Absurd French 148 Trivia Quiz

Answer: The pink duck swims in the pond at midnight with the otter.

La mare is the pond. The badger is "le blaireau".
Les otaris or les phoques are seals. Nager is to swim of course, neiger is to snow. La mer is the sea. Noon is midi. This one makes a good code for a secret rendezvous.

Answer: My uncle Joseph's poodle Marcel is really smoking too much these days.

Fumer is to smoke of course. Un poisson rouge is a goldfish.
If you've always wanted to know this, they do give out goldfish at carnivals as prizes in France, and no, the dog the French currently prefer (as of 2002) is not the poodle, it's a tie between several breeds including Labradors, German shepherds (bergers allemands) and West Highland Terriers are also coming up in the race.

Answer: Mrs. Durand ? I'm not disturbing you ? Your Yorkshire Macmuffin has caught my husband's boxers on the clothesline.

Ne pas déranger, this is a common way to begin a conversation, in general one never answers "yes, you are disturbing me." But even in the dead of night, one says, "oh non, j'étais debout."
Or, I was up anyway. Attraper is to catch, could also mean to grasp as in "Le bébé attrape l'objet". Une taupe is a mole, as well as a spy. Une puce is a flea.

Answer: Marie-Hortense ? As soon as you've finished darning your brother Eugène-Xavier's socks, there's wood to be cut. I wonder how we'll manage to find you a husband with those horrible nails!

To darn=repriser. You might have noticed the use of vous, from the mother to the child, this would be rather unusual, in older aristocratic families. I myself have heard the vous used for the parent from the child as well as one isolated incident with a young lady whose mother used vous for her. Most French will recognize the hyphenated and rather haughty names I've chosen. To iron= repasser.

Answer: You must avoid at all costs offering black flowers to someone on Tuesday.

I've just made up this little etiquette lesson, but you'll see these things in women's journals etc. What you do want to avoid is chrysanthemums as they are used for the graves on the Toussaint. Now they do have attractive arrangements available but old habits die hard. If you do pick up something that might be a gift, the salesperson will ask you, "c'est pour offrir?" meaning do you wish to have it wrapped up in gift wrap.

Answer: Wash your hair with honey, garlic and ewe's milk, this way you will scare away vampires and potential suitors.

Don't forget that in French, un cheveu, les cheveux, and it's used in the plural. Le lait de brebis is ewe's milk, used in yoghurt, cheeses and other preparations. I personally prefer it to other milk. La chèvre is the goat, it's female with several words for the different genders, such as "le bouc" and others. My favorite error found during my travels is the menu in English listing "ghost's cheese" as an option. I suppose that means I still have a job as a translator.

Answer: It is preferable to wash your parrot's wig on Monday.

La perruque is the wig. Nothing like a parrot to make me laugh. I'm not sure why, perhaps because my neighbor has one that sings the Marseillaise, all the local radio channel signals, says quite a few phrases, barks like a dog, dances when you clap your hand and refers to any food as "cacahuetes" or "chocolate". "peigner" is to comb.

Answer: Miss Duclos noticed a crow at her door all dressed in his Sunday best, who asked her for her canary's hand.

Une corbeille is a basket, the wastepaper basket for example. Une corbeille de fruits is a fruit basket. Un corbillard is a hearse. apercevoir is the verb for to notice, perceive, but closer to notice in this instance.

Answer: Excuse me, but your lighters make too much noise at night after 10:30 pm.

Un briquet is a cigarette lighter. This question is inspired by the law that forbids neighbors making noise after 10:30 pm. Though few would invoke it, everyone knows it. If you do plan on a party, the etiquette books suggest you inform your neighbors of it with a little note.
Perhaps something like this, "Veuillez nous excuser, mais nous avons l'intention de faire beaucoup de bruit ce soir, vous comprendrez bien."

Answer: Alphonse dear? Could you please go answer the door ? I'm still in rubber boots and Siberian mud and Cucumber beauty mask. I don't dare.

Le concombre is cucumber. Caoutchouc is rubber, hard word to pronounce for non native speakers. The c on the end isn't pronounced generally. Lots of people claim the benefits of these mud treatments but I haven't dared yet. Oser is to dare. Osé, is daring. Oter is to take off.