"Big Bang Theory": Cooperisms from Season 8 Quiz

Answer: All his belongings are stolen.

"The Locomotion Interruption" opens with Sheldon standing in the middle of the railway station in Kingman, Arizona in nothing but his underwear, a shirt, and one sock, trying to borrow a stranger's phone. "Allow me to explain," he says to the alarmed passenger. "Forty-five days ago, I embarked on a railroad journey of healing because my university was making me do string theory, and my favorite comic book store burned down, and when my roommate got engaged, my girlfriend wanted to move in with me, which was no doubt a ploy just to see my, well, excuse my language, but my bathing suit parts." He goes on to explain that all of his possessions were stolen while he was asleep in his sleeper car, but he only succeeds in driving everyone away. Sheldon has no choice but to call Leonard, who drives six hours to Arizona to collect him.

Leonard asks Amy along for the drive, which causes some embarrassment for Sheldon. "I called Leonard because I failed, and I didn't want you to think less of me," he explains to Amy, who is visibly surprised. "Sheldon, it's okay with me that you're not perfect," she says sincerely. "Amy just hurt my feelings," Sheldon tells Leonard once he is sure she cannot hear him. "I want to break up with her."

Answer: A promotion

In "The Junior Professor Solution", Sheldon is summoned to the office of Mrs. Davis to continue in their dialogue, and is surprised to be presented with a proposition. "Currently, you're being paid under a grant to specifically research string theory," explains Mrs. Davis. "If we promote you to junior professor, you'll be able to choose whatever field of research you'd like." Sheldon takes a moment to think about this, and realizes that as a professor he will have to teach a class. "So your solution is to promote me and pay me more money so that I can impart my knowledge to the next generation of scientists?" he asks. "Yes," replies Mrs. Davis. "You people are sick," Sheldon says, as he shakes his head sadly.

Sheldon eventually agrees to teach a class, but no one signs up for it because he has a reputation for being obnoxious. When Howard offers to take his class so that he can get his doctorate, Sheldon dismisses the idea, as he believes the class will go over his head. They each end up trying to prove the other wrong, with Sheldon working overtime to make his curriculum unnecessarily hard, and Howard behaving like the kind of student that Sheldon deserves. He ends up shooting a spitball straight into Sheldon's mouth, prompting Sheldon to report Howard to human resources for giving his uvula an STD.

Answer: Leonard and Penny

Leonard and Penny make the mistake of agreeing to a double date with Sheldon and Amy, and get caught up evaluating the strength of their relationship. As Sheldon asserts with Leonard, "The ranking of relationships in our circle by quality is me and Amy, Howard and Bernadette, Raj and his girlfriend, Penny and Chardonnay, Penny and you." When Leonard argues that the comparison is meaningless because relationships can't be quantified, Sheldon brings up the Relationship Closeness Inventory, a 25-year-old test developed to predict the stability of a couple. "Sheldon and I got an 8.2 out of 10," Amy adds proudly. Leonard and Penny disagree over whether they should take the test, and discover that they each harbor reservations about their compatibility. Eventually, Leonard changes his mind about taking the test. "It doesn't matter. I don't care if we're a ten or a two," he tells Penny. "Marriage is scary. You're scared, I'm scared. But it doesn't make me not want to do it. It, it just makes me want to hold your hand and do it with you."

"It would make me so happy if you said things like that," Amy says to Sheldon, trying to make the most of the touching moment. "We got an 8.2," Sheldon replies. "Trust me, you're happy."

Answer: The university basement

When Raj proposes that he and Sheldon should form a government-funded research team to conduct dark matter experiments in an abandoned salt mine, the pair decide to recreate the mine conditions in a simulated environment to see if they would be able to handle the expedition. Sheldon and Raj resolve to spend some time in the steam tunnels in the university basement, as Sheldon's research indicates that they most closely replicate the conditions in a mine, a decision which impresses Amy. "Well, admittedly, this brushes up against my well-known aversions to heat, small places, going below floor-level, dampness, hatches, ladders, darkness, echoes, and eliminating in Home Depot buckets," Sheldon explains. "That last one is quite new, but I have a feeling that's gonna rocket to the top of the list."

They set up their equipment to get their minds off their claustrophobia, start singing mining songs to keep their spirits up, and toy with the idea of watching "Hannah Montana" to pass the time, but the heat and confined space quickly begins to get to them. "I feel like I can't breathe, and I am tempted to crack you open and suck the air right out of your lungs," Sheldon confesses, before leaving Raj to fend off a group of rats. Total time spent in the basement: 11 minutes. "That's longer than I thought," Amy observes, still impressed.

