Say What, Goalpost Head? Quiz | Red Dwarf

Quiz Answer Key and Fun Facts

1. Who said, 'I have the perfect solution; a waterproof pogo stick'?

Answer: Kryten

Kryten had been re-programmed and was filming the women in the showers for the inmates. This quote was an attempt to have some 'jiggling' in the showers. The episode was 'Krytie TV'.

2. 'Look, they're only interior doors. They're only a light alloy. Maybe we could get through them if we use a battering ram. All we need is something, say, I dunno, six foot long, fairly sturdy, with a flat top' was said by whom?

Answer: Lister

All of the electrics in Red Dwarf were down, and the crew were working out how to get back to the Science Room. They used Kryten as a battering ram. The episode was 'White Hole'.

3. Who said 'You mean we spent the night crawling through one end of this ship to God knows where and back for absolutely no reason?'?

Answer: Cat

Lister, Cat and Kochanski were all angry that they had spent hours crawling around the ducts, but Cat was the one to speak it aloud. The episode was 'Duct Soup'.

4. 'I am a fish' was SAID by whom?

Answer: Lister

Lister is telling Rimmer that he heard from Petersen that Rimmer had written this on his examination paper. The episode is 'The End'.

5. Who said 'Go for your guns you scum sucking mollascs'?

Answer: Kryten

This was during the highly acclaimed western sequence, when Kryten had at last found the antidote to the virus with which the computer had been infected. He was challenging the gunmen with these words. The episode was 'Gunmen of the Apocalypse'.

6. 'There are some numbers next to it, but they could be anything' was said by whom?

Answer: Rimmer

Rimmer has been celebrating his death-day and was unable to read the clock, but for the fact it was Saturday. The episode was 'Thanks for the Memory'.

7. Who said 'I hate to say it, but for once TransAm-wheel-arch-nostrils is right. Come on, get moving!'?

Answer: Cat

The Inquisitor had eliminated Lister and Kryten from memory, but they had escaped with their lives. Meeting up with Cat and Rimmer, they are horrified to find that they had never existed; the Cat was agreeing with Rimmer when he said, 'Look, they're from some freaky alternative dimension, they've come here to hijack this ship and do... oooh, weird things to us. I think we should take the lift, put them on the security deck and stick them in the brig.' The episode was 'The Inquisitor'.

8. 'Well, in broad terms, I get the front seat in the cockpit, and you're in charge of the laundry!' was said by whom?

Answer: Kryten

Starbug was hit by an 'unreality bubble' and the crew all believed that Lister was a mechanoid. Being only a 3000 series, he was technically under Kryten who was a 4000 series. Kryten made the most of it, downgrading Lister to the domestic duties while he took Lister's place in the cockpit. The episode was 'Out of Time'.

9. Who said, 'I think you missed a bit up your left nostril, sir.'?

Answer: Rimmer

Captain Hollister had just told Rimmer and Lister about what had happened after the dinosaur had eaten cow vindaloo, two and a half tons of mint-choc ice-cream, four hundred crates of orange ice-pops and two thousand gallons of cola. According to Rimmer the twelve baths and three showers were not enough to eradicate the evidence. The episode was 'Pete part 2'.

10. 'Don't give me the 'Star Trek' crap. It's too early in the morning' was said by whom?

Answer: Lister

Kryten was being very 'Mr Spock' about Lister's insistance that they would help him against his replacement, saying, 'But you would not profit by it. You would gamble your safety for a mere android? Is this the human value you call "friendship?"'. Lister responded by telling him that it was too early in the morning for that kind of talk. The episode was 'The Last Day'.

11. Who said, 'His tidiness drove me crazy, the way he used to eat his food in alphabetical order; the way he only ever used three pieces of toilet paper: one up, one down, and one to polish.'?

Answer: Lister

Lister was beginning to miss Rimmer(!) and was telling Cat about him. The episode was 'Blue'.

12. 'My god! Well, I was only away two minutes!' was said by whom?

Answer: Kryten

Kryten had been serving the crew of the Nova 5 for centuries, regardless of the fact that they had turned into skeletons! When Lister, Rimmer and the Cat came on board they had to persuade him that they were dead, and this quote comes just as Kryten returns having brought refreshments, and was told that they were dead.

He went on to ask if Rimmer was a doctor! The episode was 'Kryten'.

