Terry Pratchett's Discworld 'Lonely Hearts' Quiz

Answer: Igneous Cutwell

Igneous Cutwell was first employed by Princess Keli of Sto Lat (whose ancestor was the leader of the nomadic cut-throats) as Royal Recogniser after Mort had altered reality. The spell for ridding her of fleas came about when Cutwell had to recite impressive words as he crowned her. Mort went on to marry Ysabell and Cutwell to become the 'Eminence Grease' (sic) of Queen Keli. From 'Mort'.

The wrong answers are all young wizards from other 'Discworld' books.

Answer: Moist von Lipwig

From 'Going Postal'. The young lady was Adora Belle Dearheart, who looked extremely good in a plain dress, chain-smoked and wanted to know the correct knife in a restaurant to stab rich murdering b******s (Moist explained that they brought it to the table when you ordered one).

The interesting shoes were Mitzy 'Pretty Lucrezia', with a four inch heel. The family business was the 'Grand Trunk'. The wrong answers are other Discworld frauds in one way or another.

Answer: Tawneee

Tawneee (sic) (born Betty) a six-foot pole dancer, with 'big hair, a big smile and...general bigitigy' (to quote a disapproving Sergeant Colon). Not only that, but a centerfold too! With Nobby Nobbs in 'Thud'. On a girls' night out with Sally, Angua and Cheery it transpired that Nobby was the first 'boy' who'd ever asked her out, so the others patiently explained that going out with Nobby 'was like going into a big posh restaurant and only eating the bread roll'. Nobby eventually decided to end it with Tawneee because she couldn't cook! All the wrong answers are also stunningly attractive young ladies in Discworld.

Answer: Conina

Daughter of Cohen the Barbarian, Conina had got her looks and figure from her mother (a temple dancer) and 'sinews you could moor a boat with, reflexes like a snake on a hot tin, a terrible urge to steal things' and a dreadful sensation that she should throw a knife through people's eyes at ninety feet (which she could do!) from her father.

She fell like a ton of bricks for unlikely hero Nijel the Destroyer (son of Harebut the Provision Merchant), who wore woolly underwear under his barbarian gear (he got these colds) in 'Sourcery'.

Answer: Rincewind

Rincewind's libido got itself a little mixed up while marooned on a desert island. So much so, that when approached by stunningly beautiful young ladies to fulfill all his earthy and sensual pleasures - he asked for them mashed. Yes, solanum tuberosum is the potato. From 'Interesting Times'. The other wrong answers are wizards, but not potato-obsessives.

Answer: Verence

Strictly speaking, Verence was renowned for having absolutely no sense of humour (It was beaten out of him when he joined the Fool's Guild). Magrat, the youngest of the three witches in 'Wyrd Sisters', got extremely annoyed when he went on an errand for Felmet for a few weeks and told him whenever he wanted to see her she'd be washing her hair.

It all ended happily, though, and they got married later in the series.

Answer: Sacharissa Cripslock

Having ruined her engraver father's business, William de Worde employed Sacharissa as his assistant on 'The Ankh-Morpork Times' in 'The Truth'. The wrong answers are people written about in the 'Times'.

Answer: Chidder

In 'Pyramids', Ptraci turns out to be Teppic's half-sister, so he leaves her to rule the kingdom of Djelibeybi, assisted by his best friend from the Assassin's guild, Chidder. He thinks they'll get on like a house on fire ('Screams, flames, people running for safety...'). The other wrong answers were also Teppic's fellow assassins (one, sadly, did not graduate).

Answer: Lady Volentia d'Arrangement

Lady Volentia did not have a good Ball in 'Witches Abroad' - she was hypnotised by Granny Weatherwax (she was approximately the same size) and her clothes stolen. Staggering in only her underwear in the corridor, she met a devastatingly handsome man in an eyepatch - unfortunately, the 'man' in question was Nanny Ogg's bewitched cat, Greebo - and cats don't go in for 'meet me later in the rose garden'.

The wrong answers are other titled Discworld women.

Answer: Lupine

No, not Carrot and Angua. Carrot is a Watchman in love with a werewolf, whereas Lupine in 'Reaper Man' is a wereman (at full moon he changes from a wolf into a wolfman) who falls in love with Mrs Cake's daughter, Ludmilla, who is a werewolf. Apparently they'll be able to 'get it together' one week in four. Life isn't perfect. I hope you enjoyed the quiz.