Thieves, Liars and Hypocrites Trivia Quiz

Answer: Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton continually denied having sex with Monica Lewinsky even when presented with irrefutable evidence in the form of a stain on her dress containing his DNA. His defence against perjury rested on the belief that a certain intimate act did not constitute sexual relations.

Kevin Starr was the "independent" council who led the investigation into all of Bill's doings. George W Bush never lied in his life, just ask him. If Elton John says he didn't have sex with any woman I for one would believe him.

Answer: Ronald Biggs

Ronnie Biggs took part in "The Great Train Robbery" on 8th August 1963 when a gang stole £2.6 million from a mail train in England. He was sentenced to 30 years in gaol but escaped and fled to Australia via Finnland. After learning the police were after him he fled Australia and ended up in Brazil where he became something of a celebrity appearing on TV and cocking his snoot at the UK authorities. He recorded two songs for "The Great Rock and Roll Swindle", the Sex Pistols movie.

Biggs was always seen as a bit of a lad and something of a folk hero but few remember that he was directly implicated in the bashing of the traindriver who subsequently died as a result of his injuries. Jack Mills was the train driver bashed by Biggs' gang. I've included his name here in an effort to preserve his memory.

Malcolm McLaren was the self admitted fraud who gave us the Pistols. He died in 2010. Butch Cassidy helped rob trains and eventually fled to South America but his taste in music was too poor even for the Sex Pistols.

Answer: It is named after Charles Ponzi an early practitioner of pyramid scheme frauds

Charles Ponzi was an Italian Immigrant to the USA who carried out one of America's biggest frauds in 1920. He invented (or at least perfected) the pyramid scam which promises clients a high return then pays them from the investments of later investors. All goes well until the number of new investors dries up.

I'm quite proud of my acronym "Piece Of New Zealand Investment" but it is purely fictitious. The giveaway was the fact that sheep and the All Blacks are not mentioned. There may or may not be a Ponzi in New Jersey. Google doesn't think so. Kinda rolls of the tongue though - Ponzi, New Joisy. You didn't fall for the Happy Days thing did you? Me neither.

Answer: False

The word hypocrite actually comes from the Greek meaning "actor" or "pretender". Hippocrates is often referred to as "The Father of Western Medicine". His single greatest achievement is seen to be the separation of medicine from religion believing that illness was a result of diet, environment and lifestyle rather than a punishment from the gods. This battle continues.

For instance Billy Graham said, "It [AIDS] may be a judgment of God upon us. I can't say for certain, because only God would know that. But something is happening to us, paying us back for our promiscuity and our free way of life, in which God has certain rules and regulations outlined in the Scriptures.".
(www.bmei.org)

Answer: Dead bodies

In the early to mid 19th century anatomical medicine was starting to take off and doctors and students were keen to expand their "inside" knowledge by dissecting corpses. The only legitimate source of bodies was the remains of executed criminals. Unfortunately there were too many doctors and too few cadavers to go round. A trade in corpses developed serviced by "The Resurrection Men" or "Body Snatchers".

Burke and Hare started off supplying the corpses of people who had died of natural causes or legitimate accidents but this got too difficult and they turned to DIY by killing the good folk of Edinburgh - 16 in total. When they were finally caught Hare turned Queen's Evidence on Burke (ratted him out) and Burke was hanged. In a final ironic post script Burke was dissected at the Edinburgh Medical College and his skeleton, death mask, and items made from his tanned skin are on display at the college's museum.

Nobody in their right mind would ever steal a haggis. Have you seen what they are made of? Assorted offal mixed with grain and stuffed into a sheep's stomach (a bit like Burke these days). Actually I've eaten haggis and it isn't half bad. The fact that I had the best part of a bottle of single malt for my entree might have helped. The dessert of a deep fried Mars Bar was OK too. Those Scots certainly know how to live.

Answer: Assaulting Jeremiah McCormack

Ned's first real brush with the law was in 1869 when aged 14. He was arrested for assaulting a Chinese pig farmer named Ah Fook (and no, I didn't make this name up it is naturally funny). The charges were dropped after 10 days. The next year he was charged with being an accomplice to the bushranger Harry Power. The charges were dropped through lack of evidence. Kelly apologists insist that the police were harassing him. Other believe that Ned intimidated the witnesses.

In October of 1870 Ned was again arrested this time for assaulting Jeremiah McCormack a local hawker. McCormack had accused Ned's mate Ben Gould of stealing his horse. Ben wrote an obscene note to McCormack's wife which he gave to Ned to pass on. The note also contained bull's testicles. To be extra sure Ned also gave McCormack a beating. Ned was convicted and served 3 months. In 1878 Ned and his cohorts ambushed and killed three cops at Stringybark Creek. This was the beginning of the end for Ned. He was eventually hanged on 11 November 1880.

Ned has become something of a hero to a large proportion of the Australian population. Some say he appeals to the rebel in our psyche. I just can't get past his history of violence and the fact that he cold bloodedly murdered a number of people. He's just another murdering low life criminal to me.

Answer: Jim Bakker

Jim Bakker was the ringleader of the "Praise The Lord" network which bilked the gullible and naive out of millions by calling for donations to save the lost.