13. Who said 'Two dozen eight-packs and a spare pair of sneakers in the ice-box. Faultless! Not an inch wasted.'?

Answer: Lister

Lister was checking out the contents of the fridge in the quarters that had been prepared for him by Legion; this perfect fridge was in addition to the sugar-puff sandwiches, posters, juke box and a steel guitar. The episode was 'Legion'.

14. 'Things to remember: Stop milk, pay papers, invade Czechoslovakia' was said by whom?

Answer: Kryten

Lister had just stolen Hitler's briefcase while in a photograph with him. Kryten was translating his diary! The episode was 'Timeslides'.

15. Who said 'Are you telling me this guy belonged to a video club and he needed a card so they'd recognise him? He's got six eyes and three noses. If it were me, I'd remember him.'?

Answer: Rimmer

The crew had found a three-headed skeleton and Rimmer was astonished to find that he had a video club card on him. The episode was 'DNA'.

16. 'Move an inch and I'll crush every bone in your body' was said by whom?

Answer: Kryten

The crew were under the influence of a hallucinogenic venom from a giant squid. Kryten believed he was a policeman and was defending a small child when he said this. The episode was 'Back to Reality'.

17. Who said 'Now all the corpses that litter that battlefield can just lie there safe under the knowledge that they snuffed it under a flag of peace and can now happily decompose in a land of freedom.'?

Answer: Lister

Lister said this after Rimmer boasted that every single wax-droid on the planet had been killed in his war, but that victory had been won. As a punishment, he then swallowed Rimmer's light-bee and asked for a vindaloo. The episode was 'Meltdown'.

18. 'My body is available! Please form a queue! No squabbling! This is your lucky day!' was said by whom?

Answer: Cat

Cat was performing his mating ritual - on roller skates with a bunch of flowers - to woo anyone who turned up. The episode was 'Me2'.

19. Who said 'Eeeerrrrrr, sore throat, er, sore throat. Er, um, bug going round, a holographic virus. But it affects humans too. Arnie's got it. I've quarantined him for twenty-four hours; no one's to go near him.'?

Answer: Rimmer

Ace had used the remote for the light bee to change Rimmer into Ace before he was fully trained, and then he died. Kryten came in at that moment and detected that all was not as it ought to be with him (he looked like Ace), and this was Rimmer's reply. The episode was 'Stoke me a Clipper'.

20. 'We have been everywhere. Fourteen moons, two planets. I've been so worried - I haven't buffed my shoes in two days' was said by whom?

Answer: Cat

Lister and Rimmer had been marooned for some time, and Cat told them this as he and Kryten found them. It was very un-Cat-like at the time as Cat was incredibly selfish, and the idea of not buffing his shoes for even an hour was unthinkable. The episode was 'Marooned'.

21. Who said 'So, let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato People and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you are completely sane?!'?

Answer: Rimmer

Rimmer had contracted the mutated holo-virus and was barking mad. In a position of power, having put Lister, Kryten and the Cat in quarantine, he was teasing them into saying that they would fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato People, and then turned it around to say they were nuts. The episode was 'Quarantine'.

22. 'Not your longjohns either' was said by whom?

Answer: Kryten

Kryten was translating the Gelf's conversation, and was answering Lister's enquiries as to what the Gelf wanted in return for the OG Unit. The Gelf actually wanted Lister to be in son-in-law. The episode was 'Emohawk - Polymorph II'.

23. Who said 'Would you steal verruca cream from a man with no feet?'?

Answer: Rimmer

Rimmer was complaining that Lister had taken his clothes, and used this as a come-back when Lister told him that he did not need them any more as he was dead. The episode is 'Waiting for God'.

24. 'Yee-es! I'm a sex beast!' was said by whom?

Answer: Lister

Lister was reading out a quiz from a women's magazine, and was delighted to read that he was a 'foxy lady: sexy, sensual and you don't mind showing it'. The episode was 'Queeg'.

25. Who said 'Don't I know you, sir? Wayne . . . Wayne something. Wayne Wibbley? Where do I know you from?'?

Answer: Kryten

Krytens' factory settings were restored, and the sight of Cat dressed as Duane Dibbley reminded him of better things with corrupted files. The episode was 'Back in the Red part 2'.

Source: Author ArleneRimmer

This quiz was reviewed by FunTrivia editor ladymacb29 before going online.
Any errors found in FunTrivia content are routinely corrected through our feedback system.

Say What, Goalpost Head? Trivia Quiz

'Say What, Goalpost Head?' . . . to quote Cat! But who spoke the immortal words below?

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