Groupon-- You're Killing Me Trivia Quiz

Answer: Pineapple

Vitamin B12 is a vitamin derived from animal-made products, so meats, dairy, and eggs are your best bets for higher levels of B12. For the most part, if it was breathing and came from something that was alive and moving, it's a good bet. B12 is also a key component of multivitamins due to its necessity in a healthy body. If you don't like animal products, you'll have to take your extra supplements or properly-infused tofu. Being deficient could lead to a large series of disorders, but only if you're severely lacking.

I guess that's where B12 shots come in. The idea of getting supplementary needles online seems unsafe and unhealthy. Not only that-- the $39 covers three shots, each on different days over the course of two weeks. In other words, one could eat meat and dairy regularly (as one should) or they could just get a series of needles. Sounds good.

Answer: Depilation

The major issue with this one isn't just the fact that Groupon naturally assumes my body hair requires a deal. It's in the description which suggests that a laser tech "blasts" target hairs but while customer is also "coddled" by a cooling system. In other words, laser blasts and a coddle-cooldown. What the...?

The term for hair removal (by any means) is depilation. This can refer to chemical removal (ie. pharmacy products), shaving, tweaking, trimming, etc. The chemical type of depilatory is normally a hydroxide solution designed to break down hair follicles.

To top this product off, you need to return every month and a half for follow-up treatments. If you weren't a fan of the first hot, hot heat and the cool, cool coddle, what would be the point?

Answer: Fluoride

Let me preface this one by saying that $99 isn't that bad a deal...but if you've ever, EVER been to a dentist you'd know that it's never that easy. Firstly, what if you already have the insurance (and through your current dentist)? Secondly, what if you actually have dental problems? If you go in for a dental exam and x-rays and there IS an actual issue (cavities, root canals, etc.) then the cleaning is null and void. A dentist will not likely clean over issue-ridden teeth. The cleaning and whitening would be trumped by the need for yet more dental work! Your $99 exam just skyrocketed. Congratulations, new patient.

Fluoride treatments are only one part of the process. Fluoride, a fluorine ion, is used to reduce tooth decay and many countries it's found in the water supply. If you can't find any there, there's also a lot in toothpaste! Regardless, it's good to get your fluoride treatments in at the dentist during a cleaning-- supercharge your whiteness, eh.

Just don't think on this deal.

Answer: A scale of military alertness for nuclear war

Okay-- first thing's first-- being shot is not my idea of a 'deal', Groupon. No matter how much I pay for paintball, it's not particularly worth my while. Secondly, attaching the word 'DEFCON' to anything does not make it more enticing, especially considering the DEFCON system is used by the U.S. military to indicate threats of nuclear war. When DEFCON 1 is announced, nuclear war is pretty much a done deal and you should be in a bomb shelter. During the Cold War, the United States set the bar at DEFCON 2 to indicate "we're darn close to nuclear war". The meter's lowest setting is 5, but the mere fact that a meter even exists is unnerving.

My issue: when applying said meter to paintball, I fear the worst. Did you know that some places sell paint grenades? This isn't a deal so much as it's a death wish.

As an added note, the description of the purchase states that "finally, you can combine marksmanship and art." Seriously.

Answer: Words per minute

Don't get me wrong-- speed-reading is probably a very good thing to have under one's belt, especially for students, but the offer is not the most convincing one in my inbox. Firstly, the course (a one-day, five-hour course, if that makes sense) can be done in-person or online. Secondly, the course can also be split into three audio courses and a video component. Thirdly, the article says that I can get back into more life-fulfilling hobbies otherwise taken up by my "molasses-slow reading" (ie. carpet weaving). I refuse to let this deal have my money.

That's not to say it doesn't work for some people. With proper training and commitment, people are able to achieve higher WPM (word per minute) scores through book skimming and other techniques. The problem is retention. By skimming, most researchers only find a 50%-70% retention rate over a 'regular-speed reader'. Nonetheless, these types of programs aim to double your WPM.

Answer: A training hall

Dojo is the Japanese word for a training hall for students of martial arts. Used for karate, judo, and other practices, the dojo is also a hall of meditation. Dojo is a place where Zen Buddhists attempt to find enlightenment. Your black belt instructor would likely be referred to as a 'sensei', the Japanese word for 'teacher'.

But this offer is something else. Sure, I'd get to access a dojo for ten lessons, but to have to train in the same room as four-year-olds and possibly get beaten by them in sparring competitions would be emotionally devastating. Even worse is what comes from the description of the offer which suggests kickboxing lessons, but goes on to mention that the will inform guests as to "how to quickly break down cardboard boxes". Who knew they'd take it so literally?

Answer: Crouching Tiger

While filmmakers may associate 'Crouching Tigers' and 'Hidden Dragons' with Asian films, they're not something you do during a yoga class. This wouldn't be such a bad deal (heck, it's one of the best offerings all week) if there weren't tons of stipulations. One per person. One per visit. Only if available. Not for use if you're already registered. Also, you have to be a new client.

Downward-Facing Dog, one of the most famous yoga positions out there, pushes the body into an upside-down V while Lotus is a basic, cross-legged meditative posture. Corpse Pose, one of my favourites, involves lying down on your back; it's a good way to breathe and pretend that you're adept at yoga.

But I won't pay to do it.

Answer: Ontario

Family Day was established as an official statutory holiday in Alberta in 1990 though it was adopted by other provinces (Saskatchewan, Ontario, and British Columbia) in later years. It's celebrated on the third Monday of February. Manitoba also celebrates a holiday on the same day-- Louis Riel Day. Prince Edward Island also has one called Islander Day. Other Family Days around the world are celebrated in South Africa, Australia, and a few of the United States.

Okay-- fun day for Family Day, but only for kids! The plan here involves paying for ride tickets for kids from two to ten! I don't even have kids! Further, nothing's open on a statutory holiday; how on Earth do I get there if I don't drive?

Answer: Volkswagen Golf

All three of the incorrect answers, the Maserati Quattroporte, the Lincoln Town Car, and the Mercedes S-Class, are full-size luxury cars and are thus very expensive. Those aren't the only ones though-- there are dozens of luxury cars worth more than most peoples' houses and for this unique deal, I could be driving one (or I can't...without a license) for a full half-hour...for $129! To be fair, I could pay an extra twenty bucks to take the car out for the day...or only 200km.

The Volkswagen Golf is a smaller car, certainly not luxury. While affordable for a new vehicle owner or family, it's not the type of thing to blow hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of dollars (or more) on. It is popular though; Volkswagen owns Porsche, Bentley, Bugatti, Lamborghini, too, so they're in that business.

Answer: Behind the goal

The Marlies, founded in 2005, became one of the major hockey teams in Toronto (the most popular, of course, being the Maple Leafs in the NHL who play at the Air Canada Center). The Marlies, once known as the Marlboroughs, are one of thirty teams in the AHL. Being seated in the endzone of Ricoh Coliseum isn't quite the same though, especially if I'm busy on those particular game days (of which there are only three when they're in town).

Endzone tickets, in this case, are cheaper than the others in the arena because of their vantage point-- you can only see straight down the ice. With North American rinks reaching a total of two hundred feet, it can be tricky to keep an eye on everything. Doesn't seem worth it.