Our Dumb World Trivia Quiz

Answer: 73rd

Even though this book has never actually been published before, the cover claims that this is the seventy-third edition. It comes with such improved features as "Fewer Clouds on Maps", "Curvier Latitude Lines", and "Better-Veiled Xenophobia".

Answer: Asia

This information is located in the top right corner of the cover in white writing on a red background so that it stands out well. I wonder which 30% they had left out in the other editions...

Answer: North Dakota

"These states were admitted to the Union just so that the number of states would be a nice round number. Though not connected to the continental U.S. by land or even acquaintance, they are allowed to split one electoral vote each election year and even use the American dollar as currency."

Answer: In white boxes off the coast of southern California

Alaska and Hawaii are roughly the same size. Alaska is a land of unspoiled beauty and oil (mainly oil), and Hawaii has "beautiful white sand beaches located 40 feet below your hotel window and rare jungle birds that are easily accessible on channel 347 (TLC)".

Answer: Nicaragua

"In 1987, a U.S.-backed Contra force, Lance and Bill, was sent to Nicaragua to stop a terrible threat to the free world posed by rebels, robots, and aliens. Financed over three years in millions of 25-cent increments, the controversial operation was widely criticized for being a waste of taxpayer lunch money."

Answer: Togo

"The crawl-thru country of Togo is considered by many Africans to be "the only place" for fast and tangible food. Unfortunately, hundreds of thousands of Burundians died when an order to Togo of one million pizzas was mistaken for a prank."

Answer: Slovenia

"Slovenia has been manufacturing crates since 1837. Until 1946, Slovenia only manufactured square crates, but today, Slovenia is diversifying its crate-based economy--they have built new lightweight portable crates, made the crates easier to open, and revolutionized the crate industry with their innovative crate-shaped packages."

Answer: San Marino

The editors were infuriated that "[they], who already work 60+ hours a week, had to waste time writing about a country that isn't even close to being large or historically accurate."

Answer: The Democratic Republic of Congo

According to the Republic of Congo, they "have 'only half' the amount of civil war as the Democratic Republic of Congo, 'dozens less dead' from abject poverty than the Democratic Republic of Congo, and a growing AIDS problem that's 'small potatoes when compared to other countries, like, say, the Democratic Republic of Congo'."

Answer: Cape Verde

Cape Verde was demoted to the fourth world because "its rocky soil has failed to produce anything since a single potato in 1973, it has more than the two Third World-allotted droughts per year, and it has over 30 mass graves that aren't up to code."

Answer: Senegal

"Because of this, Senegal is trying to establish diplomatic relations with Gambia in order to gain access to their water supply. However, Gambia has refused on numerous occasions, saying that Senegal will just backwash into their river." The Atlantic Ocean, which Senegal borders, is also controlled by Gambia.

Answer: Bangladesh

"Bangladesh's average humidity is 4790%, their exports are flailing, airborne Bangladeshis, and their imports are highly absorbent paper towels. One well-known Bangladeshi proverb is 'If you don't like the weather, wait a minute and it will kill you.'"

Answer: Vatican City

"When visiting, tourists can get their picture taken with Vatican City's mascot, the Pope, ride in the Golden Chalices, one of the more popular attractions, or stand in long lines for the confession booths and communion-wafer stands."

Answer: Maldives

"When the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami hit Maldives, officials ordered all citizens to move to higher ground. Since Maldives lacks any higher ground, most simply chose to run around in circles."

Answer: Poland

"Poland borders the Baltic Sea, where hundreds of Polish fish die everyday, and the nation is located in a strategic position on top of land instead of water. Recently, a 747 airliner crashed into a Polish cemetery; rescue workers have so far uncovered 2450 bodies."

Answer: Ljubljana

This is the capital of Slovenia, famed for its crates.

Answer: Turkmenistan

"Turkmenistan's major religions are Niyazovism and Islam, its capital is Ashgabat, which Niyazov would have picked as the capital anyway, and one of its more popular Niyazov-based statues shoots death rays at political opponents."

Answer: Bulgaria

"Bulgaria is the ancestral homeland of the goons, but after the fall of Communism, there has been a sharp rise in disorganized crime. Without the Soviet Union telling them what to do, they hardly know who to punch or stuff into a sack anymore."

Answer: Luxembourg

This is, of course, the capital of Luxembourg.

Answer: Australia

Australia's famous actresses include Nicole Kidman, Naomi Watts, Cate Blanchett, and Eric Bana. The official languages are English (every fifth word) and Unknown (rest of time).

Answer: Mongolia

"Mongolia's most popular name for their horses is Oyunbileg, meaning 'Gift of Great Wisdom'. Their most popular name for their people is Odgerel, meaning 'He Who Owns Horses'."

Answer: Uruguay

"Paraguay and Uruguay are both bordered by Argentina on the west and Brazil on the east, have roughly the same area, and are rather difficult to tell apart. Uruguay's motto is 'Are You Sure We Are Not Paraguay?'"

Answer: Pedro de Valdivia

"Chile has prevented Argentina from enjoying the Pacific Ocean since 1818. At over 3000 feet long and almost 15 feet wide, Chile has an area comparative of Rhode Island, if rolled into a ball. Chile's birth rate is 1 per citizen per year."

Answer: Greenland

"Greenland covers roughly half the Earth's surface, being larger than Africa and South America combined. However, despite its immense size, Greenland is home to just eight Inuit hunter-gatherers and a lone U.S. Navy communications officer stationed in a small radio tower."

Answer: Cameroon

"Cameroon was accidentally created when famed cartographer Arthur Sayles, who was up until 10:00 P.M. finishing a map of Africa, connected the Nigerian and Equatorial Guinean coasts, filling in the Gulf of Nigeria and creating a whole new piece of land." It is said that "thousands of Nigerians drown every year trying to cross into what they believe to be Cameroon".

Tonga is presented as a real country at first, but it is then revealed that the editors were just kidding. The map of Tonga is made up of "printing errors", "figments of imagination", "stains from friggin' awesome sandwich", and "just drawings of islands". Their official language is Vulcan, and their favorite book is "Our Dumb World".