Answer: The post-prom mating rituals

Sheldon really does seem open to experiencing the full prom experience at first. He dresses up in a tuxedo willingly, refuses to wear a clip-on tie, and even prepares a flask of pomegranate juice to spike the punch with. "I've decided to embrace all of the traditions associated with prom," he explains to Leonard. "Getting our picture taken, slow-dancing, being elected prom king. Pointing out that kings aren't elected. It's gonna be off the hook." Everything seems fine, until Leonard makes the mistake of telling Sheldon jokingly that "just because all your friends are having sex doesn't mean you have to". Sheldon becomes self-conscious and retreats to his bedroom, leaving Amy to check on him. "We're about to go to a prom," Sheldon explains, "And there's a great deal of pressure on young couples like us to engage in what Mr. Bob Eubanks called 'making whoopee'." Sheldon eventually admits to Amy that he panicked when he saw how pretty she looked, prompting Amy to assure him that there isn't any pressure for them to spend the night together. She adds, "There's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just, I want you to know that you don't have to say it back. I know you're not ready, and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates..."

"I love you, too," Sheldon volunteers, interrupting her. "There's no denying I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite, but that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love." Amy starts hyperventilating so Sheldon advises her to lie down with her feet elevated, causing Amy to rush towards his bed. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," Sheldon declares, stopping Amy dead in her tracks. "Just because I love you doesn't mean girls are allowed in my room."

Answer: Sheldon

In "The Septum Deviation", Sheldon can't understand why Leonard would subject himself to the risks of surgery to correct a condition that isn't life-threatening. "I've been doing some research," he informs Leonard, "and I've learned that 1 in 700,000 people die from general anesthesia." When Leonard points out that "699,999 people don't die", Sheldon concedes the truth of his statement. "You're such a glass half-full kind of guy," he says. "I'm going to miss that."

Sheldon can't stop worrying, and works out that Leonard's arteries are "just one shaky scalpel away from becoming the dancing fountain at Disneyland" if the surgeon is epileptic, and that he can "practically guarantee" his death if he has the surgery during monsoon season in Nicaragua, provided the drive to the hospital or an asteroid strike doesn't kill him first. Leonard tricks Sheldon by having him believe that he is going swimming instead of having the surgery, but Sheldon gets the truth out of Amy and rushes to the hospital. "I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to him and I wasn't at his bedside to say 'I told you so'," he explains. When a tremor hits and the lights go out in the hospital waiting room, Sheldon overreacts and rushes towards the operating theaters and ends up running straight into a glass door. The episode ends with Leonard coming out of his surgery without any complications, and Sheldon sporting matching bandages on his nose. When Sheldon gets teased about being overly attached to Leonard, Amy remarks that Sheldon will move out of the apartment eventually. "Yeah," Penny says, "once he figures out how to work a door."

Answer: Buy her a Christmas present

Sheldon and Amy had agreed not to exchange any gifts this year, which makes his plan all the more diabolical. "She knows that I don't like Christmas, and yet, every year, she forces me to celebrate it," he complains to Bernadette. "Not only am I going to this foolish dinner against my will, at the Christmas tree lot, there was mistletoe, and she kissed me under it in public, like we were the stars of a Tijuana sex show." He decides that a lesson is in order. "It'd have to be something heinous, something that makes her as miserable as she's making me. Oh, I've got it," he says. "I'm going to buy her a present." Bernadette appears confused by this, prompting Sheldon to explain. "With gift-giving, there's an implied social contract. If I show up tonight with a present, and she doesn't have one for me, she'll feel terrible," he says. "Maybe she'll feel so guilty, she'll never make me celebrate the holidays again."

Bernadette tells Sheldon that the perfect gift should show how well he knows Amy. "Let's see," he says. "She loves medieval literature, Chaucer's her favorite. And her eyes sparkle when she watches old French movies. I enjoy how harp music causes her fingers to dance as if she's playing along." Bernadette comments that he really does love Amy, to which Sheldon replies, "I do. Now, let's find the kind of gift that makes her feel small and worthless."

Sheldon eventually settles on a framed photo of him sitting on Santa's lap, which Amy just adores. His plan backfires when it turns out that Amy didn't keep to their agreement, and made him a batch of his Meemaw's Christmas cookies using her recipe. "They're perfect," he says in amazement. "It tastes like her hugs." Sheldon seems to be having some sort of epiphany, as he says, "I can't believe this. You're happy, I'm happy. Maybe a holiday that's all about giving isn't so..." Just then, his train of thought is interrupted by Raj trying to help himself to a cookie. "Get your hand out of that box," Sheldon says, as he slaps Raj's arm away.

