Truly Awful Entertainers Trivia Quiz

Answer: A yellow smiley face

Jared, Ian and Colin Smith got together to make a computer application for their mother's birthday. The sight of the smiley face with Jared's voice screeching in Spanish, was quickly downloaded worldwide and an instant celebrity was born. The face later became a spokes-thing for Blockbuster Videos.

Answer: Florence Foster Jenkins

While recovering from the accident with the taxi, Jenkins (born in 1868)discovered she could hit a higher 'F' than before, so instead of suing the taxi company, she sent the driver a box of cigars. She could afford it, because of the family inheritance and her own popularity on the music circuit.

Not for being good mind you...she would have been better suited with Spike Jones than with Serge Prokofiev. She had no pitch or rhythm and could barely sustain a single note. Despite her shortcomings, she was finally able to get center stage at Carnegie Hall in October, 1944, one month before her death at the age of 76.

The other listed ladies have all played Jenkins on stage in a number of productions (comic, of course) based on her life.

Answer: The Cherry Sisters

With only a piano and a bass drum, the horror began:

"Cherries ripe, Boom-de-ay!
Cherries red, Boom-de-ay!
The Cherry sisters
Have come to stay!"

The sisters did what could best be described as self-taught performance art, with Lizzie taking up most of the burden of singing. One critic said after an 1896 performance, 'A locksmith with a strong, rasping file could earn ready wages taking the kinks out of Lizzie's voice.' The sisters were officially 'discovered' in 1895 by Oscar Hammerstein I (the famed lyricist's grandfather). The act disbanded after Jessie died of typhoid in 1903. They retired to their Iowa farm with about 200,000 dollars, so they could afford to wash the pulp from their suits.

Answer: The Del Rubio Triplets

Edith (also known as Eadie), Elena and Milly Del Rubio (nee Boyd) often performed for little or no money. The act was really not all that bad (they COULD play guitar and had a nice vocal range). They just had those outlandish bouffant hairdos and blue eye make-up that was the envy of Tammy Fay Bakker.

They hit their stride in the 80's appearing on such shows as 'Married With Children', 'Pee Wee's Playhouse' and 'The Golden Girls'. Edith died in 1996 and Elena in 2001.

Answer: Sadakichi Hartmann

Hartmann (1867-1944) actually rubbed shoulders with the greats of the literary world, from Walt Whitman to Ezra Pound, and took a noted role in the early development of modernism. The author of several critically-acclaimed tomes of poetry, he even found time to play a wizard in Douglas Fairbank's silent film 'The Thief of Baghdad' (1924).

But not everything went according to plan. His 'perfume concerts' of the early 1900's were a disaster. He would try to use what one critic called 'Katzenjammer English' to explain his scents to the crowd, rarely getting beyond England (represented by the scent of roses) and Germany (violets) before being forced to make a hasty exit.

Answer: Ronald Coates

Not to be condescending, but if you picked Dibdin, Booth or especially Garrick, there's a refresher course coming your way. Coates (1774-1848) made a habit of making his own costumes (garishly overblown, of course) and wearing them everywhere, even on the street.

He had no qualms in re-writing the Bard's work, and once during 'Romeo and Juliet', he attempted to pry open Juliet's casket with a crowbar. He often had to bribe theatre owners to get a part, and cast members demanded police protection if they were to be onstage with him. Coates died after being hit by a carriage, at the age of 74.

Answer: Mrs. Elva Miller

Elva Ruth Connes Miller actually grew up in Joplin, Missouri before moving to Clairmont, California. She began recording church songs 'just for the ducks of it' before being signed to Capitol Records to sing more secular tunes. Many listeners were caught unaware of her 'so-bad-it's-good' renditions, and she became a figure on a number of U.S. TV shows of the time, including 'Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In' and 'The Ed Sullivan Show'.

After losing her home in the 1994 Northridge Earthquake, she moved to a convalescent home in Vista, California where she died in 1997 at the age of 90.

Answer: Wing

Wing Han Tsang started her recording career (using her own money) with an homage to Andrew Lloyd Webber's 'Phantom Of The Opera' before branching out to the Carpenters, the Beatles, Abba and Elvis. She also became a special guest on an episode of the U.S. animated show 'South Park'.

Answer: Vomiting

Granted, they're all gross and have been performed, but Ali (1892-1937), known as the 'Human Regurgitator', took his craft to the next level. He could swallow various things like coins, nuts, billiard balls, etc., and ralph up specific items as requested by the audience.

But the finale had to be seen to be believed. He would drink a large pitcher of water, followed by a pint of kerosene, spew the kerosene onto the model of a burning house, then he would erp up the all the water to put the fire out.

He performed this amazingly nauseating feat in the Laurel and Hardy short 'Chickens Come Home' (1931).

Answer: Jo Stafford

Stafford (b. 1917) is a distant relative of Medal of Honor recipient Alvin York. She began her career with her sisters in the 1930's, before joining the Pied Pipers, who were then signed by Tommy Dorsey (and for a short while, also worked with a young Frank Sinatra).

She had a number of hit duets with Gordon McRae and Frankie Laine. On her own, she hit the U.S. charts many times, and became the first woman to hit number 1 on the U.K. charts with her all-time smash, 'You Belong To Me'. As for her stint as the tone-deaf Darlene Edwards, her and husband Weston's comic rendition of 'Carioca' is featured in the 1977 film 'Kentucky Fried Movie'.