A Punny Quiz

Answer: A bushfire

George W. Bush was President of the United States from 2001 until 2009. Bushfires are massively destructive natural disasters that take place in our hot nation of Australia on a regular basis, particularly during our sweltering summer months. They have the potential to cause, and do cause, incredible damage to properties and our beautiful wilderness areas, as well as the loss of human lives, livestock and hundreds of thousands of our native animals.

Answer: Santa Claws

Domesticated cats are small, furry little creatures that are purrfectly delightful to watch. Cats that have become feral, however, are not so delightful. In order to survive, they stalk and kill many of nature's smaller birds and animals. Owning a cat (which should always be kept locked up at night) is a relaxing and enjoyable experience.

These fluid, graceful creatures are immensely entertaining, particularly when, wearing a bewildered expression, they get an attack of the gallops and tear madly through the house for no apparent reason at all.

Answer: Blazers

Fire fighters are people trained to perfection for the task of extinguishing any life or property threating blazes. These men, like police officers and our defence personnel who work in other areas for humanity, put their lives on the line on a daily basis, in order to keep our homes, our properties, everything we hold dear, safe and protected from the destructive force of fire.

A blazer is a casual jacket, often designed for outdoor use, that is associated with sports clubs, old jazz bands, schools or other organisations.

They first appeared on the scene in the early 1800s and were often recognisable by their vivid colours or stripes.

Answer: He had a knitted brow

A cardigan is a long-sleeved knitted jumper that is opened down the front, and can either be worn that way or done up with buttons or zips. It was named after the 7th Earl of Cardigan who was an officer in the British Army. Because he was so famous after leading the Charge of the Light Brigade during the Crimean War (1853-1856), this article of clothing, which was modelled on a sleeveless knitted waistcoat he and his fellow officers wore, became a popular, copied fashion statement for the everyday man in the street. Thank goodness they didn't see his bloomers.

Answer: Indigestion

She didn't of course, and would be highly indignant at such a suggestion, but a pun is a pun after all. This movie, which won an enormous number of awards, was released in 1939. It starred Vivien Leigh, Clark Gable and a host of other stars, who, if not big names when the movie was shot, certainly became so later. "Gone With the Wind" is an historical romance based on the period leading up to, and during, the American Civil War (1861-65).

Indigestion (pardon me) is a condition associated with faulty digestion and reactions to the consumption of certain foods.

Its symptoms commonly present as upper abdominal pains, burping, bloating and heartburn. Extremely unpleasant if it becomes too severe, it can put people in hospital if left untreated. It is usually managed with sensible eating, avoiding foods you know are going to set it off (take that pizza away!) and medication.

Answer: Dentures

Most of the landscape of Australia is dominated by more than 700 different kinds of gum (eucalyptus) trees. These are very fast growing trees and good for planting in areas which need to be greened quickly. Their negative side though is that, because they produce eucalyptus oil, which is used in various substances such as cleaning products, they go up in a flash in bushfires. Dentures, used to replace missing teeth and fill those gaping gaps in gums (oh look - alliteration) have been around since 500 BC.

These are made of hardened resins and plastics now, but in days gone by they were made from horse or donkey teeth. This gives an entirely new meaning to the phrase "Looking a gift horse in the mouth". Obviously this meant a present of a new set of dentures - or a toothless geegee.

Answer: They Bern in hell

"Burning" in hell after death, for leading a sinful mortal life, is an underlying concept in many Christian faiths. Bern is the de facto capital city of Switzerland, even though Switzerland doesn't have an official capital city as such. It sprang up to be an important city in Switzerland from the 12th century when it was established by one of the ruling families in that country.

Answer: Cooking

Pott's disease is no laughing matter, however. It's an unfortunate condition, brought about by extrapulmonary tuberculosis, that can result in curvature of the spine, much pain, weakness in the legs and difficulty standing. At its worst it compresses the spine and results in paraplegia.

Its early possible detection is found in a positive result for the PPD test, a screening test for tuberculosis. To prevent this progressing further into full blown TB, it is very important that the prescribed medical treatment be followed to the letter.

Answer: They droop

A florist is a person involved in the production and commercial side of flowers. This work centres around the design, setting and merchandising of floral arrangements, their delivery, handling and care. Florists don't just walk into a shop and plonk a handful of roses into a vase.

It's actually quite a skilled craft, particularly the arrangement of all the flowers, fernery, ornaments and foliage that goes into straight pieces, bouquets, corsages and wreaths. Wonderful to be working in such a beautiful environment, unless of course one suffers from chronic hay fever, but most definitely hard work.

Answer: The Beagle has landed

"The eagle has landed" were the famous words uttered by Neil Armstrong on that historic trip by man to the moon in 1969 when the lunar module Eagle touched down on its surface. Charles Darwin's journey to the Galapagos Islands, in the HMS Beagle, between 1831 and 1836, which later gave rise to his 1859 work "On the Origin of Species" was also, in one way, a similar such voyage of discovery. Banana, anyone?