Answer: compromise

In "The Space Probe Disintegration", Penny and Amy complain that they never get to do anything they enjoy, so Sheldon and Leonard find themselves waiting for the girls in a boutique changing room without any Wi-Fi or cell reception, with Sheldon's chair facing the lingerie section ("Boy, that's a lot of panties."). When Leonard remarks that it's only fair that they let the girls choose what to do now and again, he gets into an argument with Sheldon over how willing he is at making compromises. "If there's one thing I know about after living with you for so many years, it's how to compromise," Sheldon says, before detailing the different ways in which he makes concessions with Leonard every day. He lets Leonard drive him to work every day even though Amy taught him how to drive, because it gives his life purpose, and he wishes the apple pancake mix was on the top shelf along with the other items whose names begin with 'a', but he doesn't put it there so that Leonard can reach it to make his breakfast. "Oh, yes," he recalls. "Just yesterday, you had a big piece of lettuce stuck in your teeth at lunch. Did I say anything? No. I compromised and kept my mouth shut."

All this naturally makes Leonard furious, and he begins to detail the very real ways in which he makes compromises for Sheldon. "Do you realize I don't live with the woman I love because of you? No other reason. Just you," Leonard says to Sheldon, who quickly becomes genuinely upset over the thought of his best friend moving out. "I'm not leaving your world," Leonard says, tenderly. "I'm just talking about living across the hall." In a rare moment, Sheldon has a breakthrough and acknowledges how difficult he can be, and thanks Leonard for putting up with him. In the end, they reach a true compromise, with Sheldon agreeing to Leonard staying over at Penny's one night a week. The episode ends with Leonard in bed in Penny's apartment, remarking to her how proud he is of Sheldon, and Sheldon shushing them from Penny's living room couch as he tries to fall asleep.

Answer: Productive anxiety

In "The Anxiety Optimization", Sheldon talks to Penny about how she keeps doing a workout that she hates because it makes her work harder, and comes to the realization that the reason he's in a rut with his research is because his surroundings are too comfortable. "According to a classic psychological experiment by Yerkes and Dodson, in order to maximize performance, one must create a state of productive anxiety," he explains to the guys. "So I'd like to ask you all to do something for me. Keep me on my toes. Just throw me off my game. Essentially, go out of your way to make my life miserable."

Sheldon gets Amy to irritate him in order to determine his "optimal anxiety zone", and he asks the guys to disagree with whatever he says to keep him on his toes. He even tries crashing an evening with the girls, because he thinks that partaking in "senseless crotch talk" is an ideal way to elevate his anxiety levels. He wakes Leonard up in the middle of the night with an awful racket. "I need to keep my anxiety at the right level, so I'm using Darth Vader, the Joker, and Godzilla's roar to keep me in that sweet spot," he explains. "I tried including Taylor Swift in the mix, but turns out I love her." Sheldon takes things too far by becoming all consumed in his efforts to maintain his anxiety levels, and finally crashes after staying up for days making everyone around him miserable. Penny and Leonard resort to singing "Soft Kitty" to get him to go to bed. After turning out the light, Leonard remarks to Penny, "You know, he can be a lot of trouble, but when I see him lying here asleep like this, I just think how easy it would be to hold a pillow over his face."

Answer: Stephen Hawking

Sheldon is so impressed with Leonard's idea that he not only gives him a sticker of a kitty saying "me-wow", he writes a paper credited to the both of them and posts it online. It isn't long before their paper starts generating comments on a quantum physics message board calling them "insightful", "innovative" and "out-of-the-box thinkers".

Not all the comments are positive, though. An anonymous poster who calls himself 'General Relativity' describes their idea as "meaningless or false", and calls them "crackpot wannabe theoreticians in a rush to publish".

Sheldon can't help but stoop to his level, and an online flame war ensues. "My good sir, we are neither crackpots nor wannabes," Sheldon replies in the comments section. "In fact, we are experts in our fields. And while you hide behind your anonymity, we stand behind our paper. And later tonight, your mother." General Relativity responds by calling them juvenile and denigrates Cal Tech, which prompts Sheldon to challenge him to meet them in person.

The unknown poster tries to start a Skype session with them, but they panic and ignore the call. When they realize that they have no reason to hide from this anonymous troll, they call him back to confront him, only to discover Stephen Hawking on the other end of the chat session. Professor Hawking reveals that he actually liked their paper very much, and found the premise to be "intriguing". When Sheldon asks him why he attacked them, Hawking replies, "If you were sitting in a chair for 40 years, you'd get bored, too. Anyway, got to go. I promised to help the neighbor kid with his math homework. Ciao."