When he was busted for hanky panky with Jessica Hahn many examples of financial malfeasance came to light. In an effort to redeem himself he went on TV with a self serving confession - "I Was Wrong" in which he confessed to having the affair with Ms Hahn, paying her more than a quarter of a million dollars to keep quiet (out of church funds) and squandering church money on six mansions, many luxury cars and other indulgences.

Another well known televangelist, Jerry Falwell, said of Bakker that he was "a liar, an embezzler, a sexual deviant, and the greatest scab and cancer on the face of Christianity in 2,000 years of church history." Well he would know. Jimmy Swaggart was another televangelist who was exposed as a cheat, hypocrite and fraud but he didn't have a wife named Tammy. In the late 1980s this self effacing and modest Christian ran "The Jimmy Swaggart Ministries" which was the biggest of all of the televangelical networks, bringing in over $150 million annually. In 1987 Swaggart conspired with others to defrock Marvin Gorman another "man of God" alleging sexual impropriety. Gorman retaliated by hiring a private dick to check up on friend Jimmy. This lead to revelations about Swaggart associating with a prostitute. Swaggart tried to tough it out but eventually gave a mealy mouthed apology where he didn't really admit to anything but promised not to do it again. It went horribly wrong a couple of years later when he was pulled over by the cops for a driving offence and they found a lady of negotiable virtue in the car. When asked what she was doing in a car she said "He asked me for sex. I mean, that's why he stopped me. That's what I do. I'm a prostitute."
(www.ntskeptics.org)

Pat Robertson is another conservative Christian Hypocrite and liar. Why is he a hypocrite you ask? He rails against gambling but spent over $500,000 on a racehorse called "Mr Pat" (these guys are all so modest aren't they?). When questioned on this seeming contradiction he said he just liked watching horses run. A less hypocritical person might have rented the DVD of "National Velvet".

We must be fair in our dealings with scoundrels and to show that it's not just conservatives who let us down we must consider the Rev Jesse Jackson, friend of Democrat presidents and one time presidential candidate. During the days of the Lewinsky affair Jackson paid a visit to his good mate Bill Clinton to offer support and consolation. He was accompanied by a staffer who was heavily pregnant. Eventually Jackson was forced to confess to being the father of her child (he was married with five children at the time). In addition it was shown that his "Rainbow Coalition" had paid the staffer considerable amounts of money in "consultancy fees".
(www.cnn.com)

Answer: The School of Turin

Leonardo and his boys spent three years planning this heist. They rented an office in the same building as the target and made copies of the keys, checked out the security system and obtained the schedules for the local police patrols. They pulled the job while all the diamond guys were away watching Venus Williams in the the Diamond Games tennis tournament (yes really). They were caught because they threw away a diamond bag that also contained a half eaten sandwich with DNA on it.

The Glasgow Boys were a subset of the Glasgow School a group of modern artists centred on Glasgow from the 1870s to 1910(ish). The Gang of Four was a quartet of Chinese officials influential during the Cultural Revolution (1966 - 1976). The most famous member was Jiang Qing, Mao Zedong's last wife. In 1981 they were tried for various crimes and sentenced to death. The sentences were commuted to long gaol terms. "Ocean's Eleven" is a pretty formulaic heist movie originally starring Frank Sinatra and recently remade with George Clooney.

Answer: Epimenides was himself a Cretan so his statement raises a major paradox.

Epimenides was a fictional Cretan created by Eubulides. If all Cretans are liars then his statement is false meaning all Cretans are not liars which means his statement is true which means he is lying .... and so it goes on. This a very famous paradox generally known as "The Liar Paradox". Interestingly the Christian Apostle Paul tells Titus in his epistle that Cretans don't accept Christianity because "Cretans are always liars" and he cites Epimenides in support of his calumny. See World English Bible translation, Titus 1:12-13.

Crete does exist and is the largest of the Greek islands. It was the target of a major airborne invasion by the Germans in WW2. They took over 7,000 casualties leading Hitler to ban further airborne invasions.

The first recorded reference to hang gliding was in the story of Icarus. In an attempt to escape from Crete (he obviously couldn't stand all the lying) he and his dad made wings from feathers and wax. Unfortunately he got carried away with the experience and flew too close to the sun and the wax melted. This was a big comedown for Icarus.

Answer: Gore Vidal

Henry Kissinger was National Security Advisor and Secretary of State in Richard Nixon's since discredited government. A controversial figure at the best of times he is credited with helping bring about peace in a number of conflicts. He is also remembered for conspiring with Nixon to secretly bomb Cambodia.

In 1973 he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize along with the North Vietnamese politician Le Duc Tho for their work at the Paris Peace Accords aimed at bringing about a ceasefire and US withdrawal from Vietnam. Le Duc Tho refused the award thus dodging any accusations of hypocrisy. Kissinger accepted it willingly leading many commentators to label him a hypocrite (not for the first or last time). Vidal's comment was one of the wittiest.

The closest Nixon ever got to wit was his appearance on "Rowan and Martin's Laugh In" (and that ain't very close). If you don't believe me, google "The wit of Richard Nixon" and see what the world has to say. Ho Chi Minh was the leader of North Vietnam during the US invasion. He was not known for his wit. This was probably due to language difficulties and the fact that it's hard to be witty when you are dodging bombs all day long. John Lennon was known for his wit but I couldn't find anything witty he said about Kissinger. I think John took the Vietnam war too seriously for him to try and be funny.