directed by Joseph McGrath, and scripted by the director and Spike Milligan himself, is loosely based around McGonagall's autobiography and particularly the story of the poet's trip to Balmoral.

Answer: Poet Laureate of the Silvery Tay

Only in death did McGonagall achieve the title of poet laureate. The title was bestowed by the "Dundee Courier" in a fond obituary following his death in September 1902. The article entitled "A Chequered Career" began;

"McGonagall, the poet laureate of the Silvery Tay, has departed this life. The sad event took place yesterday at his residence [in] Edinburgh. For nearly thirty years his name has been prominently before the public, according to his own opinion, as a poet, and from his pen have flowed abundance of efforts of various merits on almost every subject under the heavens".

The title that McGonagall himself preferred was somewhat different, as explained in another obituary in the "People's Journal" of Dundee.

'Probably the most momentous event in his life was being created "SIR WILLIAM TOPAZ McGONAGALL, Knight of the White Elephant, Burmah". This came upon him quite unexpectedly in the form of a long letter sent by order of the King of Burmah, together with a silver elephant. From that date the poet was a proud man, and adopted the full title as above. '

Sadly, the title was an entirely fictitious one, created and bestowed upon him by a group of local students as a hoax in 1894.