Another Punny Quiz

Answer: Dreadlocks

Goldilocks of course was the heroine (for want of a better word) who broke into the home of the Three Bears, helped herself to their food, smashed their furniture and then had the nerve to fall asleep on one of their beds. Anyone else would have been arrested and charged. Dreadlocks are matted coils of hair. Looked after properly they're quite appealing, but otherwise, they're a gruesome sight.

Answer: Minors

Snow White fled from the murderous designs on her life by her wicked step-mother, and found haven in the homes of seven gallant dwarves who never even dreamed of taking advantage of her even when they found her asleep across their beds. What gentlemen. Though they couldn't save her from the wicked queen who eventually got to Snow White (whom, I might add, had parents with dubious tastes when it came to naming her), the likeable lads did give her a beautiful funeral. That's some consolation.

A kiss from a very strange but handsome prince who just happened to be riding past and saw her corpse in its coffin, re-awakened the princess, and, to save having to explain his peculiar fetish, he hastily proposed to her.

They subsequently married, and more or less lived happily ever after, even though Snow White disliked the fact that their newly built castle had been erected right next to the local cemetery.

Answer: Digger

"Digger" is an affectionate term applied to any member of the ADF who has seen active service. Its use first appeared way back in the 1850s, but really took off as a mark of respect and admiration during the First World War when our soldiers were fighting so very bravely, and being slaughtered in their thousands, on the Western Front. We're very proud of our Diggers here in this country, those who currently serve, and those who have previously held high the banner of bravery, and perhaps given their all in the defence of all that we hold dear in our nation.

Answer: Niagara Falls

The mighty Niagara Falls are located between Canada's Ontario Province and the US State of New York. They comprise Horseshoe Falls, American Falls and Bridal Veil Falls, with the gee-gee ones being the largest. They're an awesome, impressive sight, but rather terrifying to behold because of their sheer power and strength. The first person to go over the falls in a barrel (why would any sane person want to DO that?) was one 63-year-old, Annie Edson Taylor. That was in 1901. Annie survived but was knocked around a bit. As she staggered away from her barrel at the conclusion of her foolhardy feat, she uttered what could quite possibly be described as the understatement of all time when she said, "No one ought ever to do that again".

Prior to Annie's record breaking feat - although if nobody else had ever done it before, how could she break a record? - some animal loving people had sent their cat over the falls in a barrel as a test run. The cat survived unharmed, and even managed to pose beside its owners afterwards. One imagines that was just before it tried to claw them to death. There is no truth to the rumour that the cat was cross-eyed for the remainder of its life.

Answer: Ashes to Ashes

The reporter was going to call the article "A Perfect Match" but thought it was in bad taste. His editor vetoed his second choice of "Come on Baby, Light My Fire". Cinderella of course tells the story of the badly treated young girl who manages to make it to a ball in a magical coach with all the trimmings, and, wearing a magical beautiful gown and glass slippers, captures the heart of her prince. Oh blah blah blah.

The truth is Cinderella was delirious from hunger and imagined the lot, and her brief marriage to the crematorium owner only ended because he was careless with his equipment, and ended up as his own customer.

Answer: Dinosaur

Dinah Shore (1916-1994) was an American singer, actress and TV host of a large number of her own shows which spanned several decades. Amazingly so, and this is really impressive, her singing skills were such that she had eighty top rating chart hits within a period of ten years. Wow! During her long career, she also recorded and released an astonishing thirty-seven albums, made fifteen films, earned a degree in sociology, won ten Emmys, constantly performed live on stage with the big bands of the time, and appeared on radio and other television shows on a regular basis. One suspects the lovely Dinah was a workaholic.

This amazing woman recovered from an early bout of polio at the age of two during which she almost died. She was left with a limp, and a twisted foot, for the rest of her life as a result of this cruel illness which took so very many victims over time.

This lovely and charming woman had a quite impressive romantic life as well, one that could quite possibly have earned her a Gold Medal or two if such were available. Dinah Shore lived her life to the fullest, and that is her most impressive achievement of all.

Answer: I Fell

Located in Paris, the Eiffel Tower was named after the engineer who designed it. It was erected as an entrance way to mark the opening of the 1889 World Fair. This monument, so easily recognised today, was extremely unpopular with French artists and writers when first erected, leading to a large committee of same being formed. Located in Wikipedia, the following statement from this committee was sent to members of the French Parliament and published in the major newspaper of the time.

"We, writers, painters, sculptors, architects and passionate devotees of the hitherto untouched beauty of Paris, protest with all our strength, with all our indignation in the name of slighted French taste, against the erection ... of this useless and monstrous Eiffel Tower ... to bring our arguments home, imagine for a moment a giddy, ridiculous tower dominating Paris like a gigantic black smokestack, crushing under its barbaric bulk Notre Dame, the Tour Saint-Jacques, the Louvre, the Dome of les Invalides, the Arc de Triomphe, all of our humiliated monuments will disappear in this ghastly dream. And for twenty years ...we shall see stretching like a blot of ink the hateful shadow of the hateful column of bolted sheet metal". The famous French artist, Guy de Maupassant, was so revolted by the tower that he ate his lunch in its restaurant there every day. He explained his peculiar choice of eating at a place he detested as being the only place in Paris where he didn't have to see the edifice whilst consuming food. The Tower has other interesting snippets of history you may like to read up on sometime. They're quite fascinating.

Answer: Statute of Liberty

The Statue of Liberty is a huge monument which is located on Liberty Island in New York's harbour. This mighty gift from France to the US represents all that the United States stood for in its early days as a land to which persecuted and poor and homeless from other lands could flee to begin new lives.

It was a beautiful dream that, for many, did come true. The history of the statue cannot possibly be written in one short paragraph here, but it, like the Eiffel Tower, is just as interesting. As for all the nonsense in the question for this quiz, that was made up of course, but the author cannot be blamed for an inability resist a good pun when it presents itself - whether from France or not.

Answer: She couldn't put it down

What can one say about gravity that can hold your attention? It basically is the force that keeps us all on the planet instead of floating off into the ether. It attracts physical bodies to one another. Gee, and here I've been thinking it was my perfume.

Answer: Hip Hop

Hip Hop is basically a combination of four different styles of dance and music combined. These are rap music, turntablism, break dance, and - huh - graffiti art. How did graffiti art come into it I hear you ask? Oh, that was me. It's because graffiti, the art of messing up perfectly nice public buildings with garbage, became associated with a certain culture that combines all these forms of dance and music as well. Personally I detest it all quite thoroughly, but I'd better get with it and tell you that its, er, (wait till I consult my hip hop translator) where it is happening...dude...and we had better gyrate with the times...man. Later...er...guys.