Tragedy in Songs Part 8: Random Tragedy Quiz

Answer: fat

In this 1988 parody of Michael Jackson's hit 'Bad', Weird Al sings of the hardships of the overweight in his usual, over-the-top fashion: 'The pavement cracks when I fall down/I've got more chins than Chinatown.' As 'Bad' is considered a follow-up to the song 'Beat It', Al considers his version a follow up to the original parody, 'Eat It'.

Answer: 'The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun'

Long before the Columbine shootings, Julie Brown recorded a ridiculous song about Debbie, the most popular girl in school, who suddenly loses it and machine guns everyone at the homecoming parade. Told in Julie Brown's trademark 'valley girl' style, the song is comedic rather than tragic: 'God, my best friend's on a shooting spree/stop it, Debbie, you're embarrassing me! Stop, Debbie, you're making a mess/powder burns all over your dress.' This song was released in 1984.

Answer: Grandpa

Mark Twain once wrote about circumstances where a man could, with a little stretching of the term, become his own grandfather. Comic Duo Lonzo and Oscar released 'I'm My Own Grandpa' in 1948, though it had previously been recorded by a group called 'The Jesters.'

The lyrics involve a young man marrying an older widow, then his own father marrying the widow's adult daughter. Then, through a series of twisted family relationships (none of which are actually immoral), the singer ends up lamenting that 'As husband to my grandma, I'm my own grandpa.'

This song appeared in the aptly-named Tom Arnold movie, 'The Stupids'.

Answer: 'The Streak'

'The Streak' takes the form of several on the spot new reports dealing with a streaker (a man who runs naked through public places--apparently this was a fad in the 1970s). The streaker causes disturbances at the local gas station, the grocery store, and a basketball game 'wearing just his tennis shoes.'

Answer: 'A Boy Named Sue'

'A Boy Named Sue' tells of a boy whose father named him 'Sue' shortly before abandoning the family. The feminine name tormented the boy his entire life, causing him to grow into an angry loner, bent on murdering his evil father. When he finally confronts his dad (after a saloon-destroying brawl), he learns that he was given a girl's name to insure that he'd grow up tough, since his father wasn't planning to stick around to help him.

The singer chokes up, forgives his father, and declares 'If I ever have a son, I'm going to name him...Bill! Or George! Anything but Sue!'

Answer: Yellow

'Itsty Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini' was first recorded in 1960 by Brian Hyland. The song became popular, following the spate of teenage 'surf movies' of that era. Versions have been recorded in German, Greek, Finnish, Portuguese, Spanish, French and Bulgarian.

Answer: Napoleon XIV

Jerry Samuels, who recorded this song under the moniker of Napoleon XIV, sings of a man who lost his mind when his girl left him (or was it his dog?). Though mental health advocates protested the portrayal of the mentally ill, the song was a surprise hit. The B-side of the album was simply the song played backward.

Answer: 'I Feel Like I'm Fixin' to Die Rag'

The Vietnam War was the first twentieth century war that left a lot of Americans wondering if we were truly doing the right thing. 'Fixin' to Die' was one of the many protest songs of the age. The music is uptempo, and the lyrics, despite the grim subject matter, are zany: 'Be the first one on your block to have your boy come home in a box.' 'We only pray that if they drop the bomb, they drop it on the Viet Cong.'

Answer: The War of 1812

'The Battle of New Orleans' was written by a high school principal named Jimmy Driftwood, though Johnny Horton's version is the one people remember. It deals with the hillbilly American army under the command of Colonel Andrew Jackson, defeating the larger and better-trained British force.

The real battle of New Orleans took place on January 8th, 1815, and was a tremendous victory for the Americans. However, the treaty of Ghent had been signed two weeks earlier and effectively ended the war. There was no way to get word to the troops until late February, and the battle proceeded.

Answer: Ponchielli's 'Dance of the Hours'

'Hello Muddah,' was recorded by Allen Sherman. It deals with a young boy at camp, writing his parents of the horrifying conditions he's enduring...until it stops raining, and he decides that camp might be fun after all. This song hit number 2 on the Billboard charts in 1963.