The Comedians [ 1 ] Trivia Quiz

Answer: George Gobel

George Gobel got his start in show business at the age 14, on the National Barn Dance out of Chicago, doing both comedy and music. Gobel was on the "Tom Mix" radio show playing Tom's ward. He served with distinction in the US Air Force during World War II. His personal appearances on television, radio, and films were numerous. From 1956 to 1960 he hosted his own television comedy show. Here are some snippets of Gobel's humor:

"Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?"

"My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago."

"College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage."

Answer: Myron Cohen

Ethnic humor often gets a bad rap from the politically correct. But take out the labels and we have a testimony to human foibles. Cohen never had any malice toward others in this stories and only love for the Jews he spoke about. Here are some examples:

"An undertaker calls a son-in-law: "About your mother-in-law, should we embalm her, cremate her, or bury her?" He says, "Do all three. Don't take chances."

"One older lady asks another "What do you think of Red China?" She says "It goes well with a yellow table cloth."

"A chronic borrower begged an old friend to lend him a hundred dollars. "I'll pay it back the minute I return from Chicago," he promised. "Exactly what day are you returning?" the friend asked. The man shrugged. "Who's going?"

Answer: Dick Shawn

In his stand-up act, Dick Shawn used to break through a fake brick wall as he came on stage. Upon occasion he would vomit up 'pea soup'. On April 17. 1987 he was playing politician, making a campaign promise never to lay down on the job. At that point he fell to the floor. After a couple of minutes the audience began to jeer. Dick Shawn had died of a heart attack on stage at age 63. Here are some lines he spoke:

"I can't work places like Vegas or the Catskills where people are belching. Maybe I belong in colleges. At least if I die, I die in front of intelligent people who know what I'm talking about."

"I think of my relationship with any audience as a love affair. It lasts only a little while but I always look forward to a happy ending. For both of us."


"One and one's two/ Two and two's four/ I feel so bad 'cause I'm losin' the war! (as Hitler in "The Producers" (1968)".

Answer: Henny Youngman

Walter Winchell dubbed him the 'King of the One-liners'. Youngman started out writing funny greeting cards, becoming as a violinist in an orchestra. When the scheduled comedian did not show up, Youngman took over. He never retired and died at age 91. It is too bad that space does not allow more examples of his best lines:

"A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months."

"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."

"She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face."

Answer: Bob Hope

Hope was probably the most dominant comedian of the 20th century. He was a friend to everyone from a foot soldier to the President. He had success on Broadway, vaudeville, radio, television, movies, and personal appearances. Here are a few of his quips:

"When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in."

"I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."

"I like to play in the low 70s. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!"

Answer: Ed Wynn

Wynn was funny but hated vulgarity. He did his radio show in front of a live audience. When he felt he was ready for retirement, he had success as a dramatic actor. His son was Keenan Wynn. Here are some sage comments from The Perfect Fool:

"I've found a formula for avoiding these exaggerated fears of age; you take care of every day - let the calendar take care of the years."

"A bachelor is a man who never makes the same mistake once."

A comedian is not a man who says funny things. A comedian is one who says things funny."

Answer: Fred Allen

Allen's humor was ahead of its time. You might say that he inspired comics like Mort Saul, Dennis Miller, and Bill Maher. Portland Hoffa was his wife. Down Allen's Alley you might meet Senator Claghorn (that's a joke, son), Falstaff Upshaw (a poet), Titus Moody (a New Englander) or Sampson Souse (the town drunk). Allen often ran afoul of censers, but that added to his mystique. Allen's wit is seen in these few lines:

"A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary."

"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."

"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."

Answer: Rodney Dangerfield

Born Jacob Cohen, he adopted Rodney Dangerfield as his stage name, which was previously used by Jack Benny and Ricky Nelson. After a marginal career in show business he was called on as a last minute replacement on "The Ed Sullivan Show" and was a hit. In the late 1960s he opened a night club for beginning comics. Roseanne, Tim Allen, Jim Carrey, Jeff Foxworthy, Sam Kinison, among others got a boost from their appearances there. People never seemed to tire of his self-deprecating, black humor. Most of his jokes were where he could say "I get no respect." Here are just a few:

"A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home."

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it."

"I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

Answer: Sam Kinison

In spite of his pious beginnings, Kinison lived life as it came to him, with a mixture of alcohol, drugs, women, and fast-paced living. His license plate was EX REV. It came as no surprise that he died at 39 in a car wreck, with drugs in his system. Here is an example of his routine:

"There's no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out."

[The following is in caps as Sam screamed it]
THERE WOULDN'T BE WORLD HUNGER IF YOU PEOLE WOULD LIVE WHERE THE FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT! YOU LIVE IN DESERT! NOTHING GROWS OUT HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW OUT HERE! YOU SEE THIS? HUH? THIS IS SAND. KNOW WHAT IT'S GONNA BE A HUNDRED YEARS FROM NOW? IT'S GONNA BE SAND! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT! GET YOUR STUFF, AND WE'LL MAKE ONE TRIP, WE'LL TAKE YOU TO WHERE THE FOOD IS! WE HAVE DESERTS IN AMERICA - WE JUST DON'T LIVE IN THEM!"

"Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days...but not all in a row!"

Answer: Bob Burns

If Bob Burns has been forgotten by modern people as a comedian, the name bazooka should ring a bell. Burns' contraption, that sounded something like a trombone but with less range, was the name given during World War II for an anti-tank hand-held cannon. How many of you have chewed Bazooka bubble gum as a kid? Thank the Arkansas Traveler. Hear the voice of Bob Burns:

"I am supposed to be the Ozark Sage, though there are plenty of wise fellows back home who look like William Cullen Bryant and have even longer beards. To be a sage, I guess the formula is to stay a long way off from where you're born, or else you'll get found out."

"If the country folk I tell these stories about don't mind, I can't see why the city people want to kick. City folks are the same everywhere. They ain't different enough to be interesting."

"Some folks out here get inflated ideas. But they usually have to come down to earth. I know I'm the same fellow I was years ago when I was glad to make $25 a week. I haven't gotten any smarter."