"DM of the Rings" - Helm's Deep Quiz

Answer: Ten thousand

Aragorn is complaining about the lack of trained personnel for the defense of Helm's Deep, claiming that the defending force reminds him of a "Yu-Gi-Oh!" Convention. Legolas believes the fortress is good enough to even the odds, until reminded that about 10,000 orcs are going to be knocking on the door later that day.

Answer: Legolas

Finally, some actual tension is built before the orcs' onslaught on the fortress, but Legolas goes and blows it all away by talking about the Arcane Archer prestige class that he's considering taking for his next level. He gets very dirty looks from the others, too.

Answer: All of these

Aragorn thinks that Haldir is a "Smouldering Temptress" and even goes so far as calling him a "She-Devil", sent by Saruman to sow conflict between the men in the fortress. He's being very much in-character for a change. Unfortunately, it's the wrong character!

Answer: Gimli

For some reason, Gimli gets to go first amongst 10,000 combatants. Unfortunately, Gimli is only armed with an axe and standing on top of a wall, so there really isn't anything he can do with that. He does ask if he could taunt the orcs though, but Monty Python quotations are strictly banned. Too bad!

Answer: Pulling the ladders up.

He reasons that if they pulled the ladders up, the orcs would be stuck at the bottom of the wall and could be picked off by the elven archers, winning the battle in a pinch! The party members even pull out their massive lengths of rope that they had carried with them, but as they set things up, the Dungeon Master has the Orc Berserker blow up the wall. Rule #1 of role playing - Do not try to outsmart the Dungeon Master!

Answer: Ten

Legolas is really jazzed up from having such a large lead in the game due to his bow and arrow, until Gimli reminds him that while he may be ahead now, he will eventually run out of arrows and will, in Gimli's own words, "begin screaming like a woman".

Answer: Final Fantasy XII

This is a three-chapter-long gag that places the party members as characters in some well-known computer games. Legolas, sliding down the stairwell on an orc's shield, is put into one of Tony Hawk's skateboarding games. Gimli looks for loot on his fallen foes but only finds lousy equipment from "Diablo II". Aragorn takes several minutes to debate which combat action is most suitable in his situation, in "Nethack's" turn-based ASCII display.

Answer: False

Actually, after convincing the Dungeon Master that it is possible and should be allowed, he remarks that he would never have allowed something like that, back in his Dungeon Mastering days. Too late for those poor orcs!

Answer: True

The battle turns out to be so long, that Aragorn falls asleep. To keep things rolling, Legolas is given control of Aragorn temporarily. He keeps getting excited about having Aragorn stab orcs in the face.

Answer: Gandalf

In that memorable scene, dawn breaks and Gandalf appears in the east with a horde of Rohirrim. Everyone ends up praising Gandalf, also known as "Johnny-come-lately" and "Mr. Party-pooper", and forgetting all about the terrible ordeal that the players have just had to go through to survive the battle.